Why Do Men Not Understand Women | An Ongoing Thought Process

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Understanding Women Can Be A Daunting Task.

As men, we know women can be loving, sweet, and adorable, but sometimes very complex as well! You’ve heard the old say; “Women! You Can’t Live With Them And You Can’t Live Without Them.” This holds very true to form. Men trying to understand women can become a major job!

Then one would think as strong men, who’s capable of loving, sharing, providing, and protecting, are we missing something? Maybe.

But first gentlemen, let’s start with theory and simple principles ! These two are a way to guide your decisions and actions (and you know what guys, they work.)

As with most things in the cycle of life, mating is a complex system, just as understanding how women operate is a complex thing as well. You may start to wonder; “Are we all from the same planet, when it comes down to relationships?” “What are we, as men, really working with?”

To be successful at it, you must understand these theories and principles and then apply them to whatever your choices are and then act upon those actions within the course of your love life span.

My goal to all males is to point out where & how to apply those theories and principles. For now, let’s focus on some questions that men may think about….

Question #1 – Are all women unpredictable or just using their God given smarts?

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Some men take a women’s understanding of them as something ‘good’ for now, but fear it may come apart down the road upon further advancement.how-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Over past years, when you look at how love is spread out among our society, it’s just not enough.

It got that way for one overwhelming reason: none of it is based on an empirical understanding of how people and a person’s mating habits actually work.

Today fellas, you’ll understand a complete different approach, not only based on theory and principles, but on all other factors.

If a particular time is needed to talk about this issue, then make today that time. The study and science of human mating has flourished in the last 25 years or so, with astonishing new theories and findings in fields such as evolutionary psychology, hunter-gatherer anthropology, psycho metrics, behavior genetics, and animal communication.

Today, I can offer deeper insights, more evidence and a more systematic perspective on mating than any culture ever could at any previous point in history.

“As a male, who was considered for years a smooth ‘ladies man’ back in the day, I feel I’m qualified to explain not just what works with women, but why it works.

I can explain not just what kind of traits you should develop to attract the women you have the ‘hots’ for, but how to develop those traits in the most efficient ways possible. As far as the ladies part goes, following the ‘Ten Commandments of Dating’ is a good start.

how-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Man & woman going for walk

Using science and evidence to guide your mating life isn’t just practical; it’s also ethical.

Science respects reality and helps you take responsibility for what you believe, while resisting dogma, superstition, and overconfidence in the process.

But first understand the principle: make decisions about what you believe based on the best scientific, empirical evidence you can find.

Question #2 – Should we consider a women’s perspective?

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Of course we should, since we obviously have a perspective on mating within ourselves. But what so many guys fail to account for is that women have their own perspective, and it is different than ours. You have to understand it and account for it to be successful in mating and long-term relationships.

If you don’t understand women right now, that is no accident.

Women evolved to be more complicated than you can understand, so they could protect themselves from being seduced, manipulated, and exploited.

how-to-find-a-compatible-mate

Couple becoming intimate

Now trying to attract women without understanding that theory and them – who they are, what they want, what they’re attracted to – is like heading out into the wilderness and trying to find your way through without a map or compass.

It will just get you more lost which is exactly the problem most guys face in our society today. (and you know we don’t need to be any more confused than we already are.)

As men, we have to understand women on several ‘key’ positions:

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  • why women evolved to have certain sexual concerns and preferences, given how prehistoric mating worked
  • why women seek good genes in us, good loving partners, and good dads – not necessarily from the same guy
  • why women feel anxious and vulnerable about sexual harassment, stalking, rape, sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s), unwanted pregnancies, and slut-shaming
  • why different women seek different sexual experiences and relationships under different conditions with different guys, from hookups to boyfriends to husbands
  • why women value some key attractive traits in us, such as our overall physical health, mental condition, intelligence, willpower, kindness, and how well we can protect
  • why women value some key proofs in regards to men, when it comes down to such issues as social success, material success, aesthetic style, and romantic commitment
  • where women go to meet men, and how the supply-and-demand dynamics work in those mating markets

All of this boils down to a simple principle: fellas, if you want to try and understand the woman’s perspective – what they want, why they want it, and how to ethically give it to them – then you will find it much easier to become attractive to them, and you’ll be much more successful with your mating efforts.

Question #3 – As sexual active guys, do we think of ourselves as confident hunters & gatherers?

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Maybe you think you got it all together. You probably think women should feel the same way about you as well. But are you really putting your best foot forward?

Women like a well-dressed & groomed man that smells good. Guys shining in confidence and radiating a positive personality all the way through! Is this you?

