How to teach a woman to cook

How To Love a Bumbling Cook | Profile Of Careless Carla

 Absolutely No Culinary Skills


By Ronald Kennedy


Lets face it, guys! As a man seek a good woman today, one of the first qualities he looks for is ‘can she throw down’ in the kitchen?  You’ve heard the old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” This is so true.

Men love to eat and look for a woman who loves to cook. Men look for a woman who can ‘kick ass’ in the kitchen. Just between you and I, how to love a bumbling cook is No picnic. It’s really an ongoing learning experience!

No dude wants stomachHow to love a bumbling cook-profile of careless Carla

poisoning.  You may as well get in the kitchen and cook your own damn food.

These statements hold some truth. In the case of bumbling Carla regarding love, romance, hospitalization and life insurance, these things go hand-in-hand.



In all fairness, when a woman who cooks as bad as this lady, and is considered a bumbling cook looking for love, they do have other qualities that make up for the terrible job in the kitchen.

Super in bed? Perhaps! But it shouldn’t always be about sex only. Even though Carla stays horny as hell, she still can do other things to please her guy.

I don’t want to go deep into Carla’s sexual details, but understandably so, I’ll give her a little slack this time. When you really think about it, most guys like a woman with ‘old fashion’ values.

A woman who does great things at home is someone most men love to have in their corner. Also, someone who won’t burn down the kitchen frying an egg.

A Rising Cost In Hospitalization Insurance


It is well known, how loving a bumbling cook like Carla is really a task in itself. She’s very popular with one of the CEO’s  largest insurance companies. She brings in much repeat business regarding local hospital stays with her men.

Stomach pumps are a ‘hot’ commodity in regards to the most popular How to love a bumbling cook-profile of careless Carla

hospital item used.

Yes, they love love Carla! She makes them money. It’s safe to say that every dude loves a woman that can cook good! (hell, all men got to eat, right?)

A man wants a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. We like eating new shit (And not only in the bed room). LOL



But along comes Carla. (she can’t cook worth a shit!) She thinks she understands this concept about men and what they like when it comes to food & sex. She’s heard this from other women, that men will love you more if you take care of their stomach (This is what scares the hell out of her).

This woman desperately want to please her man; not only in the bedroom, but also at the dinner table. She sometime wonder if she’ll ever be able to find true love. So now, let’s see what’s cooking with this goofy woman.




VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 22 to 49, Height: 5’5″ to 5’9″, Weight: Prime Cut !!

OCCUPATION – You’ll find this type employed as a food service manager or the owner of her own catering business. She may also work in the frozen section of the neighborhood meat market.

FAVORITE FOODS – If she haven’t burnt the house down, she’ll invite you over for something special. Are you ready?  Prepare to indulge in a meal you probably never had before….

How to love a bumbling cook

A large roasted head of moose smothered in gravy, baked beans with half-cooked beacon, a side dish of squirrel stew along with a ice cold glass of donkey sweat.

And don’t forget dessert…rhino balls sprinkled with cinnamon sugar. (I hope like hell your medical insurance is paid up, and it covers stomach pumps). 

FAVORITE DRINKS – After dinner (If you’re still alive), you and Carla will toast to your relationship, with two shots of reindeer snot ‘on the rocks!’ 

FAVORITE MUSIC – She will play for you, her cd disc of that old song, ‘Lets fall in love’ by that 1970 duet “Peaches & Herb”

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – You’ll relax with Carla on the sofa and watch old re-runs of ‘The Martha Stewart cooking show.’ ‘The Galloping Gourmet’, and a taping of that new Broadway production, ‘It Must be Jelly, Cause Jam Don’t Shake Like That!’

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – She’ll have you participating in fun things like the annual ‘Squash Slinging’ competition. Also, she’ll want you to be a judge in the ‘long distance pork chop tossing contest,’ along with the ‘meat loaf bake off’ event.

TYPE OF CAR – A catering truck would be the vehicle of choice, because she thinks she’ll earn extra money by selling her bad cooking and lousy sandwiches!

LAST BOOK- 25 Ways To Microwave & Serve Goat Liver” by special foreign food critic; Mr. Uwoud Gagan’-puke.

TURN-ONS – She really gets a thrill from new supermarket openings, discount food coupons that’s good for a month and food blenders that don’t work properly.

TURN-OFFS – Cheap generic aluminum foil that easily rips, wax paper that doesn’t hold and having pans without matching lids.

SECRET FANTASY – To own the most exciting and exclusive restaurant this side of the globe.


