How To Love A Lush | Profile Of Guzzlin’ Gus

How-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Here’s one of my favorite characters. Gus, better known as ‘guzzlin’  Gus, the town drunk. He’s a soft-spoken guy in his late 40’s, getting fat and going bald.

He drinks like a fish, breath smells bad enough to make a horse commit suicide and he thinks he knows it all. Can’t tell him crap! The whole town tries to love this alcoholic, but only out of pity! He’ll always try to out talk you, If not too drunk. All you can do at this point is hold your breath for as long as you can, pretend you’re into what he’s saying and hope like hell he’ll shut the hell up.

Guzzlin’ Gus

VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 29 to 62,

Height: 5’5″ to 5’11”

Weight: 13 cases

OCCUPATION – If he stays sober enough, you ladies might find him working as a forklift driver, (..just don’t stand too close or you’ll get killed.) You may also find this type cleaning up school buses.

But more than likely, he’ll just be on government assistance collecting his check.

How to Select a Compatible Mate

FAVORITE FOODS – 

Ladies, this drunk enjoys feasting on Tacos smothered in hot wine sauce, steamed corn with stale Rye bread and garlic strips.

For a midnight snack, he’ll invite you over to have a large dripping slice of bourbon pie topped with Cool Whip.

FAVORITE DRINKS – 

He’s not choosey at all. He’ll drink you under the table. Whatever alcohol beverage the store clerk will sell him is just fine.

When you’re at his place, just don’t try to out drink him. (..this really pisses him off.)

FAVORITE MUSIC – Prepare your ears for an evening of ‘Bud Light’ commercial jingles, all Country & Western songs, and anything played down at the local pub or the neighborhood gin joint.

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – Your night of enjoyable viewing with him will include ‘Old Cheers’ reruns and the 80’s movie ‘Arthur’ with Dudley Moore.

He also enjoy watching past taped film footage of Alcoholics Anonymous rap sessions. (..he has a very LARGE collection and he just knows you’ll get a kick out of it.)

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – Football, drinkin’, belchin’ and fartin’ (..but not necessarily in that order.) Do you think you can keep up?

TYPE OF CAR – When a little sober, (..which is very rare) he may attempt to drive his old Chevy van. But anytime you spot this hunk of junk parked in some remote area, you can bet your last dollar he’s inside sleeping one off.

LAST BOOK – “Kinzie report—-BEER: The New Aphrodisiac  written by Taste Buds; Inc. (..in collaboration with Kinzie, of course).

TURN-ON’S – Easy twist-off beer bottle caps, Super Bowl Sunday with his buddies treating him to free booze and shiny new beer delivery trucks stocked with suds.

TURN-OFF’S – Losing his sense of taste and smell when sick. He also hates warm beer, missing liquor sales and you drinking more than him.

SECRET FANTASY – He dreams of someday being accidentally locked inside a beer distillery for a whole weekend without being discovered.

ASTROLOGICAL – Taurus

IMAG0304

PERSONALITY – A connoisseur from way back in the day, this lush really does know his suds.

Along with his huge belly, he’ll more than likely be of mixed heritage, very lazy and think he knows it all. (..just ask him anything, and regardless if he know the answer or not, he’ll argue you down until you agree.)

In later years, he may suffer from a bad case of stiff finger joints due to opening so many pop-top beer cans and twist off bottle caps.

IDEAL WOMAN – She must be under 28, a little chunky and have bucked teeth. This way, whenever he can’t locate the bottle opener, he can just turn to her and say; ” Honey, open wide!”

WHERE TO MEET – Ladies, you’ll run into these types standing in lottery lines, at the bowling alley, the old neighborhood bar or puking his guts out in someone’s backyard.

GOAL – To one day win some type of contest where first prize would be a free case of beer every week for 24 months.

RATING – 4.7…..At the beginning ladies, he could start off being a good provider for your children. But later in the relationship, you’ll probably get dumped for a big-breasted barmaid; which may be all for the better.

You would only tire yourself out from the constant litter of beer cans strewn about the house. (..one messy deal.)

But there’s a good bet he could be a candidate for ‘Customer of the Year’ named by the local aluminum recycling center.
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Also see: How To Love a Spoiled Man

Ronald Kennedy

Comedy writer, cartoonist and singer. Attended the Art institute of Chicago in 1980. Graduated from Malcolm X in 2000 with an associate's degree in applied science. Been working online since 2004

107 Comments:

  1. hahaha 🙂 very funny post:))I enjoyed reading it :))
    Is really the profile of a guy that i will c.
    hoose:)))i am looking forward reading and the other articles.
    Thanks for sharing 🙂 you made my day :).
    Can i ask something ? Is so difficult to find the right partner as it looks? I just wait to read some tips from to choose the right soul mate:)
    Cristina

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Cristina, glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting. Some guys out there may really fit this type of profile. Some ladies maybe, don’t mind dating the town drunk or some guy that just drink like a fish! (Hell, they may even be a drunk themselves.) Cristina, to answer your question on tips regarding finding your right soul mate, Click on this link Cristina, you’ll find very interesting tips and very helpful information…

  2. Lol this post is hilarious! I think I may have met Guzzlin Gus several times in my more social days 🙂 🙂

    I am sure I was savvy enough to run in the opposite direction and he makes my lovely man look like an even better catch than he already is….