Keep in mind, women know how to play the game too! To catch the hunter’s eye, they’ll always look their best.

One of the main things I’ll teach you is how to be attractive to women – specifically, how to hone your skills and be aware of the traits women look for in us. I can guarantee that you will find mating success.

Remember, this is just to get you started – for it to work, you must do the work. You didn’t chose which genes you inherited or what family you grew up in.

But from this day forward, you must take personal responsibility for your life, your choices, your habits, your traits, your mate value and your attractiveness to women.

Nobody else can do this work for you! Taking  responsibility for your personal growth and social attractiveness is one of the core principles.

The downside of taking responsibility for your attractiveness is that becoming a better ‘man-of-the-world’ will take an enormous amount of work and determination.

The upside is that taking charge of your attractiveness will help you have great experiences and relationships with great women that yield benefits in every domain of life, health, money, happiness, altruism, and self-actualization.

This is because the ‘better boyfriend’ ideal overlaps a lot with the ideals of manhood that most men aspire to. If you make yourself highly attractive to women, an amazing life tends to be a natural byproduct.

For men, at least, sexual self-improvement is the road to a better overall life.

Question #4 – Can we be honest with ourselves, and most importantly with others?

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“Honesty is the bedrock of self-improvement and mating success.”

If you try to fool yourself about what you really want, you’ll never form the type of life you want and implement the actions necessary to get it.

There are plenty of women out there who want the kind of sexual experience or relationship that you want; you just have to find them. But you can’t find them if you’re not honest – with them or yourself.

Honesty builds your social status, which improves mating success over the long term. Most women expect that most men are lying most of the time, and they hate it.

In a world of liars, seducers, and charlatans, the man who stands up and tells the truth about the world, about himself, and about what he really wants is very rare and very attractive.

There is a reason most women list honesty as one of their most – desired traits.

Hey guys, I’m not trying to tell you that honesty is the only thing that works. Of course there are ways you can lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate your way into success.

A lot of them, in fact. And we know most or all of those methods very well (learning what works often involves trying things that don’t).

I would never endorse or teach these methods to the single guys out here because they will actually hurt you in two ways:

  1. Lying reduces your long-term mating success: Once a woman sees you as a liar, there is no coming back from that. She will almost certainly tell her friends about you, and when she does you become a pariah.
  2. Of course, you can find other women to exploit and lie to, but is a very difficult path to long-term mating success. It is far easier to have long-term social relationships based on trust than to lie through your teeth and have to make new relationships over and over again.
  3. Lying makes you feel like shit, and it hurts your life: The only people who can lie without emotional consequences are sociopaths. For everyone else, there are real psychological harms that come with deception. The evidence is very clear that perpetual liars have less career success, less mating success, less satisfaction in their relationships, and even shorter lives.

So if you really want to learn how to lie, cheat, and manipulate women, then you’re on the wrong dating website. Go search else where! I’m not moralizing or telling you to be honest for any reason other than this one: “An honest, ethical approach to mating (and life) works the best in the long term.”

Question #5 – Do we, as men, want to achieve a ‘win-win situation?’ 

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Some folks in society hold the cynical view that sexual relationships are a zero-sum game, meaning one person’s gain is the other person’s loss. This view says that in a one-night stand, the man is the seducer and the woman gets seduced, he “wins” and she “loses.”

In a relationship, If a man and a woman argue, one must win and the other must lose. In sexual politics, feminism’s gain is patriarchy’s loss. This zero-sum way of thinking assumes a perpetual “battle of the sexes,” and sadly, it is common in both gender feminism and the manosphere.

This “battle of the sexes” view is totally and completely wrong.

It is counterproductive, counter-intuitive, and counter to thousands of generations of evolution. That is why we endorse the opposite principle.

“Gentlemen, your mating goal is to find and create ‘win-win’ relationships, where both you and the woman are better off because of your interactions.”

So dudes, what do you think? Is your love life Rockin’ or Rocky? It’ll be nice to hear from the ladies on this as well.

So what do you think? Did you enjoy this article? If so, please share it on your social media platforms.

AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE

When you buy something from this website, I may receive an affiliate commission.
These are my opinions and are not representative of the companies that create these products.
My reviews are based on my personal experience and research. I never recommend poor quality products, or create false reviews to make sales.
It is my intention to explain products so you can make an informed decisions on which ones suit your needs best.

