Dating and Relationships, How To Love a Bumbling Cook

How To Love a Bumbling Cook | Profile Of Careless Carla

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Absolutely No Culinary Skills

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As a man seek a good woman today, one of the first qualities he looks for is ‘can she throw down’ in the kitchen? Guys, you’ve heard the old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” This is so true. Men love to eat and look for a woman who loves to cook. A lady with ‘old fashion’ values. In regards to how loving a bumbling cook is No picnic, No dude wants stomachhow to love a bumbling cook poisoning.  You may as well get in the kitchen and cook your own damn food. These statements hold some truth in most cases regarding love, romance and hospitalization.

A Rising Cost In Hospitalization Insurance

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It is well known Carla is very popular with one of the CEO’s  largest insurance companies. She brings in much repeat business regarding local hospital stays with her men. Stomach pumps are a ‘hot’ commodity in regards to the most popular how to love a bumbling cookhospital item used. Yes, they love love Carla! She makes them money. It’s safe to say that every dude loves a woman that can cook good! (hell, all men got to eat, right?) A man wants a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. We like eating new shit (and not only in the bed room). LOL

But along comes Carla. (she can’t cook worth a shit!) She thinks she understands this concept about men and what they like when it comes to food & sex. This woman desperately want to please her man; not only in the bedroom, but also at the dinner table. She sometime wonder if she’ll ever be able to find true love. So now, let’s see what’s cooking with this goofy woman.

 

‘CARELESS CARLA’

VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 22 to 41, Height: 5’1″ to 5’7″, Weight: Lite & Fluffy!!

OCCUPATION – You may find this type working at the local fast food joint or a downtown deli. She’s the one usually involved when everyone smells smoke coming from the kitchen  and starts running for their lives.

FAVORITE FOODS – A dinner invitation with Carla means a night of indigestion, diarrhea or constipation (Not to mention choking on smoke.) She’ll offer up her favorite dish of raw onions & minnows on moldy buttered bread. Lunch would be tainted tuna fish on beef how-to-love-a-bumbling-cook-profile-of-careless-carlacrackers. Oh yeah, and you better get use to her special home-made dessert, the ever-popular… Baked ‘Snot-on-a-stick’ with Chocolate Chip boogers.’

FAVORITE DRINKS – When over at her place, sit back, relax and enjoy the cool refreshing taste of donkey sweat.  Also, before bedding this crazy woman, she’ll have you gulp down a large glass of ‘crushed grasshopper wings’ and salt water. (Her theory is that you’ll be ‘up & hopping’ all night, never tiring during sex.)

FAVORITE MUSIC – Come on over and listen to her collection: ‘Martha Steward Sings Songs From The Kitchen.’  And don’t be surprised if she lays her head on your shoulder and serenade you herself (Funky breath and all).

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – Carla’s a Big movie buff! She loves sneaking into the movies (At least, she use to. But now knows she’s too old for that shit!)  But since the pandemic, she’s confined at home watching all the International cooking shows she steals from cable tv.

You may also get invited to see that brand new, broad way play; ‘It Must Be Jelly, Cause Jam Don’t Shake Like That!’ 

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – Once you fan away the thick smoke to find a chair to sit, you’ll then relax with her and watch the long distance pork chop tossing contest.

And less not forget the 25 guys competing for the title of who can eat 57 hotdogs in 25 minutes (Whoever pukes first is out of the competition).

TYPE OF CAR – None of her own. She’ll be the one driving that old run down, rusted-out food caterer truck between 10 and 5pm.

LAST BOOK- ‘25 Ways to Microwave & Serve Goat Liver.’ by author & special food critic, Mr. Yul Gag’n’puke.

TURN-ONS – She really gets a big thrill out of new supermarket ‘grand openings,’ easy-to-follow cooking recipes (Yeah, like it’s really gonna help), discount coupons good for a month and folks selling illegal EBT food stamp cards.

TURN-OFFS – Generic aluminum foil that doesn’t seal, wax paper that doesn’t hold and sauce pans without matching lids.

SECRET FANTASY – To one day own the most exciting and exclusive restaurant this side of the globe.

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Scorpiohow-to-love-a-bumbling-cook-profile-of-careless-carla

PERSONALITY – With a half-baked brain and zero cooking skills, she still struggle to find her way in life (not to mention finding her way in the kitchen).