    Thank you for making me laugh out loud today!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Joanne for commenting on ol’ Gus profile. (He’ll personally thank you when he sobers up.)LOL. I’m sure a lot of ladies today, at some time or another, dated a ‘Guzzlin Gus’. Needless to say, it was a dark and crazy side in the dating society during those times. You done the right think back then, taking off in another direction. (Just think Joanne, you may have turned into ‘the town drunk’ if you had stuck it out.)LOL. Thanks for checking in. Please share my site with others.

  3. Interested topic! I do believe that woman should make better choices in the type of men they get involved with. I believe most men lack personal development maybe because they are so focused on being able to provide and working 24/7 to be financially stable and personal development isn’t as high on their priority list as it should be. Overall, great layout of your information! You could write endless content and never cover everything!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thanks Stephen for commenting. Glad you found it interesting. Choosing the proper mate in life will definitely cut down the misery and disappointments down the road. Some guys at the beginning, start out being a woman’s ‘prince charming,’ then over time when they get all comfortable, they turn out to be the biggest slobs ever. They just don’t care anymore. Some guys figure they’re making the money, so don’t worry about how they look. But women want the whole total package. Thanks Stephen for commenting. Give me a ‘like’ & share on Facebook.

  4. Manika- Nia Dixon

    Your post is hilarious and very unique. I really enjoyed reading through Gus’s characteristics and think pages like this are so fun and much needed because they give the gift of chuckles! I really like this style and look forward to reading more from you! Will you be having another profile soon? Thanks

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Manika and thanks for dropping by. I glad you enjoyed my funny profile. Laughter is what makes the world go ’round. I love to make people laugh and as I create, I get a good laugh as I go along. Yes, I have more ready for display. Readers can sign up from my website and periodically start receiving more funny character profiles & their astrological signs straight to their inbox. You’ll get profiles on such characters as: ‘The Nerd’, ‘Medicated Medicine Woman’ ‘Veterinarian Vera, ‘Home Repair Guy’; to name a few. If you’d like to join Manika, go back to my home page; http://lovefolks.com and sign up.

      Thanks again Manika for checking in and please give me a ‘like’ and share on Facebook

  5. There is always something positive if you know where to look!
    What I like from Guzzling is that, even thought he chooses to remain in the unconsciousness side of life he has a green-heart and always put his empty beer cans for recycling 🙂
    I’m sure there must be a green-lady looking for someone like Gus!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Gopika. Thanks for reading and commenting. You know what the most frightening thing about these types? They really Do Exist! LOL. Somewhere around this great big ‘date crazy’ country of ours, along its ‘Single bars’ boarder, there are thousands of laid-back, drunk ass Gus’s that just don’t give a crap anymore. Their only concern is what time the liquor store closes and how much money he can get from recycled cans. But like you said, there’s someone for everybody! (I feel sorry for whoever that woman may be).

      Thanks again Gopika for checking in. Let me know if I could assist you with anything else.

  6. Dr. Misty Baker

    This is hilarious! I know a few of that type myself!!!

    Please, please, please keep us going with your great site. You offer a great break from work, stress and just the standard routine of life!!! I actually laughed out loud!

    What’s coming next? Do you have articles on women too?

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Dr. Misty. How are you? A very BIG hearty thanks to you fore reading and enjoying my site. This ‘Guzzlin’ Gus’ character is one one several of my creations. It’s is amazing and surprising to me, how many female readers have said the same thing as you; ” I know some men whose like that…” 

      Dr. Misty, as far as the dating scene goes, there are many types of personality that line our streets and city bars. I just think of all these different profiles, group them all together and put them on public display for the world to see. In my humor book, “How to Select a Compatible Mate” I speak on the concept of love, marriage, dating and relationships. I also break down and list my character profile interpretations. You can view a sample of my down loadable ebook, by going here:  https://lovefolks.com/how-to-s

      You also mentioned about me having articles I’ve written for women. Yes, I have a few, here’s one of my favorites: https://lovefolks.com/ten-comm

      You know, I love writing humor and I agree with you about good humor taking the mind off all the crap that goes on in our busy lives. Most folks are so wrapped up in business and burning themselves out, they don’t know how to relax.

      So at this time Dr, Misty I want to thank you again for reading my post. I hope you shared it with others by clicking the buttons. Please purchase a copy of my book, “How to Select a Compatible Mate.’ get loads of laughs. Keep in touch Dr. Misty and let me know if I can do anything else for you.

  7. Joanne, sad but true, and a very funny post, but the unfortunate thing is people like this will only read the first paragraph and probably click on something else. Be a good post to get people to move to other parts of your Website. Could be a good way to get men to think about how to improve their current situation. Will definitely encourage women to look into your e-book. Like your funny images. Best to You Wayne

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Wayne, how are you? Glad you were able to check out my funny and wacky profile. One part you said in your message about folks…”will only read the first paragraph and probably click on something else”. I tend to disagree.

      I feel it all depends on the attitude and personality of the reader. If the reader takes everything in life too seriously without any ‘sense of humor’, and can’t loosen up to the fact that you can turn reality into comedy; then yes, those type of readers will ‘turn the page and ‘move on’ and that’s fine. No problem! Everyone’s different! 