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About Ronald Kennedy

A relationship expert handling any issue, I say "no problem is too Big or small." (My door is always open)! Also I'm a comedy writer, (Wrote a book entitled, "How To Select a Compatible Mate.") A cartoonist and oil painter who studied at the Art institute of Chicago in 1980, I decided to take a different career path. In 1997, Harold Washington College was in view. I majored in Hearing Loss in America. A Graduate of Malcolm X College in 2000 with an associate's degree in applied science.and funeral directing (....that last idea fell dead! No pun intended.) I've been working successfully online since 2004 and enjoyed helping others succeed along the way!
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22 Responses to Why Do Men Not Understand Women | An Ongoing Thought Process

  1. isaac says:

    Hi Ronald. A very nice post here. I really like when you say that lying is not the way for long term relationship to prosper.

    I believe in any kind of relationship, there should be trust for both parties, then there will be less arguing and jealousy.

    Keep up the good work buddy. I’ll surely visit your site in future for more gems =)

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Thanks Isaac for checking in. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Honesty goes a long way in all relationship. That’s why you see most relationships doomed, before it even gets off the ground. Then, later wonder what went wrong (as if they don’t already know).

      The trust issue should be right up there on top of the list. This is the cornerstone which builds a rock-solid foundation. Then comes honesty, which is cemented into that foundation. Now you have the two basic ingredients on building a good, and long lasting relationship. A ‘house of hearts’ that would sustain all life elements.

      Thanks again Isaac, for stopping by. Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns.

  2. Mark Lerul says:

    Hey Kennedy! Amazing write up here. You know I lost my respect for relationships about 2 years ago. You see, I was this super nice guy who gave my all in the relationships I got into. I will love my girlfriend so badly that I would give up anything, I will make sure I stay close to her and check in her as much as possible as girls just love some attention.. I will give her space and you know what I get in return?, a BREAKUP. To be very honest with you, some women can be selfish you know. And that’s why I haven’t ever bothered about looking at women in a good way anymore. They walk into your life, put their expectations and values so high if you don’t meet them , they move on claiming to be heartbroken. I mean some women. Most women are good. But some, pfft! Just a mess. All what you write is true, but trust me, I don’t really find value in this stuff anymore. It may encourage other people but for now, I think I just need some serious counseling .

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Thanks for commenting, Mark. Yes, women are strange creatures. I know you speak for thousands of guys, not only in your home state, but around the world. Like you say; they’ll build you up, then just tear you down. I believe you when you said you’ve done everything right, but still things went wrong. But it sounds like there may have been some other underlining issues that could have caused the breakup.

      Some time the ‘space’ you give a person, maybe in your mind seem like a lot, when in reality it’s not. Was there a break down in communication? Sounds like she already had someone ‘waiting in the wings’ while still with you and couldn’t wait for the smallest thing to occur to trigger a breakup. Some women are just ‘high maintenance’.

      But don’t give up Mark. You sound like a good guy and I strongly believe there’s ‘someone for everybody’. I can point you in the right direction. I’ve helped others before, and can help you too. Mark, I’m providing you with a link that can help see you through. You mentioned counseling. This is it! Nothing costly. Just follow the information. It’s called: “The confident Man Project” It’s been successfully used before. It’ll change your entire life around. Mark, thanks again for checking in. If you have any other questions or concerns, let me know.

  3. JT says:

    Hey Ronald,
    very entertaining post, full of gems!
    I was all about “losing” and “winning” in a relationship, until I one day woke up and realised that for all my “victories” I had no meaningful romantic relationships at all.
    It took quite a while to change my perspective on this (most of my buds were into the whole one night stand routine at the time), but I never felt better once I finally broke the pattern.
    And I agree 100%, only with an honest win-win attitude you can have a lasting, fulfilling relationship with your girl. And like you say, as soon as you drop that “battle of the sexes” nonsense in the trash can, the better!
    Keep up the good posts,
    JT

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi JT. Thanks for commenting. It seems all relationships tend to have that ‘give & take’ thing going on. Some guys feel a woman wants and takes too much, making the man feel inadequate and not fulfilling his obligations. Then there’s those other guys who think, depending on the status of the relationship, they are giving more than enough, but getting less in return from their lover or partner.

      A clear balance with ground rules must be established and put into place in order for a relationship to survive. One must try to capture a better understanding of each others feelings and emotions. If that’s not established, then it’s on to ‘bed hoping’ to fulfill the void.

      Thanks again for checking in JT. Let me know if I could assist you with anything else.

  4. shrey says:

    I have been in a relationship and it really hurts when the guy lies. I can definitely tell you that when you later realize that most of the time you have been lied to, it becomes really difficult to trust the person.