This woman was married four times and each marriage ended regarding the spouses ‘near-death’ experience with her meatloaf. She was very close to providing business to the various funeral homes, but miraculously her men all pulled through. Single once again, Carla relaxation after work consist of baking at home, despite constant warnings from the city fire chief.

IDEAL MAN – The culinary art is a must for him to accomplish. He has to be a ‘real sharp cookie’ with lots of positive moves on his plate.

WHERE TO MEET – You’ll find this type arguing with someone in the supermarket checkout line. Or maybe you’ll meet at a ‘home appliance convention’ or unfortunately, she’ll be a blind date.

GOAL – To one day write a best selling cookbook.

RATING: 1.2… Life with this female nut case, could only mean you eating bad dinners and making sure your health insurance coverage doesn’t lapse. Be prepared to find yourself in the kitchen more than her. But who knows, she maybe just right for you. 

Experiencing constant constipation four times a week (And diarrhea every Saturday and Sunday afternoon along with a high fever over 104) is something that you may never get used to. But if you can handle all these chaotic symptoms, then life can be a ‘Bowl of Cherries”. 

Can’t get enough of this funny stuff?

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50 Comments to “How To Love a Bumbling Cook | Profile Of Careless Carla”

  1. Robert

    That was HILARIOUS! I am thankful that I never came across a woman like that and if I did I would definitely “try” to teach her how to cook before getting serious with her. I learned long ago how to cook and I am pretty darn good at it, as I have been told by many who have tasted my creations.

    This skill comes in handy because my present girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is great at cooking, is around a 5. In our relationship I do the majority of the cooking and she does the majority of the clean up. Equal but opposite compatibility in the kitchen. In the bedroom…we work well there too. LOL

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Robert, who wants a woman that may accidentally burn down the house while she’s in the kitchen experimenting? (Just fix me a sandwich!) Hey I love to eat just like the next person, but damn she’ll have to get it together before my next visit over. Please share my funny post with others.

      Reply
  2. Gomer

    This is hilarious but after reading, I paused and realized that maybe I really need to have that book you’re offering. I’m turning 40 now and still single, it’s time for me to detach myself from my computer and go out there. I wanna date Carla but I’m not sure if she’s going to like me. Is she real or just some kind of fictional character you used here?

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      How are you, Gomer? Glad you liked my post. To answer your question my friend, when you really think about it, there is a little Carla in us all when it comes down to what we can or cannot do in the kitchen. We aren’t all great chefs, but we all love to eat! Carla just depict on what reality is when it comes down to cooking. Hell, it ain’t all great, but you gotta start somewhere! 

      Reply
  3. Vicki

    Careless Carla is so funny- What a terrible girl- I mean really. How is she gonna find her soul mate unless he can bring her to his table of goodies I guess

    I love the humour in this post and can’t wait to read more so will bookmark for future adventures

    You rock!!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Vicki, Careless Carla is in a ‘class by herself.’ She wants to be known for her culinary skills, but hey, ain’t nothing happening in that area. In her mind only, she thinks she can ‘get down’ in the kitchen and the bedroom. But where she may succeed in one area, she may fail in the other. Please share my funny post. 

      Reply
  4. Dave Sweney

    The generic Careless Carla profile seems to have a bit of the scandalous and endearing all rolled up together. This profile indicates an easy to love the personality that would be a good fit for almost anyone looking for good food and excitement at the same time. Or not? 

    Of course, since this is just an example of what is out there these days, a bumbling cook is a trait that may be far too prevalent with many men and women, with the advent of home delivery of any kind of food, whether fast food or high-end items…

    The post is funny and I think you may have touched on something that needs to be examined by all people using sites to find that ideal mate. Perhaps a bit of work is required to present a better image to others? In any case, Careless Carla provides a good laugh…Something we all need regularly!  Thanks…

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Dave, thank you for checking in and reading my post. If you really think about it, there’s a little bit of Carla in all of us, regardless if it’s a man or woman. We swing on both sides of the spectrum; we may be bad in the kitchen, but ‘do good work’ in the bedroom. But let’s give high praise to the fast food industry! (Thank God they’re there we we need them 🙂 

      Reply
  5. Abayomi

    Fascinating article, reading this write-up, I could not hold my feeling by saying kudos to your writing prowess. You made my day going through your post. For a woman to keep her home she must be good in the kitchen and also satisfy her husband in the bedroom. Experiencing constant diarrhea one week, then constipation four times a week is something you may never get used to. This shows that she knew nothing about cooking, every woman must be good at cooking, for her previous husband to have abandoned her. it’s very terrible! Thanks for sharing ,

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Yes, a good woman is hard to find. She MUST, by all standards, be ready to do double-duty. She must be a good cook and by an excellent partner in the bedroom. I can probably speak for most guys when I say “that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Men like to eat in both locations….if you know what I mean! 