      I have many other articles that target single men and women, married couples having issues, dating tips, etc; When someone’s on my site, reading an article they find amusing and interesting, they’ll automatically seek out more throughout my blog roll because they find my site very unique and different. (This always happen). Go back to my site Wayne and take a look at the list in my category. You may find something interesting.

      Thanks again for stopping by my friend. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.

  8. I cannot imagine even being initially attracted to a heavy drinking blowhard as you describe. Yet I know there are people who are. What drives them, to be with a person who is so lacking in his own self-esteem that he lives his life this way? Do you have some thoughts on that?

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Annie, Thanks for dropping in and commenting. It’s a crazy world out there when it comes down to dating and relationships. All types of characters looking for love; including the Guzzlin’ Gus type. (Scary, huh?!) We all search for that special someone, one we find that person and really get to know them, we’re not always happy with the findings. This is the case for both men and women.

      Sometimes we search for love in all the wrong places! Then settle for ‘second best.’ Like old Gus (or the Guzzlin’ Gus type), some women’s men just turn into this type down the road. It’s not like they are a drunk when they first met.  Most women try straightening their man out by getting on them regarding their excessive drinking. But this constant nagging makes them drink more.

      Maybe alcoholism runs in the family. The got comfortable with their lady and just kept on drinking, figuring she’ll accept it. Of course if the woman don’t do something about it during their relationship, then no change is coming with him no time soon!

       

  9. Hi Rjkennedy,
    I loved your site, very engaging and full of color. Your articles are very thought provoking and can be an interesting topic conversation between the sexes. I liked the article about What men hate in women. My husband can agree with you on the number one What Men Hate is Women that don’t cook. That was his number one question to me when we first met. So mine for him was you have garbage duty for life! Once again great job on your site.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Esme, how are you? Thanks for dropping by and commenting on my site. I’m happy you got a big kick out of it and also saw some value in it. Those list of things will definitely attract attention from any woman reading and make them start thinking, “I’m I really like that?” 

      Granted, all women characteristics are not like what’s listed, so it would be wrong on my part to say they’re all the same. I love women more than anything. Being single, (a widower) I have all opportunities to meet ladies with no restrictions. In the past, I’ve had women that definitely made my list.

      You mentioned the one about ‘men hating women that don’t cook.’ That would be, in my opinion, the one that men hate the most. In our society today, a lot of women are career minded, and do not feel the urge or need, nor have the time to cook. Most think the man should cook for them. Oh well, to each their own!

      Thanks Esme for commenting.Let me know if I can do anything else for you.

  10. Haha, I had to laugh out loud reading this. Sadly it’s a common truth as well though. I was born and raised in a tiny village before I moved to a big city and everyone
    in my village knew the village drunks. Don’t think they ever got lucky with any women lol.

    I Like your style of writing, will definitely be checking out your posts!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Sergio, how are you? Thanks for dropping in and viewing my post. I really enjoy the fact and feel very please when readers get a kick out of my work. I enjoy drawing and writing comedy. Yes I agree with you Sergio, there are drunks in every city of the US and countries abroad.

      We all struggle to understand why these type would rather lay around and drink as opposed to eating a meal. But then we do have the ‘working drunks!’ These men and women (can’t leave the ladies out either), can hold down a job like nothing, and most of the time, arrive at the job drunk as hell. Maybe the boss notice this, but don’t care. (who knows, the boss may be one of his drinking buddies).

      As you said my friend, these type will never be ‘lucky in love.’ They’ll spend most of their lives making love to their tonic & gin. 

  11. I had four sisters so I might be a little biased but I loved your site. You address a very needed topic dealing with alcoholism. As I navigated your site I found places that would help many people personally. There are so many different situations and your content gives great diverse solutions. As a kid from a broken home due to alcoholism I say good. Keep going!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Romon7342, thanks for checking in and commenting. My writings and artwork tailors around the funny side of things in life, making some lightness out of bad situations. Alcoholism is one of those situations. I know others, just like yourself, dealt with this within their family circle. I feel bad when I hear about things like that. 

      These characters that I create are based on both reality and fiction; with the greater weight placed on fiction. I love giving folks a laugh by turning a serious situation into a comical one without offending anyone. Most readers can also see through the comic side regardless of the subject matter.

      I’m glad you read through this characters personality chart and recognized some things that will get others attention.

  12. My god that was hysterical! Jokes aside, this was quite fitting and matches several men I used to know. This profile seems to be an overall negative/insecure one, as this man surely is using alcohol to mask his real feelings. I also typically see this profile of man acting very “tough” and always referencing “being a man.” Even if you agree with them on a topic, they are typically so extreme on one side that you find it embarrassing to support their thoughts fully. Great post!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Joe, Thanks for dropping by. Welcome in (…leave all bottles at the door!)LOL!  I had no one special in mind when I created this character. Yes, this guy Gus can be compared to many individuals around the globe. Most folks even have someone like this in their own families. This has been pointed out by many other readers saying they know someone like this.

      There also are females as well, who fit these type that guzzle like there’s ‘no tomorrow.’ With their liver screaming out, “Help me,” they disregard all issues regarding other health factors. Some feel the alcohol makes them feel like they know more than you, and will argue you down.

      With breath smelling bad enough to choke a horse, they’ll get in your face to make their point. But any response from you will go through one ear and out the other. Thanks again Joe for visiting. Now excuse me while I go have a sip!