Rons zodiac sign

PERSONALITY – With a half-baked mind and attempts to learn better cooking skills, this woman was married three times.

Each relationship ended in serious arguments with her spouse over who controls the kitchen (But really, it’s more of the husband fighting, trying to keep Carla’s ass out of the kitchen.)

Single once again, her relaxation after work consist of trying to bake and who knows she may be capable of out doing your mama. You could classify her as a kitchen junkie.

This chick thinks (In her mind) she has the ‘golden touch’ when it comes down to preparing exotic meals from scratch. 

IDEAL MAN – The culinary art is a must for him to know! He also must know how to prepare a 5 course dinner, run her bath, manicure her toes and make love all night in a ‘cabbage patch field!’

WHERE TO MEET – In the food line at Denny’s, at the check out register at Popeyes Chicken, and at your local pancake house!

GOAL – To one day, write a best seller cookbook.

RATING: 1.2….Life with this crazy nutty woman could only mean you washing dishes, preparing meals, cleaning house while she read through stacks of cookbooks. You’ll be bored sitting around her girlfriends discussing coupon trading.

Experiencing constant diarrhea 3 times a week, you know damn well, is something you could never get used to. But if you could handle it & don’t mind midnight runs to the ‘all night’ drugstore, then life could be a ‘Bowl of Cherries.’



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  1. That was HILARIOUS! I am thankful that I never came across a woman like that and if I did I would definitely “try” to teach her how to cook before getting serious with her. I learned long ago how to cook and I am pretty darn good at it, as I have been told by many who have tasted my creations.

    This skill comes in handy because my present girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is great at cooking, is around a 5. In our relationship I do the majority of the cooking and she does the majority of the clean up. Equal but opposite compatibility in the kitchen. In the bedroom…we work well there too. LOL

    1. Hey Robert, who wants a woman that may accidentally burn down the house while she’s in the kitchen experimenting? (Just fix me a sandwich!) Hey I love to eat just like the next person, but damn she’ll have to get it together before my next visit over. Please share my funny post with others.

  2. This is hilarious but after reading, I paused and realized that maybe I really need to have that book you’re offering. I’m turning 40 now and still single, it’s time for me to detach myself from my computer and go out there. I wanna date Carla but I’m not sure if she’s going to like me. Is she real or just some kind of fictional character you used here?

    1. How are you, Gomer? Glad you liked my post. To answer your question my friend, when you really think about it, there is a little Carla in us all when it comes down to what we can or cannot do in the kitchen. We aren’t all great chefs, but we all love to eat! Carla just depict on what reality is when it comes down to cooking. Hell, it ain’t all great, but you gotta start somewhere! 

  3. Careless Carla is so funny- What a terrible girl- I mean really. How is she gonna find her soul mate unless he can bring her to his table of goodies I guess

    I love the humour in this post and can’t wait to read more so will bookmark for future adventures

    You rock!!

    1. Hey Vicki, Careless Carla is in a ‘class by herself.’ She wants to be known for her culinary skills, but hey, ain’t nothing happening in that area. In her mind only, she thinks she can ‘get down’ in the kitchen and the bedroom. But where she may succeed in one area, she may fail in the other. Please share my funny post. 

  4. The generic Careless Carla profile seems to have a bit of the scandalous and endearing all rolled up together. This profile indicates an easy to love the personality that would be a good fit for almost anyone looking for good food and excitement at the same time. Or not? 

    Of course, since this is just an example of what is out there these days, a bumbling cook is a trait that may be far too prevalent with many men and women, with the advent of home delivery of any kind of food, whether fast food or high-end items…

    The post is funny and I think you may have touched on something that needs to be examined by all people using sites to find that ideal mate. Perhaps a bit of work is required to present a better image to others? In any case, Careless Carla provides a good laugh…Something we all need regularly!  Thanks…

    1. Hey Dave, thank you for checking in and reading my post. If you really think about it, there’s a little bit of Carla in all of us, regardless if it’s a man or woman. We swing on both sides of the spectrum; we may be bad in the kitchen, but ‘do good work’ in the bedroom. But let’s give high praise to the fast food industry! (Thank God they’re there we we need them 🙂 

  5. Fascinating article, reading this write-up, I could not hold my feeling by saying kudos to your writing prowess. You made my day going through your post. For a woman to keep her home she must be good in the kitchen and also satisfy her husband in the bedroom. Experiencing constant diarrhea one week, then constipation four times a week is something you may never get used to. This shows that she knew nothing about cooking, every woman must be good at cooking, for her previous husband to have abandoned her. it’s very terrible! Thanks for sharing ,

    1. Yes, a good woman is hard to find. She MUST, by all standards, be ready to do double-duty. She must be a good cook and by an excellent partner in the bedroom. I can probably speak for most guys when I say “that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Men like to eat in both locations….if you know what I mean! 