      Reply
  6. Gaurav Gaur

    Hi, Ronald.
    It was so hilarious, right from the title ‘Profile of careless Carla” to the minute details in between and finally the secret fantasies. I went through this post in one go and it kept me analyzing the whole day whenever I came across a lady in my office and getting surprised on what category she may lie.
    I am bookmarking your page and hope to see more such classifications – Now I am really curious to know variety of people around me.
    Warm Regards,
    Gaurav Gaur

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you my friend Gaurav for visiting my page. Glad you like my work and got a good laugh. I love to get positive reactions from my readers. Creating careless Carla was fun and I know many guys, and women too, knows someone that fit this description. They can relate to it. Please pass this funny post on to others to enjoy.

      Reply
  7. Henderson

    As funny as I find this post, this kind of women do really exist and I know my friend to have a girlfriend like this, I’m hoping to God he doesn’t dream of marrying her because he’ll cook his ass out. He gets to cook for her everytime and guess what, this one likes eating alot. I hope not to meet with a woman like this though because I really like my food and I love ladies that cook real good.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      A they say Henderson,”the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I guess you and I are both just alike. I love to eat myself and definitely would want a woman who likes to cook. But unfortunately, with the passing of my wife, four years ago, I’m now forced to prepare my own meals. Right now, I’ll just deal with my own cooking/eating situation.(Don’t wanna deal with a Carla type.)lol

      Reply
  8. Mariam

    Hi Ronald.

    Nice write up!. There are definitely a few careless carlas out there. Glad i know stuff about cooking. Your writing skill is also very good. I enjoyed every line. Witty too! lolz. It also seems to me, that Carla is one lady that doesn’t give up easy. I mean, she’s ready to read all the cookery books, watch the cookery videos…whatever to keep her man happy. If you are that man, you should be glad and try your possible best to endure the frequent visits to the loo. Oops!!!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Yes Mariam, it’s definitely No fun making constant trips to the loo. (We got better things to do, right)lol. All-in-all, having a great cook and great sexual partner is something most men & women strive for. It’s good to have the ‘best of both worlds’. Some folks just have it that way!! Please share my post with others. 

      Reply
  9. Nice Gal Nikki

    Ha ha ha what a funny article you wrote here! The world needs more websites such as this because life is too short and we need laughs. This woman sounds like she would be a man’s worst nightmare! Or not..lol Keep writing humorous articles like this, you never know whos’ day you can be making sometime when they are feeling down!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you Nice Gal. Glad you got a kick out of Careless Carla. She is in a class by herself, always wanting to do things her way. (“I did it myyyyy waaaaay..”)lol. You have to give her credit though. Like her or not she’s creative (in her own way), in the kitchen. Please share my funny article with others. 

      Reply
  10. RoDarrick

    This was definitely hilarious. I’m gald I didn’t come across a woman like this because I would have ran the hell out of my soul just to escape her. Ive seen a couple of this kind of woman in movies and trust me, they are the worst possible kind. The way you have structured her personality makes this very much hilarious. Glad I wasn’t eating anything peppery at the time of reading this post. Thanks

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you Ro for visiting my post. Yes, Carla’s in a class by herself; or should I say a ‘special class.’ A type of class where an individual just can’t seem to get it together. It seems like these ‘Carla’s’ are everywhere, bumbling and fumbling trying to get their life in order. But never fear, they’ll find a way into some poor soul’s heart. Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  11. Emmanuel Buysse

    It’s a very funny post, the truth is that I loved it. I enjoy reading it a lot.
    Here I have to say that my wife cooks wonderfully, she is Mexican and has a spectacular seasoning, unlike me, because the truth is that I do not know how to cook, but I wanted to learn, so she is the one who helps me and teaches me some techniques in the kitchen and how it should be cooked.