  13. Ha! I always find it entertaining to think of those stereotypical people that fill a specific role. the kind of person we can all remember experiencing in our lives before! This was a nice light read that I needed as a break from my busy day. Thanks for the chuckle!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      ….and just think Jordan, there seems to be one in every family! Everyone has a ‘guzzling Gus’ (they all appear to be more noticeable at Thanksgiving dinners or family reunions.) Just make sure you hide the liquor! Like you said Jordan, if not current then it’s someone in our past that fits the bill. I’m glad this funny character uplifted your day a bit. Thanks for stopping by.

  14. Hey there,

    I really like the post and have already shared with a couple of friends on Pinterest and Twitter. Although this is fictitious, I like the way it explains the way some people really are, you can’t tell em nothing!

    This post should also make our ladies realize how fortunate they are to have us, lol.

    Cheers mate.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Dave. I agree with you wholeheartedly, that these women out here should appreciate us sober guys more. There’s nothing wrong with friends coming by, going to the liquor and buying something to drink and chips. But when you put the liquor out of business because of your excessive drinking habit, now THAT’S another story! LOL. Thanks for sharing this post. 

  15. What a great way to look at life, I think this profile is fantastic in it’s description and I love the illustrations. Unfortunately everybody probably knows a guzzling Gus, but where would our small towns be without these people to add contrast to the community.
    Will be keeping a look out for the next profile….

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes Claire, there is a guzzling Gus in every family. Bring everyone together at Thanksgiving time, or any other big gathering for that matter, and I guarantee a guzzling Gus will surface. (It’s usually that uncle no one hardly sees).

      I’ve targeted many other profiles of men and women. They’re everywhere and in all walks of life. In fact, I’ve created a series of characters and offer them in a Free book you’ll receive, just by signing up to read more entertaining articles. You’re welcome to take a look. The form is at the bottom of the page.

  16. Hahaha! You really bought Guzzling Gus to life! Loving the images with it as well – did you draw them yourself?

    Who do you think would be Guzzling Gus perfect partner – what’s her name and backstory and how would they meet? I’m thinking it would be down the pub or in a kebab shop at the end of the night.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Ashley, I’m glad you got a kick out of old Guzzling Gus. (..and to think, we all have at least, one in our families.) If you don’t believe me, wait until you have the next big holiday gathering and you’ll be able to spot someone like Gus. (It’s usually that uncle know one ever hears from, but comes around when there’s free liquor.) 

      In regards to your question. I’ve been doing cartoons for years. All my characters are my own drawings and creations. What would I think of a mate for Guzing Gus? I picture a drunken old prostitute that would sell her body for a pint of gin. The perfect girl for old Gus!

  17. Lol! This was too funny. I know a few dudes in my life that actually fit this description to the T. It’s kind of sad though that these types of guys exist. They need someone to straighten them out. I feel worse for the women attracted to these type of men, especially to only be used as bottle openers in the end. Talk about only being wanted for your body!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Francis, you also see this type always showing up at family holiday cookouts….like Thanksgiving. Remember, that’s the day you’ll see old uncle Trevor staggering in, heading straight for the table holding the liquor. Already drunk and funky, he’ll look at the table and shout out. “Damn, this all the liquor y’all got?” 

  18. Hi Ronald:

    I know this guy. In a way, you can’t help but like him while also feeling sorry for him!

    Yep, the bad breath is part of his charm. The thing is, a guy like this doesn’t care if he is offensive.

    The thing is though, I wouldn’t be able to stand the non-stop talking and the know-it-all attitude. Do you think there are women out there that would really go for this guy? As crazy as this world of our’s is, there probably are.

    Thank you for the humor!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Christopher, you mean this guy was your neighbor? LOL. Yes, we all seem to know someone in this type of shape. (Male and female. Can’t rule out those female lushes). Dudes like this are everywhere and some women, with very low esteem, will choose someone like this! (I guess there’s someone for everybody.) You’d especially find this type in any household around Thanksgiving holiday. He’s the first to arrive at the house, the first to stagger over to the booze table and then yell, “This all the liquor y’all got??” 

  19. This post has made my day how funny. You are definitely very talented at writing humorously and putting a smile on ones face. I wish that there were more websites similar to this one. Expect big results with this page and high traffic rates. Selecting compatible mates is extremely important because if they do not align with your personality they would be considered as Friends.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thanks Cancy for the compliment. If I could get peoples’ minds away from the everyday crap and enjoy laughter, even just for the moment, then the world would be a better place. Folks focus too much on the miseries in todays society. I just love comedy and making people laugh. Selecting a compatible mate is a challenge and funny within itself. 

  20. This article made my day it was really great, i loved your humor, i hope all of your articles are like this one because ill be reading them, very unique, now i have yet to meet a guzzlin gus but lets hope i dont but at least ill now know the signs of a guzzlin gus so i can walk in the other direction

    • Ronald Kennedy

      There you go, Salina. But instead of walking the other direction, you may want to RUN as fast as you can! Hooking up with this type, you’re bound to become an ol’ alkey like Gus. This is his passion, and he’d like to have a woman doing what he does. (Just don’t out drink him or he’ll get piss)

  21. Ronald I love this post! It’s hilarious. Every female should avoid Gus with like the plague. He’s sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. But here’s a random question for you. What if Gus really wants to find his one and only love? What advice would you give him to clean his act up?