  6. Hi, Ronald.
    It was so hilarious, right from the title ‘Profile of careless Carla” to the minute details in between and finally the secret fantasies. I went through this post in one go and it kept me analyzing the whole day whenever I came across a lady in my office and getting surprised on what category she may lie.
    I am bookmarking your page and hope to see more such classifications – Now I am really curious to know variety of people around me.
    Warm Regards,
    Gaurav Gaur

    1. Thank you my friend Gaurav for visiting my page. Glad you like my work and got a good laugh. I love to get positive reactions from my readers. Creating careless Carla was fun and I know many guys, and women too, knows someone that fit this description. They can relate to it. Please pass this funny post on to others to enjoy.

  7. As funny as I find this post, this kind of women do really exist and I know my friend to have a girlfriend like this, I’m hoping to God he doesn’t dream of marrying her because he’ll cook his ass out. He gets to cook for her everytime and guess what, this one likes eating alot. I hope not to meet with a woman like this though because I really like my food and I love ladies that cook real good.

    1. A they say Henderson,”the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I guess you and I are both just alike. I love to eat myself and definitely would want a woman who likes to cook. But unfortunately, with the passing of my wife, four years ago, I’m now forced to prepare my own meals. Right now, I’ll just deal with my own cooking/eating situation.(Don’t wanna deal with a Carla type.)lol

  8. Hi Ronald.

    Nice write up!. There are definitely a few careless carlas out there. Glad i know stuff about cooking. Your writing skill is also very good. I enjoyed every line. Witty too! lolz. It also seems to me, that Carla is one lady that doesn’t give up easy. I mean, she’s ready to read all the cookery books, watch the cookery videos…whatever to keep her man happy. If you are that man, you should be glad and try your possible best to endure the frequent visits to the loo. Oops!!!

    1. Yes Mariam, it’s definitely No fun making constant trips to the loo. (We got better things to do, right)lol. All-in-all, having a great cook and great sexual partner is something most men & women strive for. It’s good to have the ‘best of both worlds’. Some folks just have it that way!! Please share my post with others. 

  9. Ha ha ha what a funny article you wrote here! The world needs more websites such as this because life is too short and we need laughs. This woman sounds like she would be a man’s worst nightmare! Or Keep writing humorous articles like this, you never know whos’ day you can be making sometime when they are feeling down!

    1. Thank you Nice Gal. Glad you got a kick out of Careless Carla. She is in a class by herself, always wanting to do things her way. (“I did it myyyyy waaaaay..”)lol. You have to give her credit though. Like her or not she’s creative (in her own way), in the kitchen. Please share my funny article with others. 

  10. This was definitely hilarious. I’m gald I didn’t come across a woman like this because I would have ran the hell out of my soul just to escape her. Ive seen a couple of this kind of woman in movies and trust me, they are the worst possible kind. The way you have structured her personality makes this very much hilarious. Glad I wasn’t eating anything peppery at the time of reading this post. Thanks

    1. Thank you Ro for visiting my post. Yes, Carla’s in a class by herself; or should I say a ‘special class.’ A type of class where an individual just can’t seem to get it together. It seems like these ‘Carla’s’ are everywhere, bumbling and fumbling trying to get their life in order. But never fear, they’ll find a way into some poor soul’s heart. Please share my post with others.

  11. It’s a very funny post, the truth is that I loved it. I enjoy reading it a lot.
    Here I have to say that my wife cooks wonderfully, she is Mexican and has a spectacular seasoning, unlike me, because the truth is that I do not know how to cook, but I wanted to learn, so she is the one who helps me and teaches me some techniques in the kitchen and how it should be cooked.


    1. Emmanuel, thank you for the compliment regarding my site. I’m glad you got a kick out of my article. Hey, I love Mexican food! I love the spices in that type of food. (Frankly, I love all types of food; because I love to eat!) I know how to cook a little (had to learn since my wife died four years ago). It’s good you’re learning cooking techniques in the kitchen. Never know when it may come in handy. 

  12. Hi Lovefolks,

    Another post for a kind of person that looks for love, what an amazing article! I love all the descriptions about Carla in this article, the funniest part is Carla’s “SECRET FANTASY”, it’s to wrestle around in a large tub of pudding with world-class chefs and food critics. I almost split my sides with laughter!!!


