Latest Update: November 15, 2024

 

Ladies, remember! Nerds Need Loving Too.

So ladies Don’t Be So Cruel. These type of dudes are always searching, scoping out the most beautiful women; only to get their feelings hurt in the long-run. But it would be wrong for me to say they all ‘strike out.’ 

But they NEVER give up! They will keep on pushing forward until they get the crap beat out of them by some chick’s jealous boyfriend!

So here we go again! Let’s take a look at the world of a typical nerd.

 

‘ NERDY NELSON ‘

VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 19 to 39, Height: 5’5″ to 6’2″, Weight: Not Much!!

OCCUPATION – You may find this type working at the local movie theater selling popcorn. He may even be your bag boy at the neighborhood supermarket that’s always held a crush on you. (You know the kid that’s always drooling on your items). Then he falls all over himself as he offers to take your things to the car!

FAVORITE FOODS – With him, prepare your taste buds to handle a large helping of junior pepper dogs on half-moldy buns.

Oh yeah, and you better get use to his special home-made dish, the ever-popular ‘Banana Chocolate Chip Goulash.’

(While in the kitchen preparing this slop, don’t be surprised if he yells out, “Hey, lollipop lips! I know your dying to try my tasty roasted, honey-dipped frog legs?”)

FAVORITE DRINKS – Warm Kool-Aid (no sugar), dill-pickle juice and strawberry buttermilk shakes, sprinkled with discarded moth wings, will be on the ‘liquor list’ for the evening.

FAVORITE MUSIC – He will sway you with the ‘The Beat Goes On‘ & ‘Red Robin’. (Oldie tunes out before his time.)

He’ll also have you listen to endless hours of the ‘Star Trek’ theme song, and ‘Barney Fife’s Greatest Hits.’

And don’t be surprised, if he tries to serenade you. He claims he can be the greatest broad way singer of all.

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – You’ll spend a great evening, settling back and viewing ‘The Simpsons’ reruns. Also you’ll enjoy the movie ‘Revenge of the Nerd’ pts. 1, 2, & 3 and ‘The Adventures of Pee Wee Herman.’ (So sit back & enjoy.)

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – During a nice quiet evening while you’re over visiting, he’ll have you helping him organize his stamp collection.

If fortunate enough to get invited to a party (Anybody’s party), you’ll assist him in exciting, non-stop action such as the ‘bobbing-for-apples’ event.

TYPE OF CAR – NONE!! A ‘night on the town’ means bar hopping to different pubs or beer joints by bus, train or sore feet!

LAST BOOK- ‘Learn How To Pick Up Girls   by Smooth Talkers, Inc.

TURN-ONS – His glasses fog up and he break out with a big grin at the sight of nude statues, porn magazines and used, ‘slimy’ condoms.

TURN-OFFS – 6 ft. 280 lb. weight lifters who pick on nerds, street gang members hanging out in the vestibule of his apartment, and women wrestlers.

SECRET FANTASY – To one day, be able to get a good blow job before turning 40.

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Libra

PERSONALITY – As a member of the Mr. Rodgers fan club, he’s a real ‘slacker’ who’ll never accomplish much in life. His friends voted him ‘Chump of the Month,’ and he has more enemies than you can count.

His dry wit and bumbling demeanor makes him a ‘true’ nerd.

IDEAL WOMAN – A nerdette who looks like Woody Allen’s sister.

WHERE TO MEET – These nerdy-types are usually found spending their time, hanging around bus terminals trying to pick up women.

You’ll also find them in the men clothing section where bow ties are sold. Then later in the library.

GOAL – To find a job paying a little over minimum wage and one day, qualify for a Visa card.

RATING: 1.2….He’s no Casanova. He masters dull talk, slow action and can’t get a ‘boner!’ You being a strong woman, he’ll never find out what interest you. (Frankly, he won’t give a shit)! 

But maybe it’s all for the better! Besides, who wants a serious relationship with someone enjoying and spending most of their time playing in used kitty litter!

Scan QR bar code, then open browser for Free preview of some very funny stuff!

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Last Updated: November 14, 2024

“Do You Want A Love, Crazy Experience From An ‘Over The Hill’ Old Buzzard?”

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She maybe ‘long in the tooth,’ but still know how to get around and what she wants.

It’s no surprise to me that most folks know someone like this; a neighbor, close friend, the janitor’s wife; etc, (How could someone like this ever be forgotten)?

Regardless if it’s a cafeteria worker at your old high school, a waitress at the old coffee shop that you and your friends used to frequent in college, or an old next-door neighbor that always had the hots for you, this type of woman will appear somewhere in your life.

‘Loves Her Cigarettes…’

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To all the guys out there (of course this could be addressed to the ladies as well) when it comes down to loving someone like Dirty ol’ Doris, then my friend, you’ve hit the bottom of the barrel.

Also, you better get use to inhaling a lot of choking, cigarette smoke when in her presence; and the smell on yours’ & her clothes both. Don’t complain! That’s BS to Doris!