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Julian, Seems there’s a Guzzlin’ Gus in every town suburb, city and state. Even in your own family, you’ll find ol’ uncle Joe stumbling around your kitchen, asking where you keep the booze. (Make sure you lock it up.) If there was a remote chance ol’ Gus was serious about hooking up with a female, he’d better first start with bulldozing all the empty cans and bottles from his apartment…then bathe; which would be a ‘rare’ move, but doable.

  22. Thanks Ronald,
    This is hilarious!! I think there is a bit of guzzlin’ Gus in all of us males.
    Good laugh for us guys and a few great tips for ladies to character traits to avoid in guys – with your satire and wit.
    Thank you for the laugh today 🙂

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you John for checking in. Yes I do have to agree that there is a little guzzlin’ Gus in all us dudes. (Some are worse than others). But there are also some women who like to kick back and ‘drink like a fish.’ Holidays come around and these types are the first to hit the liquor. 

  23. Well, doesn’t he sound like a catch. Unfortunately I’m just above his preferred age group, so I’ll miss out on this gem of a man. I might just have to stay clear of bowling alleys from now on… Brownie points for recycling his beer cans though. A very unexpected turn there. You had me in stitches here 🙂

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Petra, you gotta give Guzzlin’ Gus credit for thinking of the economy and going ‘green.’ Any money saved will definitely be going to the clerk at the corner liquor store. Think of it this way; how will Gus survive without his daily bottle or keg of suds?? 

  24. What an extremely interesting article to start my day off with – so glad that I stumbled upon your site this morning! 

    I found your article extremely humorous and intelligent to a point where it could well drum up a healthy argument/discussion between a man and a woman. 

    I’m interested in how you ‘created’ the character of Gus, and for that matter the other characters I have seen on your site – they seem to easily hit a note and have a realistic undertone?

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Chris. Thanks for reading. I’m glad you got a good ‘kick off’ to start your day! I create my characters just thinking about life and the many different personalities out here in our society. I love drawing and painting, so I put a funny twist on each profile image along with a funny drawing of their astrological sign. (My mind just goes a little wacky sometime).Lol. The end results are so satisfying! 

  25. julienne murekatete

    Hahahahahaha,amazing post. How do you make it? your posts are always interesting . when i read them i feel fine as if i am in comedy show and feel relaxed. Thank you for being a different writer. Anyway there are many Guz and to tell you the truth i can’t date such guy. My past life was a disaster with my ex who tried to be a good man at home while he was a drunk but i didn’t know until i found it. I was disappointed really because he lied all those 9 years passed together. I will never forget that

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Wow Julienne, your ex husband was a drunk and a mama’s boy?! …and you haven’t been committed to a mental institution or committed murder during that time?!? LOL!  Damn! You’re a strong minded woman. A 9 year disaster is right. I’m happy you shook the past and started back fresh. I hope all is well for you now. It’s unfortunate there are heavy drinkers out there looking for that ‘special someone’, but ready to destroy some poor girl’s life. Please share my funny post,

  26. i think most old retired men are like this. Being lazy all day. Avoiding anything productive. Get drunk and have fun with big breasted ladies every day. The idea to date these men for a partner is always a no. I think girls are smart enough unless you just wanna have some casual fun.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Kit! You just described what I like! LOL. Although I’m not lazy and not really old, I am retired and do love the young ladies (just the type you described). But I do respect them; unless I feel I’m being taken advantage of. But being active and leading a productive life is very important. That’s what gives you additional years on this earth! 

  27. You have very colorfully described a typical male in that middle age bracket. He would be a non professional, someone who could have, but did not do well at school, preferred spending time with his like minded mates and wasting his brain on amber fluid. His table manners would shock, his personal habits too would disgust. He would spit or snort goobies on the footpath and belch or fart in public.  He really is not interested in an educated woman or one who has any refinement. 

     You did not mention the tattoos plastered all over his overweight body.  He is every mothers disappointment and no woman’s dream.  Perhaps we need to take some responsibility for this gross creature as we as mothers have the important task of raising our little boys to grow up to be well educated, well groomed and respectful people. 

    I am so thankful I am way past the age range of this fellow and besides I have been happily married to a real gentleman for almost 50 years.

    However I did enjoy reading your post and I love your sense of humor

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Wow Judy! I thought I was being a little soft on old Gus when I created this character’s profile. But you really crushed him. lol. (Give Gus a little slack!) I know these types are ‘booze hounds,’ but they can’t help it if they’re hooked on ‘the juice.’ It’s good to hear that you Judy, have a good mate. Congrats to you and thanks for reading.

  28. Hi, 

    This is a nice description of certain types of dudes that like to drink a lot and wanting to date beautiful ladies. They promise you the world, they pretend to be everything a woman want, but only for a few days then is when you would really see who they are. They can be manipulative, lazy and untidy and by the time you realize it you would be happy to let them go. 

    I don’t like such type of drunkard and good for nothing who pretend to be good for everything. They will suck you dry and leave you penniless. All they dream about is money, the booze and women. 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi nellyao. Yes, these type of drunk dudes take a bashing. Nothing can every become of any good regarding these types. These dudes care only about themselves. Like you stated, a woman will dump him once they see how he is. Drinking first, other women second and you third. Thanks for reading and please share.

