How To Love a Bumbling Cook | Profile Of Careless Carla

Let The Good Times Burn!

Guys, you’ve heard the old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Well trust me, this saying holds true in most cases regarding love and romance.

It’s safe to say that every dude loves a woman that can cook good! (Hell, all men gotta eat, right?) A Man want a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. We like eating new shit (…and not only in the bed room.)LOL.

But along comes Carla. (Can’t cook worth a shit!) She thinks she understands this concept about men and what they like when it comes to food & sex. This woman desperately want to please her man; not only in the bedroom, but also at the dinner table. So now, let’s see what’s cooking with this goofy woman.

‘CARELESS CARLA’

VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 24 to 49, Height: 5’3″ to 5’7″, Weight: Slightly Lean!

OCCUPATION – You may find this type in a downtown cooking class, screwing everything up. Or she maybe a co-assistant at a catering business

FAVORITE FOODS – When you come by her place, she’ll have a candlelight dinner setting that includes ‘Roasted Head of Moose’ smothered in gravy. Also, be prepared to gobble down baked beans with raw beacon, squirrel stew and spanish rice. (Guys, if you don’t have health insurance, your ass better get some.)

FAVORITE DRINKS – You know you must have drinks with that dinner; so she’ll offer you her favorite, “cooking sherry on the rocks.” And towards those romantic evenings, you’ll sip on Jack Daniels with a buttermilk chaser.

FAVORITE MUSIC – She’ll have you listening to different versions of the old ‘Rice Crispy’ commercial jingles, and all the food jingles played on YouTube.

FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – She likes watching, “The Adventures of Cooking with Julia Childs,” “The Galloping Gourmet,” & that new broadway hit production, “It Must Be Jelly ‘Cause Jam Don’t Shake Like That.”

FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – With her, she’ll have you participating in such fun things as the annual ‘squash stomping’ event. Later, she’ll hope you enjoy the long distance ‘pork chop tossing’ contest and the spoiled ‘meat loaf bake-off’ event.

TYPE OF CAR – She loves the look and smell of new catering trucks. If she gets one, she’ll be able to haul around all the old cooking utensils she’s stolen over the years.

LAST BOOK- ‘7 Ways To Microwave & Serve Goat-head Liver’ by special, International food critic, Yule Gagkan Puke.

TURN-ONS – She get excited at new supermarket openings, discount coupons that are good for six months and food processors that don’t go bad.(But with her cooking skills, does it really matter?!)

TURN-OFFS –  Generic aluminum foil that rips easily and doesn’t seal, wax paper that doesn’t hold and pans without matching lids.

SECRET FANTASY – To wrestle around in a large tub of pudding with world-class chefs and food critics.

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Scorpio

PERSONALITY – Half-baked, and struggles at what she does, this woman was married three times. Each relationship ended with blow ups because her past spouses figured they were better at cooking than her.

Now single once again, her relaxation after work consist of trying new dishes to fuck up and being creative (…But Not successfully), in the kitchen.

IDEAL MAN – Must have culinary art skills that he can pass to her, with the hopes of her getting her shit together.

WHERE TO MEET – These clumsy-types are usually found spending their time at home appliance conventions, in super markets, at fast food joints and on blind dates.

GOAL – To write a best selling cookbook.

RATING: 4.8 – Life with this bumbling, unskilled woman could only mean one thing; you coming home from work, washing dishes and preparing the evening dinner. You’ll get tired of her constant coupon clipping & trading among her friends.

Experiencing constant diarrhea one week, then constipation four times a week is something you may never get use to. (It’s frustrating having to run and take a shit as soon as you get to work, then realize you can’t.) Damn!! But if you can handle it, then life can be a ‘Bowl of Cherries.’

*If you found this post hilarious, please share it with your friends and colleagues on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Ronald Kennedy

Comedy writer, cartoonist and singer. Attended the Art institute of Chicago in 1980. Graduated from Malcolm X in 2000 with an associate's degree in applied science. Been working online since 2004

42 Comments:

  1. That was HILARIOUS! I am thankful that I never came across a woman like that and if I did I would definitely “try” to teach her how to cook before getting serious with her. I learned long ago how to cook and I am pretty darn good at it, as I have been told by many who have tasted my creations.