She’ll tell you in a minute to “kiss her ass.” (You better get used to her smelly clothes).

If you don’t mind the age difference and a woman who loves lots of sex (she’s 88) then this old bird might just be for you.

She’s a heavy smoker, so you better get use to it, or start smoking with her (that’s probably why she was born under the sign of cancer).

Just remember Not to smoke more than her! She’s a ‘three packer a day’ and will get ‘pissed’ if you try out doing her. (At least, she don’t smoke weed… she just ‘sell it.’) Ol’ Doris always wants to be the best at everything!

She was this way even at a young age. Growing up, when games were played among her friends, she would ‘kick their asses’ if she thought they were cheating.

And that toughness carried on throughout the many years!

‘She May Fart Dust, But…’

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“Hey! Don’t let her age fool you my friend.“ Ol’ Doris can still ‘throw down,’ even much better than others half her age.

Doris is an ‘Energizer Battery’ when it comes to sex! She can roll until the sun comes up!

Afterwards she’ll lay back, and have herself 7 or 8 smokes. Then It’s off to the races again. (So you better be ready)!

She’ll ‘screw your brains out’ and later suggest you take Viagra if you wanna go for several more rounds.  It pisses Doris off knowing you can’t keep your ‘Love Muscle’ “standing at attention” very long. This old broad hates a ‘limp penis.‘

If you think you’re man enough, big & bad enough, lets see how you handle this. Get ready now to meet the hottest (at least in her mind), most active old buzzard on planet earth; that really knows how to live life & make serious love.

 

  Dirty Ol’ Doris

VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 88 and going up fast, Height: 5’2″ to 5’5″, Weight: Flirtatious.

OCCUPATION – This type will most likely be employed as a office manager of some broken down junk yard.

You may also find this type running one of the largest distributors of pornographic materials and adult sex toys in the US, Canada, and the UK (but not necessarily in that order)!

FAVORITE FOODS – Once she puts her teeth in, she’s ready for chow. Dining out will consist of old cabbage plants with Caesar dressing.

A side dish of Muskrat stew and boiled owl heads. For desert, she’ll have a slice of baboon pie topped with wild cherries.

FAVORITE DRINKS – Most mornings, especially after a long night of hot sex, she’ll gulp down two large glasses of prune juice to help with bowel movement.

The night life will consist of a fifth of Jack & coke, wine coolers and bloody Mary. Some Old Granddad bourbon would also be nice as well.

FAVORITE MUSIC – Ol’ Doris favorite sounds are the ringing of sales from her inner-city pornographic business (She says, “It’s a horny and freaky world out there and I’m looking to cash in”).

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – The ‘Golden Girls’ are on top of her list.

Also, it really fires her up when watching any amazing You tube xxx Adult videos such as; “Debbie Does Dallas,” “Naughty Girls from Central High,” “Don’t Do Me Wrong…Just Do Me.” & “Old Broads From The Home Giving Gum jobs”

(It’s ‘double duty’ night. A round of blowjobs while soaking their teeth at the same time).

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – She wants to be a referee or judge at any event which includes young studs flexing their muscles. (She claims she’s the best at rubbing body oil.)

However, during football season, she’ll make bets with a couple of her old, wild girlfriends over which team pat the others fanny the most.

TYPE OF CAR – NONE! (Hell, she’s damn near 90, what do you expect?)

LAST BOOK – ‘Doggie Style 101’  by the ‘Back-Door Slammers’ from the over ’70’ Club.

TURN ONS – Young men’s sweaty muscles glistening on the beach, winning a big state lottery to impress young studs and hanging around men’s shower stalls after a game.

TURN OFFS – Old dudes trying to act young, middle-age dudes always complaining about their aches and pains, annoying people who keep reminding her of her age, and all the dudes trying to wear condoms they know are way too big.

SECRET FANTASY – To be voted “the hottest senior citizen of the 21st Century.”

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Cancer

 

PERSONALITY – This old bag knows what she wants in life and goes after it (especially ANY well-built, well-hung young stud will do)!

Her demeanor toward the opposite sex sometime makes you wonder; if she really cares what’s thought of her. But really she don’t give a shit!

She thinks that being in the company of much younger men, make other women think they’re not popular enough.

She also doesn’t realize that some of these men she know, only socialize with her because she’s lonely and have money.

These men also know that they could get anything their hearts desire by just telling her how sexy her old ass is.

IDEAL MAN – The wild, young liberal type. One who understands her needs and love trying out new positions.

WHERE TO MEET – You could run into sluts like this hanging around any convention in town promoting their large display of sex toys.

GOAL – To invite all hot, horny studs across America for an all-night sex orgy.

RATING: 3.9…If money and a sense of security is something you feel is important, then maybe this fun-loving ol’ bag is not for you. But keep the age difference in focus.