    The sad part is even when they get caught they tend to deny the truth. That really brings down any relationship and it did to mine as well. This post is really relatable and it completely makes sense.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Shrey and thank you for commenting. I hear many complaints from women on how constant lying killed what otherwise would be described as a very decent and loving relationship. But one bad apple shouldn’t spoil the whole bunch! There are plenty of good guys out there who do not make it a habit of lying. (I’m one of them).

      i can’t speak for all guys out there on the dating scene, but most I feel are pretty cool. I do agree with you Shrey, that when some dudes get backed into a corner, they will try and justify their moves; their reason for saying what they said. Not a great decision. It’s better off not to lie in the first place. A sure way to keep the peace and the relationship intact.

      Thanks again Shrey for checking in. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.

  5. Dom says:

    I couldn’t agree more that romantic relationships should be more of an equal partnership rather than something built on one side always having to compromise rather than both parties reaching a mutual understanding of what it means to actually ‘be together’ as a unit.

    We’re all guilty of not always following through on that but the harder we try and the closer we get to reaching that understanding, the healthier the relationship will be.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Dom, thanks for dropping by and commenting. Compromising and understanding is ‘key’ in regards to keeping any good relationship together and moving forward. The minds may think one way and want to do right by each other, but actions speak ‘volume.’ The ‘being equal stuff’ goes out the window!

      Women are ‘fickle’ creatures of nature and can’t always be figured out. As men, we try our best to do so, but one wrong move or word from us, we’ll catch hell. Our actions will always surely land us in the ‘dog house.’  Dom, take a look at  

      But all relationships aren’t bad. I feel the majority of most couples work hard to jell as a unit and make it all work. Like you stated, having a healthy relationship, which includes honesty and trust, will make it all work.

      Thanks again my friend for stopping by. Share my article on social media. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns,

       

  6. Tanya says:

    When clicking on the page you asked for a review of, I got “Hi there. You seem to be lost.” Those statements also appeared on other pages as well. You definitely, as you say, take a light-hearted approach to the relationship scene but offer some good tips to men who are searching for good relationships, as defined by them. I would have preferred seeing more information on actual companionship and less emphasis on sex, but what do I know? I do know that doing things together and separately in any relationship should be encouraged, as should developing healthy communication and respect of partners. Developing friendships with other couples is also a plus in the nourishment of a couple relationship, as it allows the couple to be viewed through the eyes of others and prevents the couple from becoming isolated.

    A few more images of what healthy couples and families do, including working, vacations, attending the theater or sporting events together and attending family-oriented events, would be especially helpful for illustrating compatibility.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Tanya and thank you for checking in with me and commenting. Thanks for pointing out that ‘lost page’ issue to me. I thought I had fixed that issue(but apparently I didn’t). I even check my ‘preview’ page BEFORE sending it out. It showed correctly on the screen. This I have to find out why?? (very strange).

      Well, anyway, I’m glad you got to view enough pages (even if from my other articles) to give an opinion. Men and women are always out seeking true love. Some seek, but don’t really know what they’re seeking. ‘Seek and You Shall Find’ is a biblical statement, true to the Bible, but doesn’t apply to the dating world.

      You mentioned that more focus (in regards to relationships), should have been placed more on companionship than sexual actions is a thought. But Tanya, what it really all boils down to is this: where the couple’s head is at and the individuals involved. Some put sex first,and everything else second. We live in a sexually- orientated society. (Look at all the tv commercials shown). Bottom line: sex sells!

      I do agree with you when you touched on communication and respect among couples, and lets not forget plain old honesty. Also, as you mentioned, interacting with other couples is a good thing. Mingling is healthy and that for sure, would avoid any type of depression or isolation.

      Tanya, I really want to thank you for stopping by and voicing your opinion. Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns. 

  7. Dave says:

    Hey there,

    I am completely with you on listening to the ideas of women and understanding them. Most men, including myself, feel like we should be making the opinions and decisions while women listen and follow our lead.

    However, I realized that it is very important to take time and listen to a different opinion, as this helps you see things from a different angle which may be better than you think.

    I learned this by experience.

    Please guys, don’t desire to do it this way too.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Dave. It’s good to know we’re on the same page in regards to respecting women’s thoughts and feelings. This is also one way at keeping the peace within the home. Most guys like to do everything on their own, and not include their woman. I figure what the hell you’re with her for if she’s not included in your decisions?