    This skill comes in handy because my present girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is great at cooking, is around a 5. In our relationship I do the majority of the cooking and she does the majority of the clean up. Equal but opposite compatibility in the kitchen. In the bedroom…we work well there too. LOL

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Robert, who wants a woman that may accidentally burn down the house while she’s in the kitchen experimenting? (Just fix me a sandwich!) Hey I love to eat just like the next person, but damn she’ll have to get it together before my next visit over. Please share my funny post with others.

  2. This is hilarious but after reading, I paused and realized that maybe I really need to have that book you’re offering. I’m turning 40 now and still single, it’s time for me to detach myself from my computer and go out there. I wanna date Carla but I’m not sure if she’s going to like me. Is she real or just some kind of fictional character you used here?

    • Ronald Kennedy

      How are you, Gomer? Glad you liked my post. To answer your question my friend, when you really think about it, there is a little Carla in us all when it comes down to what we can or cannot do in the kitchen. We aren’t all great chefs, but we all love to eat! Carla just depict on what reality is when it comes down to cooking. Hell, it ain’t all great, but you gotta start somewhere! 

  3. Careless Carla is so funny- What a terrible girl- I mean really. How is she gonna find her soul mate unless he can bring her to his table of goodies I guess

    I love the humour in this post and can’t wait to read more so will bookmark for future adventures

    You rock!!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Vicki, Careless Carla is in a ‘class by herself.’ She wants to be known for her culinary skills, but hey, ain’t nothing happening in that area. In her mind only, she thinks she can ‘get down’ in the kitchen and the bedroom. But where she may succeed in one area, she may fail in the other. Please share my funny post. 

  4. The generic Careless Carla profile seems to have a bit of the scandalous and endearing all rolled up together. This profile indicates an easy to love the personality that would be a good fit for almost anyone looking for good food and excitement at the same time. Or not? 

    Of course, since this is just an example of what is out there these days, a bumbling cook is a trait that may be far too prevalent with many men and women, with the advent of home delivery of any kind of food, whether fast food or high-end items…

    The post is funny and I think you may have touched on something that needs to be examined by all people using sites to find that ideal mate. Perhaps a bit of work is required to present a better image to others? In any case, Careless Carla provides a good laugh…Something we all need regularly!  Thanks…

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Dave, thank you for checking in and reading my post. If you really think about it, there’s a little bit of Carla in all of us, regardless if it’s a man or woman. We swing on both sides of the spectrum; we may be bad in the kitchen, but ‘do good work’ in the bedroom. But let’s give high praise to the fast food industry! (Thank God they’re there we we need them 🙂 

  5. Fascinating article, reading this write-up, I could not hold my feeling by saying kudos to your writing prowess. You made my day going through your post. For a woman to keep her home she must be good in the kitchen and also satisfy her husband in the bedroom. Experiencing constant diarrhea one week, then constipation four times a week is something you may never get used to. This shows that she knew nothing about cooking, every woman must be good at cooking, for her previous husband to have abandoned her. it’s very terrible! Thanks for sharing ,

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes, a good woman is hard to find. She MUST, by all standards, be ready to do double-duty. She must be a good cook and by an excellent partner in the bedroom. I can probably speak for most guys when I say “that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Men like to eat in both locations….if you know what I mean! 

  6. Hi, Ronald.
    It was so hilarious, right from the title ‘Profile of careless Carla” to the minute details in between and finally the secret fantasies. I went through this post in one go and it kept me analyzing the whole day whenever I came across a lady in my office and getting surprised on what category she may lie.
    I am bookmarking your page and hope to see more such classifications – Now I am really curious to know variety of people around me.
    Warm Regards,
    Gaurav Gaur

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you my friend Gaurav for visiting my page. Glad you like my work and got a good laugh. I love to get positive reactions from my readers. Creating careless Carla was fun and I know many guys, and women too, knows someone that fit this description. They can relate to it. Please pass this funny post on to others to enjoy.