  29. Ha, I found this article pretty interesting. This guy kind of reminds me of some folks I work with. Definitely don’t envy those men’s wives. Your take down seems pretty spot-on; it’s curious how many guys fit this mold. People’s choices in life definitely lead them to interesting places…

    Looking forward to more!

    Best,

    Nick

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Nick, if folks on your job anything like Ol’ drunk Gus, it’s time to change jobs! LOL. If women like this type, then more power to them. (More than likely, they’re probably old drunks themselves.) Birds of a feather flock together. They’re plenty of ol’ drunk Guses out there to go around. Please share with others. 

  30. Your post is funny and exceptionally interesting. I truly delighted in perusing Gus’ qualities and think pages like this are so fun and truly necessary since they give the endowment of laughs! I truly like this style and anticipate perusing more from you! Will you have another profile soon? Thank you.

    Nelly

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my friend for stopping by. I try to keep things real and funny at the same time. Go to any bar or local pub in the hood, and there you’ll find a ‘Guzzling Gus’ type. They are there for their liquid lunch! Things don’t go well in life for these types. To see more profiles, just go to: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/717520

  31. Sounds like co-workers from my day job and those who routinely go to the Sportsman’s club and drink after a long day in the mill, warehouse, or outdoor public sector construction work. Or, just the dads from my old high school and those dads in the viewing area I’m from. Regardless of my exposure to Gus-like people, Gus is the prototype for everything I don’t want to be!! 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Todd. there’s a lot of those Gus type guys out there that will drink you under the table. They live for the next good time or next drink. Todd, just think how much damage is done to this guy’s liver? (…that’s one organ that has really taken a beating!!) LOL. Please share my post with others. Thanks.

  32. Touhidur Rahman

    Hi Ronald

    One of the funniest article I have ever seen. I really enjoyed the character of Guzzlin Gus. He is so funny and obviously unique. I really want to see Gus. Really impressive writing and I want to read your other post or article and I want to keep in touch. I want to appreciate for the character Guzzlin Gus. Thanks for the article.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my friend, for reading my funny post. There’s a guzzler like this in every city, in every neighborhood. The local saloons and beer bar roll out the ‘red carpet’ when they see this joker coming. The sounds of the cash register’s goes off at an alarming rate! Thanks again for checking in. Please share this with others. Want to see more more funnies? Than go here: https://www.smashwords.com/boo

  33. Ronald, I can’t stop laughing.  I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round.  When I was younger and hung out at pubs in my spare time I knew a few guys like Gus.  Amazingly, he seemed to get laid more often than I did.  I think it was because he also did/had illegal drugs and I didn’t do/ have any.  The Gus I knew even had a van with a smelly carpet interior that I feel certain he had slept off a few drunks in.

    Thanks for tickling my funny bone and reminding me of my younger days.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Marvin, thank you for reading my funny post. Everyone seem to get a big kick out of ol’ Gus, (It seems like every local area has at least, one Gus-type hanging around.) These dudes will drink you under the table. I agree Marvin, we all had buddies like this at some time in our lives. Please share Gus with others in your downline.

  34. Fadia Yaghmour

    Great sense of humor. I enjoyed reading this post for the last letter. The humor didn’t cover the message that I received from this post, though. Everyone should be very careful when choosing a date. 
    I liked this post and can’t wait to see other personas. Thank you for the laugh. 
     Great work.

    Regards, 
    Fadia

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thanks for dropping in and reading, my friend Fadia. Glad you liked it. Gus really appreciate you checking him out. LOL! He may wanna even share a drink with you. I don’t see how types like this still manage to find a woman who’d date them. But I guess she’d have to be a drinker as well. (Birds of a feather flock together.) Please share this post with others.

  35. Hey Ronald Kennedy

    It is really interesting and laughable post. When I read that post it makes me so cheerful. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the character of Guzzlin Gus. You present the character so nicely and quizzically. Guss’s character is hilarious for the story but it is also informative for those women who want to find a proper soulmate. Thank you for your nice post. I wish you will write another hilarious post soon and I am eagerly waiting for your next Guss.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my dear, for enjoying my post. I feel great when I can make others laugh. It really speaks volume for my works. Just think, you can find a ‘Guzzlin’ Gus type in any city at every local bar and pub. Some women may like this type (if they’re a heavy drinker as well). Please share this character on social media. Thanks.

      • dating and relationships

        This one distortedly hilarious and painfully pitiful kind of chap is good for a woman who has the heart to take care of the hopeless case and the audacity to love truly this perpetually inebriated chap or at least a woman who is an exact replication of his character. Overall life is what you make it. Love does not see evil. Hope he gets a lady like this… good luck

        • Hey my friend. AS they say, “life is what you make it.” This bloke needs someone to keep up with him (but not someone who can out drink him.)’Gus’ is in a class of his own! They always say, “there is someone for everyone.” Sign up to view more funny profiles such as this.

  36. dating and relationship

    This one distortedly hilarious and painfully pitiful kind of chap is good for a woman who has the heart to take care of the hopeless case and the audacity to love truly this perpetually inebriated chap or at least a woman who is an exact replication of his character. Overall life is what you make it. Love does not see evil. Hope he gets a lady like this… good luck

  37. I am sure Guzzling Gus will have the ladies queueing round the block, oh alright maybe a few blocks away then lol. A fascinating and funny read. Excellent relaxation material.