    Greetings.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Emmanuel, thank you for the compliment regarding my site. I’m glad you got a kick out of my article. Hey, I love Mexican food! I love the spices in that type of food. (Frankly, I love all types of food; because I love to eat!) I know how to cook a little (had to learn since my wife died four years ago). It’s good you’re learning cooking techniques in the kitchen. Never know when it may come in handy. 

      Reply
  12. Matt

    Hi Lovefolks,

    Another post for a kind of person that looks for love, what an amazing article! I love all the descriptions about Carla in this article, the funniest part is Carla’s “SECRET FANTASY”, it’s to wrestle around in a large tub of pudding with world-class chefs and food critics. I almost split my sides with laughter!!!

    Matt

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Matt, welcome back. Happy to have you as one of my regular readers regarding my various post. Carla is another classic that readers can relate to. She’s a ‘one woman show’ who struggling getting it together. Poor thing! Please share my post with others on social media.

      Reply
  13. Monalisha

    Hi Ronald 

    Thanks a lot for sharing this such hilarious content with us bumbling cook. It is really great. I have shared an old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You are absolutely right that cooking is a short way to grow love. Man want a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. I have read your full post and enjoyed very much. 

    Thanks again. I’ll share this post with my friends and family so that they also can get fun. 

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Monalisha, your comment is well appreciated, so for now I’ll work with it. Originality is what’s more important, rather if it’s from the reader or the creator of the work. This is what’s key! Thanks for checking in.

      Reply
  14. Chloe

    I kept laughing all way through this post and I just say its pretty hilarious. If ever meet a woman who doesn’t know how manage the kitchen I don’t know how well I can manage with that. But I would live to meet someone in reality like the character in your book. A really amazing post I must confess

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you Chloe for reading and getting a kick out of it. This woman needs some serious lessons on what it takes to run a smooth operational kitchen. Her cookbook is doing her no justice! (Lets pray that she doesn’t burn the neighborhood down, let alone the kitchen). Over time, she’ll get it together. Please share my funny post with others. 

      Reply
  15. Stephanie

    Lol, reading this definitely changed my mood this morning. It’s funny because I’m sure there are people out there just like this. My favourite part was her “turn ons”…getting excited at new store openings! Love it!…Thankfully, I know a bit about cooking and learning new things every day, so won’t end up like Careless Carla lol. 

    Keep up the fun content! 🙂

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Stephanie, Careless Carla struggles everyday trying to prepare dishes. She wanna be the ‘Best She Can Be.’ but I guess her best isn’t good enough. Oh well, what Carla gonna do? A good husband who knows how to cook is what the doctor ordered. (She can sure use the help!) Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  16. Paul

    OMG! I struggled a lot to stop my laughter. I like the humor in this post.

    Indeed, a woman who can cook well is a high priority rather than her beauty lol. Nice article. I really enjoyed the content and in the manner that you presented. By GODS grace I escaped from this careless carla and my wife is serious Sarah. When we got married she doesn’t know to cook and testing & tasting her cooking is the biggest challenge & struggle for me.

    Thanks to YouTube her cooking is fine now. I was with full of workload and pressure today but after reading your post I am relaxed.

    Thanks for taking the time to do this!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hi Paul, thanks for checking out my site. You’ve very lucky to have a loving wife who likes to cook…and can cook! Many women struggle in the kitchen. (Some ‘ace’ their meals). I think more women should view YouTube videos for some ‘tasty’ lessons. I want a woman that can ‘throw down’ in the kitchen. Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  17. Willy

    This is a really interesting and nice review to feed on… A lot of ladies lack ideas like this and do not have enough knowledge about the power of food and how it can change and make the mind of men. As a man I love food and I can hardly do without eating good food daily. So definitely this would make me love any lady that can treat me well with food with all my heart and that is why I agree with these review and commend it also. Thanks for this nice article, I recommend it for all ladies.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hi Willy, thanks for stopping by and visiting my site. If u anything like me, I know you love to eat. So it’s only fitting that we need a woman around that can cook. To take care of our belly needs! They always say that ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Please share my page with others.

      Reply
  18. Bonnie

    Yummy! Ha ha, this was really funny! Scary thing is, I bet there are plenty of “Carlas” out there. So beware! I noticed you said she was a Scorpio. I wonder if you had experience with a Scorpio, or you just randomly picked that sign.

