|LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS|
|12 Lessons For Loving LESSON #4 Providing is ‘Key’ Ready to get practical about choosing a partner? If so, the experts suggest you look for answers to three major questions for your due diligence process. Remember, you’ve established that the in-love feeling is already there. These questions can help you determine whether to act on that feeling: Question 1: Will Your Partner Be a Good Provider? “A good provider.” Although this phrase may seem a bit old-fashioned, as I listened to the experts, I came to respect it as an invaluable guide to evaluating a prospective partner. The ability to make a living is highly relevant today. The ability to make a living is highly relevant today. Most couples in our society need two incomes to achieve their financial goals. Therefore, men and women, alike need to ask the question: “Will the person I’m in love with be economically viable?” As it has been forever, marriage is an economic institution in which most people pool their finances. Your economic success and standard of living will be connected inextricably to that of another person. Therefore, you need to ascertain: Will my partner be a good provider? For this reason, the experts exhort you to look for a “hard worker.” They believe it’s key for you to marry someone with a strong work ethic, who takes his or her career seriously, and is committed to career success (as he or she defines it). Conversely, the experts pointed out the lifelong difficulties you might encounter with a partner who has weak (or no) career goals, is uninterested in getting ahead, or simply has a distaste for hard work. Question 2: Is He or She Financially Responsible? Although important, being a good provider and earning a decent income isn’t everything. Another item to examine is your partner’s ability to handle money. And this is something you can observe closely while dating. The experts believe that conscientious money management is highly diagnostic for the relationship’s future. In addition to a willingness to work hard and get ahead, they recommend that you asses your partner’s sense of financial responsibility. |
Money may not be the ‘root of all evil,’ but it certainly is the root cause of a lot of marital dissatisfaction. The experts remind us that marriage means that you will be financially dependent on each other. If you are like most couples, you will merge your bank accounts and make major financial decisions jointly. Further, in marriage you will become responsible for each other’s debts. In a nutshell, you will be truly wedded to your partner’s financial attitudes and behaviors, which will affect your life as much as his or hers. If the behaviors are risky or reckless, the experts want you to think carefully about committing. Question 3: Will He or She Be a Good Person? When people are in the early stages of a relationship, parenthood seems remote and is not likely to come up for intensive discussion. Raising that topic can be threatening; it implies a level of seriousness that can make one or both partners say, “Don’t go there.”
However, before you make a serious commitment to another person, the experts argue that you should do your best to evaluate your partner not only as a lover and companion, but as a future parent. The place to start may be obvious: Does your partner actually want to have children? The experts say this issue is far from obvious. It needs to be carefully discussed, because it is one on which partners make assumptions like this: “Of course, he/she wants to have a family, who doesn’t?” But as Karla Burnett, seventy-six, points out; couples should suggest discussing the number of children you would like to have: It’s important you have the same general philosophies about wanting children or not wanting children. You need to know about details: you know, If you want a big family, if you want a small family. The conversation between parties should be, (Her) “I’d like to have three, how about you?” And he says, “Well, maybe two or whatever.” This can help you decide.