How To Love A Nerd | Profile of Nerdy Nelson
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Ladies, remember! Nerds Need Loving Too.
So ladies Don’t Be So Cruel. These type of dudes are always searching, scoping out the most beautiful women; only to get their feelings hurt in the long-run. But it would be wrong for me to say they all ‘strike out.’ But they NEVER give up! They will keep on pushing forward until they get the crap beat out of them by some chick’s jealous boyfriend!
So here we go again! Let’s take a look at the world of a typical nerd.
‘ NERDY NELSON ‘
VITAL STATISTICS – Age: 19 to 39, Height: 5’5″ to 6’2″, Weight: Not Much!!
OCCUPATION – You may find this type working at the local movie theater selling popcorn. He may even be your bag boy at the neighborhood supermarket that’s always held a crush on you. (You know the kid that’s always drooling on your items). Then he falls all over himself as he offers to take your things to the car!
FAVORITE FOODS – With him, prepare your taste buds to handle a large helping of junior pepper dogs on half-moldy buns. Oh yeah, and you better get use to his special home-made dish, the ever-popular ‘Banana Chocolate Chip Goulash.’
(While in the kitchen preparing this slop, don’t be surprised if he yells out, “Hey, lollipop lips! I know your dying to try my tasty roasted, honey-dipped frog legs?”)
FAVORITE DRINKS – Warm Kool-Aid (no sugar), dill-pickle juice and strawberry buttermilk shakes, sprinkled with discarded moth wings, will be on the ‘liquor list’ for the evening.
FAVORITE MUSIC – He will sway you with the ‘The Beat Goes On‘ & ‘Red Robin’. (Oldie tunes out before his time.) He’ll also have you listen to endless hours of the ‘Star Trek’ theme song, and ‘Barney Fife’s Greatest Hits.’
And don’t be surprised, if he tries to serenade you. He claims he can be the greatest broadway singer of all.
FAVORITE MOVIES/TV SHOWS – You’ll spend a great evening, settling back and viewing ‘The Simpsons’ reruns. Also you’ll enjoy the movie ‘Revenge of the Nerd’ pts. 1, 2, & 3 and ‘The Adventures of Pee Wee Herman.’ (So sit back & enjoy.)
FAVORITE SPORTS/HOBBIES – During a nice quiet evening while you’re over visiting, he’ll have you helping him organize his stamp collection. If fortunate enough to get invited to a party (Anybody’s party), you’ll assist him in exciting, non-stop action such as the ‘bobbing-for-apples’ event.
TYPE OF CAR – NONE!! A ‘night on the town’ means bar hopping to different pubs or beer joints by bus, train or sore feet!
LAST BOOK- ‘Learn How To Pick Up Girls by Smooth Talkers, Inc.
TURN-ONS – His glasses fog up and he break out with a big grin at the sight of nude statues, porn magazines and used, ‘slimey’ condoms.
TURN-OFFS – 6 ft. 280 lb. weight lifters who pick on nerds, street gang members hanging out in the vestibule of his apartment, and women wrestlers.
SECRET FANTASY – To one day, be able to get a good blow job before turning 40.
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN – Libra
PERSONALITY – As a member of the Mr. Rodgers fan club, he’s a real ‘slacker’ who’ll never accomplish much in life. His friends voted him ‘Chump of the Month,’ and he has more enemies than you can count.
His dry wit and bumbling demeanor makes him a ‘true’ nerd.
IDEAL WOMAN – A nerdette who looks like Woody Allen’s sister.
WHERE TO MEET – These nerdy-types are usually found spending their time, hanging around bus terminals trying to pick up women.
You’ll also find them in the men clothing section where bow ties are sold. Then later in the library.
GOAL – To find a job paying a little over minimum wage and one day, qualify for a Visa card.
RATING: 1.2….He’s no Casanova. He masters dull talk, slow action and can’t get a ‘boner!’ You being a strong woman, he’ll never find out what interest you. (Frankly, he won’t give a shit)! But maybe it’s all for the better! Besides, who wants a serious relationship with someone enjoying and spending most of their time playing in used kitty litter!
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