Your buddies might think you’ve cracked up when they spot you and her together. They’ll swear you’re out with your grandma!

But all you’re trying to do with Doris is staying on her good side and out of her doghouse!

You can read how this concept all came  about & a little bit about me ‘back-in-the-day’ by clicking on my photo…

Meet The Author, Creator & Cartoonist’

Ronald Kennedy

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Updated September 25, 2024

 

Hello Everyone!

I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Ronald Kennedy, creator/author/Illustrator of this single’s quick reference handbook.

Any man or woman with a great sense of humor and the understanding of a crazy satire, could really relate to my book. (I’m also aware of the fact it could be a relationship between ‘man-man’ or ‘woman-woman’; but that’s for another day).

But regardless of your sexual preferences, society has long ago dictated that in order to build a successful relationship, understanding a person’s personality is ‘key!’

Remember, everyone is there own person and have there own way of doing things. Now you ask “What is Love Guide for the Sexes?” Keep reading:

Single Folks Need A Great Sense Of Humor.

You must keep in mind, there’s always a ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ (At least you hope.) What is needed in any relationship is a good sense of humor!

Along with it, there are men and women in the dating world that will have you stepping back, analyzing the situation and shaking your head.

You’ll feel so thankful that you didn’t get tied up in any craziness.

But what it really all boils down to, my friend, is that there has never been any foolproof way of navigating a curve around the hundreds of idiotic nerds, lushes, perennial singles (Mainly seniors who feel a lot younger than their age), misogynist (Someone who has a hatred towards women), players, and lunatic stalkers who line our city streets, local pubs, distant bars and karaoke joints.

The character profiles I’ve created in this book, are strictly for laughs along with some touches of reality. But between you and I, running into these types in our society, hopefully, will be far and few between. LOL!

You’re probably disgruntled because you look around and most people are coupled off, but not you. You can’t seem to find anyone!

My book will steer your mind in the right direction and enabling it to understand the type of singles which line are city streets.

Not knowing what to expect when mingling in the dating arena, you’d find yourself running across all types of profiles, regardless of occupation.

This is why I created many zany characters on this subject; showcasing their wants, needs and mainly just what you’ll be dealing with.

A relationship, regardless of how wacky, can be accomplished on all levels of life. The individual who’s searching, must maintain there sanity and remain focused.

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Young Ron, Buck Wild & Out Of Control

Thinking back when I was a young buck, back in the 70’s, I know I had my share of young ladies and made a lot of love.

I was a regular ladies man! I had friends that would hang around me, so that they can meet women! (They knew I’d ‘draw them in.)’

Back in the day, the rebel cry was ‘Make Love, Not War.’ We would never fight over a woman. The only ‘war’ we’d have was with the area street bullies.

The worst thing that would happen to us was a roughing up every now and then, by these neighborhood bullies.

They would rob us of whatever little money we had in our pockets. (sometimes tried to hide things in our socks, but we couldn’t outsmart those jokers.

They just made us take our shoes off!) A quick ‘shake down’ and it’s over!

Not the way things are today, especially on the city south and west side. Way too much violence! So sad!

Cartooning & music were my other two major loves (next to women)

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 When I first involved myself with music, I started a singing group back in the 60’s. Then I moved to voice-over commercial jingles. After moving to LA, I still do music.

On different days through the week, and on weekends I spend time singing karaoke in various sports bars around the South Bay area in California.(Jamming the hits).

Wanna see my video and hear me sing? (You can also subscribe as well), go to the link below:  

https://www.youtube.com/@ShowtimeRon603/videos

But my art creativity still remained at the forefront of my life. I Love to paint & draw!

A full display of my work of drawings, oil paintings, acrylics as well as music could be viewed here on my Instagram/karaoke & Art.

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I Love Working On My Art

 

Below I’m busy at working on one of my animal paintings. 

This fair would feature oil paintings, framed drawings of unique subjects, hand-crafted dolls, airbrush pictures, metal sculptures, watercolors, etc;

It’s an exciting time among each artist every year! We all bonded together like family at the outdoor fairs.

All art lovers alike got together for a great time! After I did not achieve my goal as an art instructor, teaching at the Art institute of Chicago, I became interested in the movie business. 

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Lights! Camera!! Action!!!

 

For some reason, holly wood producers found Chicago an excellent place to shoot movies.

When they came to film, I was right there auditioning! (I never missed a beat!)

I met many stars like basketball great Bill Russell, pint-sized comedian Gary Coleman, Norman Fell (From Three’s Company), Paul Sorvino, Retired hockey star Bobby Hall, just to name a few. Being an ‘Extra’ or a ‘Stand in’ in a film was interesting work.

But when I wasn’t doing this, you’d find me back at work in front of my drawing board. Business as usual.

I’m so thankful to God each and everyday for giving me the talent which He instilled in me. But I also take NOTHING for granted. So I would say to all of you:

Never put limits yourself! Dig deep within yourself and tap into that hidden talent!

 

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