    1. Hey Matt, welcome back. Happy to have you as one of my regular readers regarding my various post. Carla is another classic that readers can relate to. She’s a ‘one woman show’ who struggling getting it together. Poor thing! Please share my post with others on social media.

  13. Hi Ronald 

    Thanks a lot for sharing this such hilarious content with us bumbling cook. It is really great. I have shared an old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You are absolutely right that cooking is a short way to grow love. Man want a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. I have read your full post and enjoyed very much. 

    Thanks again. I’ll share this post with my friends and family so that they also can get fun. 

    1. Monalisha, your comment is well appreciated, so for now I’ll work with it. Originality is what’s more important, rather if it’s from the reader or the creator of the work. This is what’s key! Thanks for checking in.

  14. I kept laughing all way through this post and I just say its pretty hilarious. If ever meet a woman who doesn’t know how manage the kitchen I don’t know how well I can manage with that. But I would live to meet someone in reality like the character in your book. A really amazing post I must confess

    1. Thank you Chloe for reading and getting a kick out of it. This woman needs some serious lessons on what it takes to run a smooth operational kitchen. Her cookbook is doing her no justice! (Lets pray that she doesn’t burn the neighborhood down, let alone the kitchen). Over time, she’ll get it together. Please share my funny post with others. 

  15. Lol, reading this definitely changed my mood this morning. It’s funny because I’m sure there are people out there just like this. My favourite part was her “turn ons”…getting excited at new store openings! Love it!…Thankfully, I know a bit about cooking and learning new things every day, so won’t end up like Careless Carla lol. 

    Keep up the fun content! 🙂

    1. Hey Stephanie, Careless Carla struggles everyday trying to prepare dishes. She wanna be the ‘Best She Can Be.’ but I guess her best isn’t good enough. Oh well, what Carla gonna do? A good husband who knows how to cook is what the doctor ordered. (She can sure use the help!) Please share my post with others.

  16. OMG! I struggled a lot to stop my laughter. I like the humor in this post.

    Indeed, a woman who can cook well is a high priority rather than her beauty lol. Nice article. I really enjoyed the content and in the manner that you presented. By GODS grace I escaped from this careless carla and my wife is serious Sarah. When we got married she doesn’t know to cook and testing & tasting her cooking is the biggest challenge & struggle for me.

    Thanks to YouTube her cooking is fine now. I was with full of workload and pressure today but after reading your post I am relaxed.

    Thanks for taking the time to do this!

    1. Hi Paul, thanks for checking out my site. You’ve very lucky to have a loving wife who likes to cook…and can cook! Many women struggle in the kitchen. (Some ‘ace’ their meals). I think more women should view YouTube videos for some ‘tasty’ lessons. I want a woman that can ‘throw down’ in the kitchen. Please share my post with others.

  17. This is a really interesting and nice review to feed on… A lot of ladies lack ideas like this and do not have enough knowledge about the power of food and how it can change and make the mind of men. As a man I love food and I can hardly do without eating good food daily. So definitely this would make me love any lady that can treat me well with food with all my heart and that is why I agree with these review and commend it also. Thanks for this nice article, I recommend it for all ladies.

    1. Hi Willy, thanks for stopping by and visiting my site. If u anything like me, I know you love to eat. So it’s only fitting that we need a woman around that can cook. To take care of our belly needs! They always say that ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Please share my page with others.

  18. Yummy! Ha ha, this was really funny! Scary thing is, I bet there are plenty of “Carlas” out there. So beware! I noticed you said she was a Scorpio. I wonder if you had experience with a Scorpio, or you just randomly picked that sign.

    I will be bookmarking this site so I can read more hilarious posts like this! Thanks!

    1. Hey Bonnie, I agree with u that there are many Carla’s out there screwing up many meals. They think that they cook well, but in all reality, the food come out tasting like shit!! Cooking classes are very helpful in this time of need. Some women really need help in their culunary skills , but I think most are good at what they do in the kitchen.

  19. Very FUNNY!  Where in the world would you find a woman like that?  I love cooking “odd” foods and would love to talk to her and get her recipes for my recipe website.  I’m also Scorpio, so we should get along great.  LOL  Thank you for a good laugh today, I needed it.

    1. Thank you Karen for checking out my site. Carla will burn down any kitchen if you let her. She tries her best to cook what she can, but ‘failure’ always rear its ugly head! If you got a ‘strong stomach’ then u may be brave enough to sample her cooking….just make sure your ‘life insurance’ policy is paid up!! Please share my post with others!!

