Barbara Really Thinks She Knows Her Stuff.
By Ronald Kennedy
November 23, 2022
In the business world within corporate America, you may find all types of ‘yes men’ and ‘wannabes!’ Liars and straight folks! Sober CEO’s that knows all about marketing in corporate America, will try to succeed and grow at all cost.
(They don’t care who they step on to get ahead.) Others have No business holding down any important title.
Take Ms. Barbara Wannabe for example. She doesn’t live up to her title. She doesn’t know how to run anything but her stockings. But rather it is man or woman, it really doesn’t matter. There are idiots and ass holes in both genders!
Profile Of Barbra Wannabe
VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 26 to 49, Height: 5’3″ to 5’8″, Weight: Digitally Correct.
OCCUPATION – This type of woman will make the claim of being the president of a large computer company (But will fail to tell you she resigned before serving 3 years for wire & mail fraud).
After serving time, she lied on her resume as being part of upper management at Apple, but was soon exposed…(And they threw her out right on her ASSets!)
FAVORITE FOODS – She’s not ashamed to admit to you her love for cold alphabet soup & Microsoft burgers, Spinach casserole with re-called digital lettuce. Also, lets not forget moldy, buttered bread & electric corporate stew.
FAVORITE DRINKS – She’ll invite you over one evening, for a glass of electronic scotch on the rocks. Before bedtime, when all alone, she’ll have several tablespoons of Pepto-Bismol to ease her upset stomach after going over her disastrous balance sheets from the day before.
FAVORITE MUSIC – Barbara loves to snap her fingers, tap her toes and bounce her Big Ass to the old sounds of the Big Band era. She also loves that Electro Techno music (EMD) where she can get totally crazy to 120 and 150 beats per minute.
FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – If you choose her for your mate, be prepared to sit through hours and hours of ’60’ minutes, ‘Meet the Press’ and dangerous stolen car pursuits on the 10pm nightly news.
FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – Be prepared to involve yourselve in exciting games such as digital bid whiz, electronic Monopoly, and Techno karaoke.
She’ll also want you to become interested in her hobby of saving and organizing old unemployment check stubs from ‘back in the day.’
TYPE OF CAR – You’ll be impressed when you see, parked in her driveway, a new Cadillac Escalade (…But quite as its kept, it’s borrow and owned by a friend with a Real Job).
LAST BOOK- “How To Successfully Climb To The Top” by Kissin’ Ass Unlimited.
TURN-ON’S – Any company boasting huge assets, expensive cars and rich folks carrying tons of ‘Dead Presidents’ in their pockets.
TURN-OFF’S – Unsuccessful entrepreneurs, under-privilege neighborhoods and homeless bag ladies always bugging her for a hand-out.
SECRET FANTASY – To design a methane-powered woman’s wrist watch with brightly lightened hands.
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Pisces
PERSONALITY – Bodacious and aggressive and hard-working, she spends what little money she has on adult toys and any other sexual pleasing item.
Keeping abreast of all new technologies rates her high over her peers; and that true entre- perineurial spirit just continue to shine. She’s a typical workaholic and is viewed by outsiders as a serious technocrat.
IDEAL MAN – He must be articulate, good sense of humor, love to have sex between business meetings and appreciates separate vacations.
WHERE TO MEET – You may run into phony types like Barbara at new mobile phone store openings, suburban restaurants, any used car dealership and the drive-thru line at McDonalds.
GOAL – To become famous enough to have her photo printed on a Federal Reserve Note.
RATING – 2.4…. If you’re wondering if there’s any truth in her claim to fortune, then join the club. (Most dudes think she’s a big liar anyway.)
But if your mind is into the money (And who isn’t?) Maybe she does have an ‘Nest Egg’ and doesn’t mind sharing, then this is one time you can put aside Barbara’s short comings and just Go For The GOLD!! (Hell, what have you got to lose).
Want more funny entertainment? Read the profiles of ‘Ned the Nerd,’ Medicated Medicine Woman,’ ‘Urban Cowgirl,’ Dirty Ol’ Doris’ and more!