  7. As funny as I find this post, this kind of women do really exist and I know my friend to have a girlfriend like this, I’m hoping to God he doesn’t dream of marrying her because he’ll cook his ass out. He gets to cook for her everytime and guess what, this one likes eating alot. I hope not to meet with a woman like this though because I really like my food and I love ladies that cook real good.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      A they say Henderson,”the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I guess you and I are both just alike. I love to eat myself and definitely would want a woman who likes to cook. But unfortunately, with the passing of my wife, four years ago, I’m now forced to prepare my own meals. Right now, I’ll just deal with my own cooking/eating situation.(Don’t wanna deal with a Carla type.)lol

  8. Hi Ronald.

    Nice write up!. There are definitely a few careless carlas out there. Glad i know stuff about cooking. Your writing skill is also very good. I enjoyed every line. Witty too! lolz. It also seems to me, that Carla is one lady that doesn’t give up easy. I mean, she’s ready to read all the cookery books, watch the cookery videos…whatever to keep her man happy. If you are that man, you should be glad and try your possible best to endure the frequent visits to the loo. Oops!!!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Yes Mariam, it’s definitely No fun making constant trips to the loo. (We got better things to do, right)lol. All-in-all, having a great cook and great sexual partner is something most men & women strive for. It’s good to have the ‘best of both worlds’. Some folks just have it that way!! Please share my post with others. 

  9. Nice Gal Nikki

    Ha ha ha what a funny article you wrote here! The world needs more websites such as this because life is too short and we need laughs. This woman sounds like she would be a man’s worst nightmare! Or not..lol Keep writing humorous articles like this, you never know whos’ day you can be making sometime when they are feeling down!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Nice Gal. Glad you got a kick out of Careless Carla. She is in a class by herself, always wanting to do things her way. (“I did it myyyyy waaaaay..”)lol. You have to give her credit though. Like her or not she’s creative (in her own way), in the kitchen. Please share my funny article with others. 

  10. This was definitely hilarious. I’m gald I didn’t come across a woman like this because I would have ran the hell out of my soul just to escape her. Ive seen a couple of this kind of woman in movies and trust me, they are the worst possible kind. The way you have structured her personality makes this very much hilarious. Glad I wasn’t eating anything peppery at the time of reading this post. Thanks

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Ro for visiting my post. Yes, Carla’s in a class by herself; or should I say a ‘special class.’ A type of class where an individual just can’t seem to get it together. It seems like these ‘Carla’s’ are everywhere, bumbling and fumbling trying to get their life in order. But never fear, they’ll find a way into some poor soul’s heart. Please share my post with others.

  11. Emmanuel Buysse

    It’s a very funny post, the truth is that I loved it. I enjoy reading it a lot.
    Here I have to say that my wife cooks wonderfully, she is Mexican and has a spectacular seasoning, unlike me, because the truth is that I do not know how to cook, but I wanted to learn, so she is the one who helps me and teaches me some techniques in the kitchen and how it should be cooked.

    Greetings.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Emmanuel, thank you for the compliment regarding my site. I’m glad you got a kick out of my article. Hey, I love Mexican food! I love the spices in that type of food. (Frankly, I love all types of food; because I love to eat!) I know how to cook a little (had to learn since my wife died four years ago). It’s good you’re learning cooking techniques in the kitchen. Never know when it may come in handy. 

  12. Hi Lovefolks,

    Another post for a kind of person that looks for love, what an amazing article! I love all the descriptions about Carla in this article, the funniest part is Carla’s “SECRET FANTASY”, it’s to wrestle around in a large tub of pudding with world-class chefs and food critics. I almost split my sides with laughter!!!

    Matt

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Matt, welcome back. Happy to have you as one of my regular readers regarding my various post. Carla is another classic that readers can relate to. She’s a ‘one woman show’ who struggling getting it together. Poor thing! Please share my post with others on social media.

  13. Hi Ronald 

    Thanks a lot for sharing this such hilarious content with us bumbling cook. It is really great. I have shared an old saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You are absolutely right that cooking is a short way to grow love. Man want a good woman, who can prepare fantastic tasting dishes. I have read your full post and enjoyed very much. 

    Thanks again. I’ll share this post with my friends and family so that they also can get fun. 

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Monalisha, your comment is well appreciated, so for now I’ll work with it. Originality is what’s more important, rather if it’s from the reader or the creator of the work. This is what’s key! Thanks for checking in.

  14. I kept laughing all way through this post and I just say its pretty hilarious. If ever meet a woman who doesn’t know how manage the kitchen I don’t know how well I can manage with that. But I would live to meet someone in reality like the character in your book. A really amazing post I must confess

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Chloe for reading and getting a kick out of it. This woman needs some serious lessons on what it takes to run a smooth operational kitchen. Her cookbook is doing her no justice! (Lets pray that she doesn’t burn the neighborhood down, let alone the kitchen). Over time, she’ll get it together. Please share my funny post with others. 