    I will be bookmarking this site so I can read more hilarious posts like this! Thanks!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Bonnie, I agree with u that there are many Carla’s out there screwing up many meals. They think that they cook well, but in all reality, the food come out tasting like shit!! Cooking classes are very helpful in this time of need. Some women really need help in their culunary skills , but I think most are good at what they do in the kitchen.

      Reply
  19. Karen Metz

    Very FUNNY!  Where in the world would you find a woman like that?  I love cooking “odd” foods and would love to talk to her and get her recipes for my recipe website.  I’m also Scorpio, so we should get along great.  LOL  Thank you for a good laugh today, I needed it.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you Karen for checking out my site. Carla will burn down any kitchen if you let her. She tries her best to cook what she can, but ‘failure’ always rear its ugly head! If you got a ‘strong stomach’ then u may be brave enough to sample her cooking….just make sure your ‘life insurance’ policy is paid up!! Please share my post with others!!

      Reply
  20. Benson

    As a male, I would always pick a last that can cook, because I don’t like eating outside the house expect maybe we plan dinner date. Careless Carla is one very funny post indeed and I have been laughing all the way as I read through this post.for me, I wouldn’t want to meet any lady who will be like this my whole life. It’s nice having such post that can crack you up. Beat regards.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Benson, having a woman cooking like this, You better have plenty of homeowners insurance that has a fire protection clause in the contract. You can kiss your house goodby! Because Carla, and her crazy cooking ways will definitely stir up Big Time trouble in the kitchen. Please share my funny post with others.

      Reply
  21. Kara

    This is hilarious! I love what you did here, you really painted a picture for me. 

    I am all in with that aluminum foil TURN OFF!! Add in the cheapest plastic wrap and you’ve got me pinned to a T.

    I love the way to compatibility – must be a man who CAN COOK so he can teach her! LOL Great post, thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hi Kara, thanks for commenting on the actions of this crazy woman. I give credit to Carla for trying. She’s a beginner that tries her best. But if you favor ‘food poisoning’ then this is your big chance to ‘gag’ and ‘puke’. LOL! Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  22. Holaric1

    Nice write up!. There are definitely a few careless Carlos out there. Glad i know stuff about cooking. Your writing skill is also very good. I enjoyed every line. Witty too! lolz. It also seems to me, that Carla is one lady that doesn’t give up easy.

    Thanks for sharing this amazing review 

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thanks my friend for reading. I’m happy you enjoyed Carla and all her kitchen mishaps. I’m glad most women know how to cook, not all but most. I love to eat, and hope I never end up with a crazy woman like that. Please share my post with others. 

      Reply
  23. Puneet

    When I first read this, I thought it was quite rude! But I re-read it, and I was in stitches! Soooo funny. Carla is definitely one in a million. but she really needs to learn how to cook. This is important for both men and women. My wife is an amazing cook and I am ok. We try and take it in turns but she is better than me and loves it, so I let her do the majority. Haha. Thank you for putting a smile on my face!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you my friend Puneet,for reading my funny post. Yes, Carla do need some serious training regarding to ‘getting down’ in the kitchen. Who wants a woman that’s gonna burn down the house!? By saying ‘I put a smile on your face,’ that means I’ve done my job. I love making people laugh! Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  24. Shey

    I had a very good time actually reading through this because it resonates well with my sister. Oh heck! It felt as if you had known her and you mirrored your description to her  seriously, this is a very good site and I have been laughing at all the content that I have seen here today. This is really good to see here. Thank you so much for sharing here with us all. 

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hey Shey, I’m glad you liked careless Carla. She’s something else. Shey, when you viewed my page, did the entire profile show? I went to open my page, and I noticed half the profile was missing. (I’m not sure how that happened.) Please let me know how the page viewed for you? Please leave me a comment on how careless Carla looked. Thank you.

      Reply
  25. Hanness

    Lol, u can’t really stop laughing since I State reading that article and it’s very surprising that that woman is amazingly spectacular, lol, don’t mind my irony. It’s good to read the articles like this to lighten up our mood and also give us nice nice Ideas to Learn from.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you for checking in and commenting on my funny post. I love brightening folks day with a bit of humor. (Even though it’s about someone burning the kitchen down!)LOL. We all need this. To much misery in the world today, much gloom! Right now, we’ll take anything to bring a smile to our face. Hope this brightened your day, Hanness.

      Reply

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