    I hope you are going to do the same for a female. I know of a couple of real lush’s so I know they are about.

    Derek

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes Derek, these Guzzlin’ Gus types comes in all sizes, shapes and colors. There are some women that fit the bill as well (so you know I can’t rule them out). Go to any local pub, and you’ll see the Guzzlin’ Gus types. You may soon see a series from me regarding ‘All Female Lushes.’ Please share my post with others!

  38. You should seriously be a writer of comic books,I truly enjoyed the post. I wok up this morning feeling a little down for no real reason but I turned the computer on and saw your post, started to read it and you truly made me laugh. I do believe I might have come across more than one person that matches your profile and description. There plenty around the area where I live….sadly!!!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      I’m happy you enjoyed my post Barbara and I was able to make you laugh. You made my day!! I agree that these type of dudes lurk around in every trailer park community and every bar in the area. They will drink you under a table! And don’t invite these types over on holidays. They’ll drink up everything long before the food is served (…hide the liquor).

  39. Lmao, Guzzlin Gus sounds like a real catch, I bet the ladies are queuing up for him,…lol, actually Ronald, I really enjoyed reading this website, I found it very amusing, I’m looking forward to reading some more of your stuff, actually, I’m divorced and still single so not only will I be getting some useful tips and advice on how to find a compatible partner but I’ll be having a good laugh too, thank you for sharing.

    Russ 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      ‘Laugh-a-mile-a-minute’ is what I always say Russ. I do feel for the woman that end up with a drunk like this. But hey, i put the warning out there…Ladies BEWARE!! Most of the time these guys are slick and good at handling their drinking problem. Business suit by day…borderline lush at night. Yes, happens all the time! Please share this post with others.

  40. Interesting seeing how Gus thinks out of the ordinary, brings me back to my younger days and especially that beer lottery, woweee! 2 years free supply, I would take any day! He does have a great appetite though, I got hungry reading about the tacos smothered in hot wine sauce, yum! Just wondering, by the Arthur movie, you meant the cartoon Arthur and not Merlin’s Arthur, right? 😀

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thanks again Riaz for commenting on this old drunk. Although you may hear them every now and then, say they will change. They say they will try to stop drinking, but you and I both know that will never happen. Just look back on our own friends or family members. Some may have the same issues.

      And the movie was a popular one back in the 80’s with Dudley Moore playing a pathetic alcoholic, trying to fit in with the normal folks in society.

  41. Sandikazi Scwebu

    I laughed all the way to the end as I was reading.  Laughing is good, now I know which website to visit when I need some cheering.   But I  would definitely pass on this guy, his condition sounds contagious.  Signing up as soon as I solved my storage space problem.  I’m sure there’s more in the kitchen to keep us laughing. 

    Best wishes. 

    Sandikazi

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my friend for enjoying my site. When readers tell me they got a good laugh from my work, i know i’ve done a good job. Glad my readers appreciate good comedy. I feel there isn’t enough laughter in the world. Hopefully, I can instill a little humor into folks lives and if, even for a moment, create a little happiness. Please share my article with others.

  42. This post made me laugh out loud! I think we all have met a Guzzlin Gus or two. Thanks for helping to bring the humor to the dating game. Although I suspect those who are the Guzzlin Gus type aren’t too happy with you sharing all their secrets. It would be nice if they were required to identify themselves up front though! Would hate to end up with one on accident.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes my dear. I tell it like it is! You must be careful while on the hunt for that ‘special someone.’ You’ll usually find this type hanging around any neighborhood pub or beer joint in town. You don’t wanna find yourself in any drinking contest with this dude. (He’ll drink you under the table.) Glad you enjoyed my post! Please share it with others on social media.

  43. Danielle Davis

    Hahaha…….very funny post. I couldn’t stop reading it once I started. It was funny from beginning to end. I read this and could imagine in my mind the kind of guy you were describing. I’m lucky to not have come across one in my dating life, but I can definitely see a few older men in my life fitting this description. My laugh for the night. Thank you!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Danielle (also, my daughters name). Glad you got a kick out of old Gus. Many types fit this description around the world. You’ll also find them sleeping near the pub, waiting for it open. (gotta have that drink!)LOL. I feel sorry for his liver!! As far as women goes, they say it’s always somebody for everybody. Please share my funny post. 

  44. Thank you for teaching me the day. I laughed at your post. Now I appreciate my man even more. Obviously, over the course of my life, I have encountered such things, but I ran as far as I could. I don’t know what kind of lady Gus could have. Most likely just his female equivalent lol

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Carmen, Gus will have any woman running as fast as she can. Unless you want to compete with someone like this, over who’ll get ‘cirrhosis of the liver’ the fastest, then you must seriously seek another type of mate. But in life, there’s always somebody for everybody. Carmen, please share my post with others.

  45. Hi Ronald,

    Enjoyed reading your post!  Was quite humurous and also quite truthful!  I work with a few clowns like this everyday!

    Some of the ones I know nowadays don’t stay up past 9 pm unless they are in their mid forties to fifties, and you can tell the difference between a beer belly and a booze belly, one is soft and squishy and the other is rock hard……..the one ones who do traverse with one of these are usually asked “When is your do date?”  Lol

    The other saying around the workplace when someone has one of these oversized areas is that it sticks out further than his dicky do!