  15. Lol, reading this definitely changed my mood this morning. It’s funny because I’m sure there are people out there just like this. My favourite part was her “turn ons”…getting excited at new store openings! Love it!…Thankfully, I know a bit about cooking and learning new things every day, so won’t end up like Careless Carla lol. 

    Keep up the fun content! 🙂

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Stephanie, Careless Carla struggles everyday trying to prepare dishes. She wanna be the ‘Best She Can Be.’ but I guess her best isn’t good enough. Oh well, what Carla gonna do? A good husband who knows how to cook is what the doctor ordered. (She can sure use the help!) Please share my post with others.

  16. OMG! I struggled a lot to stop my laughter. I like the humor in this post.

    Indeed, a woman who can cook well is a high priority rather than her beauty lol. Nice article. I really enjoyed the content and in the manner that you presented. By GODS grace I escaped from this careless carla and my wife is serious Sarah. When we got married she doesn’t know to cook and testing & tasting her cooking is the biggest challenge & struggle for me.

    Thanks to YouTube her cooking is fine now. I was with full of workload and pressure today but after reading your post I am relaxed.

    Thanks for taking the time to do this!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Paul, thanks for checking out my site. You’ve very lucky to have a loving wife who likes to cook…and can cook! Many women struggle in the kitchen. (Some ‘ace’ their meals). I think more women should view YouTube videos for some ‘tasty’ lessons. I want a woman that can ‘throw down’ in the kitchen. Please share my post with others.

  17. This is a really interesting and nice review to feed on… A lot of ladies lack ideas like this and do not have enough knowledge about the power of food and how it can change and make the mind of men. As a man I love food and I can hardly do without eating good food daily. So definitely this would make me love any lady that can treat me well with food with all my heart and that is why I agree with these review and commend it also. Thanks for this nice article, I recommend it for all ladies.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Willy, thanks for stopping by and visiting my site. If u anything like me, I know you love to eat. So it’s only fitting that we need a woman around that can cook. To take care of our belly needs! They always say that ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Please share my page with others.

  18. Yummy! Ha ha, this was really funny! Scary thing is, I bet there are plenty of “Carlas” out there. So beware! I noticed you said she was a Scorpio. I wonder if you had experience with a Scorpio, or you just randomly picked that sign.

    I will be bookmarking this site so I can read more hilarious posts like this! Thanks!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Bonnie, I agree with u that there are many Carla’s out there screwing up many meals. They think that they cook well, but in all reality, the food come out tasting like shit!! Cooking classes are very helpful in this time of need. Some women really need help in their culunary skills , but I think most are good at what they do in the kitchen.

  19. Very FUNNY!  Where in the world would you find a woman like that?  I love cooking “odd” foods and would love to talk to her and get her recipes for my recipe website.  I’m also Scorpio, so we should get along great.  LOL  Thank you for a good laugh today, I needed it.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you Karen for checking out my site. Carla will burn down any kitchen if you let her. She tries her best to cook what she can, but ‘failure’ always rear its ugly head! If you got a ‘strong stomach’ then u may be brave enough to sample her cooking….just make sure your ‘life insurance’ policy is paid up!! Please share my post with others!!

  20. As a male, I would always pick a last that can cook, because I don’t like eating outside the house expect maybe we plan dinner date. Careless Carla is one very funny post indeed and I have been laughing all the way as I read through this post.for me, I wouldn’t want to meet any lady who will be like this my whole life. It’s nice having such post that can crack you up. Beat regards.

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hey Benson, having a woman cooking like this, You better have plenty of homeowners insurance that has a fire protection clause in the contract. You can kiss your house goodby! Because Carla, and her crazy cooking ways will definitely stir up Big Time trouble in the kitchen. Please share my funny post with others.

  21. This is hilarious! I love what you did here, you really painted a picture for me. 

    I am all in with that aluminum foil TURN OFF!! Add in the cheapest plastic wrap and you’ve got me pinned to a T.

    I love the way to compatibility – must be a man who CAN COOK so he can teach her! LOL Great post, thanks for sharing!

    • Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Kara, thanks for commenting on the actions of this crazy woman. I give credit to Carla for trying. She’s a beginner that tries her best. But if you favor ‘food poisoning’ then this is your big chance to ‘gag’ and ‘puke’. LOL! Please share my post with others.

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