  8. Christina Bohannon says:

    First, I love the picture of the skeletons drinking beer, that’s hilarious. Second, I am a woman and I don’t even understand myself sometimes. You mentioned how lying can negativly affect your relationships and I agree with that 100%! I found the Ten Commandments of dating interesting as well. You had a lot of interesting points and facts.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Christina. Glad you liked my buddies enjoying ‘happy hour.’LOL. You women are amazing, yet peculiar creatures of the human species. Trust me, I love you all. But no two people are alike. Sometimes you ladies have us guys walking around on eggshells, (..then get mad if we break one!)LOL. I always have felt honesty is ‘the glue’ that holds relationships together. It’s so sad though, not enough of ‘that glue’ is being used.

  9. Philebur says:

    Hi Ronald, I must commend you for this amazing article. I agree with you when you said as men we have to understand women on several “key” positions. I was once in a relationship where we both used every chance we had in quarreling simply because we couldn’t understand ourselves. So I think understanding  is one major factor to consider when choosing a soul mate. Also, attention is another major factor because that’s what women want in a relationship.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      My friend Philebur. Thank you for your compliment. Sometime I feel as men we must walk around on ‘thin ice.’One wrong move and the bottom falls through. We say or do the wrong thing, granted nothing intentional, then the ‘fireworks’ erupts! This comes from a lack of understanding one another and not communicating enough. Once a better path at establishing good communication among couples is in place, the better the relationship will grow. Please share my post with others.

  10. wilson kume says:

    What a nice post we have here, wow! Understanding the “woman” has been difficult for quite some time now for me. But whilst reading I came to understand that at first we need to have an empirical understanding of how people and a person’s mating habits actually work. And also. if you know what a woman wants, why they want it, and how to ethically give it to them, then you will notice that you won’t just be attractive to them; but also more successful with your mating partner.. Again thanks for helping a brother, keep up the good work.

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Hi Wilson. Thank you for checking in with me. This article hopefully will help many dudes out there with a deeper understanding of the female species; the way they act and think in situations. It appears men always get the ‘short end of the stick’ in regards to understanding their position during life circumstances. Women feel they’re never fully understood, which in turn makes the man feel inadequate. As though they’re missing something. Time, along with some serious adjustments usually, oer time, make things better. Please share my post with others.

  11. Jonathon Howard says:

    This is very true I do think a lot of people in life miss the signs that are right in front of them and there are some harsh realities in relationships that do exist when it comes to not being honest it’s not good to lie in any aspect of a relationship and 2 wrongs don’t make a right if you lie today about one thing your gonna lie again tomorrow to keep the lie covered and that is un healthy for any relationship because when you’re 100% honest to your self and to the person your in a relationship it realy helps you develop a deeper connection with that person one other thing I’d like to point out that’s a little off subject but it reminded me of a discussion I had with a friend of mine the other day when you said battle of the sexes and now days you see the women vs men type of thing going on a lot with tons of controversy surrounding that topic I believe in equal rights for all men women reguardless of ethnicity or religion but you’ve got so many media outlets keeping it going it’s always a conflict with 2 different types of people everyone’s always choosing one side or another but think about this for just a min what’s the reason all of this conflict between men and women and we have the race issues to those are very sensitive subjects that are always being fueled in our everyday lives and that causes all of us to be separated off into groups that are picking a side of the fence to be on there’s a big reason for all that most people never think about and that reason is there’s some sort of influencing and brain washing going on to keep everyone distant so we don’t all come together because we as people are much easier to control if nobody sees eye to eye and if you look at these different things going on such as men vs women the issues with race and religion and sexuality There’s not realy any unity at all in today’s society that’s everyone having issues with everyone no one coming together and if nobody is united it’s very easy to control what people do because we are not strong this person doesn’t like this person so we never are realy empowered as people the influence behind this all is ??? I think we all know it’s the ones who make our descisions for us and govern society and keep them  separated off in groups think about it this way it’s much easier to control six people if 3 of each of the 6 don’t like each other I just wanted to get that out there I know a big part off this is off subject but I do believe everyone should realy read this and think about it you can’t deny that the facts add up I think also that we would all have a better understand of life in today’s society if we realy thought about this great article though great points you made have a wonderful day keep up the great work-Jonathon 

    • Ronald Kennedy says:

      Yes Jonathon, You touched on some key things in your reply. When you mentioned being 100% honest with yourself, this can lead to a better understanding to building strength between you and your spouse or live in partner. In all relationships, it’s a ‘two-way street.’ Regardless of what path you take, y’all must be on the same accord to travel that path together. Everyone is different in how they think and how they think things in life supposed to go. But in a serious relationship, compromising and understanding are two developmental factors that anchors down any moves or actions that would otherwise, spiral out of control.  

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