    Tim

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Tim. It seems like you’re among good company! LOL. Friends like that will always be there for you….especially if you’re in the bar or pub buying the rounds. Beer bellys will be exploding all over the place. Everyone’s happy, belching and puking everywhere. So let’s all hoist our beer mugs to the air and have a damn good time! Tim, please share my site with others.

  46. Very funny, lol. This guy has quite the profile. Has he put it up on instagram and facebook yet? 😉 I wonder if he’ll find a partner in crime. Your description of the backyard puking reminded me of some crazy parties I went to 20 years ago. One guy, whenever he got drunk, he just stood there and fell asleep standing!! Like a horse, lol. It was hilarious. We obviously filmed him 😉 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Christine, Yes Guzzlin’ Gus has long since made its Instagram and FB appearance. LOL. There always seem to be a Guzzlin’ Gus in our own small towns. Go to any local pub, and there he is….puking behind or at the bar!! He’ll welcome anyone to join him, as long as you buying! Please share this drunks profile with others.

  47. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post and in the process many guys I know came to mind. Mind you no one guy fitted the entire profile but some pretty close. 

    Most of them strangely in relationships though, although not sure how. I don’t know why the male species seems to just let themselves go at around mid life, and they also don’t seem to notice just how bad they are. 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes my friend, it seems somewhere in our past, we all had a Gus type hanging around. The lushes of all lushes! There is also his counterpart hanging around with him at the pub (ladies you not off the hook yet). It’s not only pot belly middle aged men that’s heavily alcohol touched, but women as well.

  48. Hah! Your posts are always a hoot and no less with this one. 4.7 is a pretty fair rating for this one. I think it’s hilarious that he gets so upset if you try to out drink him. Also I like the Bud Light commercial reference, classic. Please keep up the good work as it makes our days, well done!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes, Old Gus has struck again!! Spreading his beer breath all over the land! Drinkers Of America; beware!! If any beer joints in the area are still open after hours, you best believe old guzzlin’ Gus will sniff them out. You better believe that! Please share this funny post with others.

  49. Is Guzzlin’ Gus based on some one that you know and you made him even more interesting, lol. Boy I certainwant to stay clear from Gus but I love your writing it is hilarious and I can just picture Gus clear in my head. He is like almost like an uncle of mine lol. Did you draw Gus yourself? 

    Will certainly share your post to my friends. Great job! You made me laugh and feel nostalgia at the same time lol

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hello my friend. This character profile was just made up by me, (drawing Included) along with all the many others I created. There were some family members who fit the bill pretty close. (May God rest their souls). But If you really think about it, this type is in every trailer park and small town area around. Please share Gus with others.

  50. Thank you for your post. You give a vivid description of Guzzlin Gus. I can see that he is your favorite character. 

    After reading your article, I have image of Gus. He is short, fat,  middle age men and always with beer-can in his hand. I can smell his fish smell miles away.

    There is indeed someone like this in our real life. The profile is hilarious and funny. I enjoy reading such thing, just sign up your email list, and wish to read more things like this.

    It is kind of you sharing this information with us.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Anthony for stopping by and reading. Your signing up is well appreciated. I wouldn’t say that Guzzlin’ Gus is my favorite one, but it’s ranked near the top of the heap! Any small town in the USA, has a drunk like old Gus. Go to any local bar, or liquor store and there you’ll find him hanging around; looking for a ‘free’ pass.

  51. Hahahaha thanks again Ronny for this good, good morning been sleepy until I ran into this page and this just reminded me of another one.of these you wrote on how to.love the old dirty grandma. I hope I won’t turn into an old Gus anytime soon I’m not sure this guy is really a happy one I just want to have a good life style but reading this just gives me heads up on what to do not to become something like this. I’m hoping I wake up to one of these articles again someday not long from now.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Donny. It feels good to have faithful readers who enjoy my crazy post. I love making folks laugh, so I know I’ve done my job. Old guzzlin’ Gus is the type you’d find in your local pub or neighborhood juke joint. Just be prepared to accept his offer to have a drink….just as long as you’re paying! Please share old Gus with others.

  52. Hi Ronald,

    Thanks again for another hilarious article and every time I read one of your article I struggle to stop my laughter. I really enjoyed the content and in the manner that you presented. I am amazed at your sense of humor and thank you for sharing this article.

    Bucked teeth, Customer of the Year, stiff finger joints, etc are some of the places I lost myself lol. Planning to share your article with my wife. Can’t wait for your next article and keep up the great work!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my friend for being a devoted reader and enjoying my articles. Guzzlin’ Gus could be spotted at any local pub and neighborhood juke joint. Check any small town and there you will find him. Gus love company, especially if you drink. He’ll invite you up to the bar for a drink….as long as you’re paying! LOL! Please share my funny post with others.

  53. A very interesting story, will keep you laughing. So so thankful for my wonderful husband God blessed me with and not having to deal with anyone like Gus. Your description of Gus makes him seem so real and the story line is written really well. You are a great writer. Blessings.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Renea, do you mean you don’t want a classy guy like Guzzlin’ Gus?? LOL. Yes, you are Blessed to have a good, normal man. Gus is in a ‘class by himself.’ He will find a woman just like himself, who will love the same thing as him….and that’s to drink, drink,and drink some more!! Please share my post with others.

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