  20. As a male, I would always pick a last that can cook, because I don’t like eating outside the house expect maybe we plan dinner date. Careless Carla is one very funny post indeed and I have been laughing all the way as I read through this post.for me, I wouldn’t want to meet any lady who will be like this my whole life. It’s nice having such post that can crack you up. Beat regards.

    1. Hey Benson, having a woman cooking like this, You better have plenty of homeowners insurance that has a fire protection clause in the contract. You can kiss your house goodby! Because Carla, and her crazy cooking ways will definitely stir up Big Time trouble in the kitchen. Please share my funny post with others.

  21. This is hilarious! I love what you did here, you really painted a picture for me. 

    I am all in with that aluminum foil TURN OFF!! Add in the cheapest plastic wrap and you’ve got me pinned to a T.

    I love the way to compatibility – must be a man who CAN COOK so he can teach her! LOL Great post, thanks for sharing!

    1. Hi Kara, thanks for commenting on the actions of this crazy woman. I give credit to Carla for trying. She’s a beginner that tries her best. But if you favor ‘food poisoning’ then this is your big chance to ‘gag’ and ‘puke’. LOL! Please share my post with others.

  22. Nice write up!. There are definitely a few careless Carlos out there. Glad i know stuff about cooking. Your writing skill is also very good. I enjoyed every line. Witty too! lolz. It also seems to me, that Carla is one lady that doesn’t give up easy.

    Thanks for sharing this amazing review 

    1. Thanks my friend for reading. I’m happy you enjoyed Carla and all her kitchen mishaps. I’m glad most women know how to cook, not all but most. I love to eat, and hope I never end up with a crazy woman like that. Please share my post with others. 

  23. When I first read this, I thought it was quite rude! But I re-read it, and I was in stitches! Soooo funny. Carla is definitely one in a million. but she really needs to learn how to cook. This is important for both men and women. My wife is an amazing cook and I am ok. We try and take it in turns but she is better than me and loves it, so I let her do the majority. Haha. Thank you for putting a smile on my face!

    1. Thank you my friend Puneet,for reading my funny post. Yes, Carla do need some serious training regarding to ‘getting down’ in the kitchen. Who wants a woman that’s gonna burn down the house!? By saying ‘I put a smile on your face,’ that means I’ve done my job. I love making people laugh! Please share my post with others.

  24. I had a very good time actually reading through this because it resonates well with my sister. Oh heck! It felt as if you had known her and you mirrored your description to her  seriously, this is a very good site and I have been laughing at all the content that I have seen here today. This is really good to see here. Thank you so much for sharing here with us all. 

    1. Hey Shey, I’m glad you liked careless Carla. She’s something else. Shey, when you viewed my page, did the entire profile show? I went to open my page, and I noticed half the profile was missing. (I’m not sure how that happened.) Please let me know how the page viewed for you? Please leave me a comment on how careless Carla looked. Thank you.

  25. Lol, u can’t really stop laughing since I State reading that article and it’s very surprising that that woman is amazingly spectacular, lol, don’t mind my irony. It’s good to read the articles like this to lighten up our mood and also give us nice nice Ideas to Learn from.

    1. Thank you for checking in and commenting on my funny post. I love brightening folks day with a bit of humor. (Even though it’s about someone burning the kitchen down!)LOL. We all need this. To much misery in the world today, much gloom! Right now, we’ll take anything to bring a smile to our face. Hope this brightened your day, Hanness.

  26. Haha, this post really made my day. I can imagine how hard it is to date someone like Carla. A few years ago, I also date someone who can’t cook but really love to eat. Fortunately, that person knows the best placed to eat various meals in the city. I enjoy those moments even though I hardly eat home cooking. 

    1. Having someone like Carla around, when it comes to cooking and eating, then you better have some PeptoBismo ready and a nearby hospital for stomach pump procedure. But to make it easier on everyone, just go out to eat!

  27. This was a great article. I am still young but never had a real girlfriend but now I think I am ready for one.

    I am in love right now but I just think she is not feeling the same way and that just breaks my Heart.

    But you never know maybe we end up together afterall and have kids , that is really all I want.

    Thanks for your informative article and keep up the good work.

    1. Hello my friend. How are you? I’m glad you enjoyed my article. You state that you were worried about attracting a certain girl. (I’ve been through that myself years ago.) But now i help many find true love or get the one you want. Below is a link I want you to open. Guaranteed to get that girl you’re after (Or ANY Girl for that matter). She’ll become so attracted to you. Let me know how it goes.

      This Is Amazing! Check it out!

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