How To Solve Relationship Problems | Honesty The Best Policy

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BEING HONEST IS A GOOD START

When taking into consideration that the number one problematic issue between most couples is honesty, then one must think why is this? Is the grass always greener on the other side? Does curiosity, along with lustful eyeballs, just get the best of a person?

I believe that honesty isn’t just a fundamental respect for the truth. It’s also a day-to-day expression of that respect. Your honesty – or lack of honesty – creates the context for how you respond to the world and interact with people in it.

Maybe you are just one of those who think you know all about relationships and when to be, or not to be honest.

How-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Young couple in love

If you believe that honesty is a noble ideal to strive for but you ignore, bend, or violate the truth, you’ll damage your relationships with other.

In particular, you’ll damage the interactions that’s most central to your life – the connection with your spouse.

I’ve ran across many couples with honesty problems. Sometimes the problems are relatively minor, such as a tendency to fib over small matters (forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning, claiming to be stuck in traffic, when you know damn well; you wasn’t).

Sometimes the problems are severe, such as committing adultery. In these, and many instances that fall between the two extremes, husbands and wives wrestle with how to be honest and stay honest with each other.

Dealing with honesty is, in fact, one of the ongoing issues that all couples face. I see couples facing two basic kinds of honesty problems. One is keeping honesty strong within a marriage.

The other is dealing with specific honesty problems that develop because of jealousy, greed, and infidelity.

Here are some ways to solve each of these problems and how you can strengthen your overall honesty as a couple…

 

PRACTICE OPENNESS

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Even if you’re honest on a day-to-day basis, I believe that it’s important to practice maintaining a fundamental openness to your spouse or partner. What I’m calling “openness” goes beyond the specific facts of what you say.

Openness is the quality of having an open mind and an open heart. If you’re open in this sense, you are available to your spouse – ready to hear about his or her worries, troubles, and hurts, as well as his or her interest, enthusiasms, and delights.

You’re willing to make your spouse’s concerns your own. You’re ready to cherish your husband or wife despite his or her imperfections and limitations. Or maybe even some form of suffering.

Openness of these sorts is a type of honesty because it honors what matters most: the love and warmth you share with this other person.

Here are some suggestions regarding practicing openness:

Stay mindful of each other. It’s easy for spouses to lose track of each other as the center of each other’s lives. All the daily tasks and obligations tend to blur the vividness of the other person you love – to diminish the intensity of what you feel.

If you can stay aware of each other, though, you’ve already done half the task of practicing openness.

How-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Our wedding day

Set aside time together. Creating a brief “haven” for just the two of you will help you honor and focus on each other.

What I’m suggesting can be simply a quiet time together – a walk in the park, a brief interval in the backyard, or twenty minutes of sharing coffee at the kitchen table.

No matter what the setting, time together gives each partner a chance to hear what’s on the other’s mind.

Share your feelings, dreams, concerns, or needs. Raise issues you’ve had no time to discuss. Tell each other thank you for all you’re doing for each other and your family.

Express disagreements openly rather than in veiled ways. All couples experience conflicts. All couples have differences of opinion. All couples must cope with frustrations, miscues, and misunderstandings.

Something that makes a major differences in couples’ success or failure is whether they can address the issues honestly rather than through roundabout, veiled, or sneaky ways.

I’m not talking now about “telling the truth” versus “telling a lie.” What i’m referring to is the tendency of some spouses to face issues directly, while others can’t even look each other in the eye about even the most minor matters.

Resorting to sarcasm, hidden threats, or “subliminal advertising” aren’t good ways to solve problems together.

It’s more productive to put your cards on the table, sort out whatever concerns you, and stay open to possible solutions.

Learn new forms of openness. Perhaps you like the idea of openness, but you’re not sure exactly how to achieve it. Fair enough. Marriage involves lifelong, so there’s no reason for you to know everything from the start.

But you can acquire skills in a marriage just as in any other realm of life. Part of that openness is precisely this willingness to learn. Learn from whom?

Well, any number of therapists, pastoral counselors, and marriage workshop leaders can help guide you toward new insights and skills.

ERADICATE LITTLE WHITE LIES

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You’re late getting home because you stopped at a store to buy some clothes on sale – but you call your husband and say you’re stuck in traffic.

Or you forgot to buy some ingredients for dinner, but you tell your wife the store was out of stock.

It’s so easy to tell little white lies! No harm done, right? Well, I’m not sure. Maybe these lies aren’t so terrible one by one, but they’re harmful – a slippery slope that can do other  kinds of damage in the long run.

Even small lies chip away at the fundamental honesty that should be central within a relationship.

If you decide you’ll eradicate little white lies, what’s the best way to do so? My recommendations:

Be consistent. If you can avoid lying at all, you avoid the slippery slope altogether. Consistency will help you avoid the temptation to lie a little here, a little there, until the situation gets out of control.

how-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Couple relaxing

You may not make your marriage a ” lie-free zone” overnight, but striving for consistent honesty is a crucial goal.

Work together. Sometimes a couple makes a silent pact to play loose with the truth.

“If he (or she) can fib,” one spouse may decide, “then I have a right to lie, too.” Fair enough?

Not really – because making lying an equal-opportunity habit just makes things worse.

A better idea: work together to be honest. Make a commitment that you’ll both tell the truth.

Be supportive as you strive for honesty. Oddly, it’s tempting to punish your spouse for telling the truth. Let’s say that a husband admits that the store wasn’t really out of those ingredients – he just forgot to go shopping.

If his wife berates or belittle him (“I knew it! You can’t remember shit! You never do what I ask you to!”),  he’s less likely to be honest in the future. Lying will save him the trouble of getting scolded.

If you’re supportive of each other, through, you’re more likely to encourage future honesty. However, note that both parents have to commit themselves to accepting these admissions.

You can’t use them to start a battle (“You’re always late,” “You’re so irresponsible,” and so forth).

Bottom line: Be cool and understanding with one another. Discuss each other’s shortcomings, instill a dose of humor into the relationship (laughter is the best medicine) and NEVER go to bed angry with your spouse. (you’ll be surprised at how far you’ll go).

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comments

L7

What a completely enjoyable experience!
One of the hardest things to do is to broach a serious topic, like adult relationships, and give it a humorous touch that makes the information resonate with us even more.
Your 17 rules for staying on her good side really hit home and resonated with me because I was able to recall my own past situations while stepping back and laughing at myself.
I couldn’t find a “standard” menu yet kept looking for an ABOUT page, again and again. I wonder does your savvy content come from life-experience or from a professional background.
Great content here … and very entertaining!

07/29/2017 | 6:25 pm
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Hi L7 thanks for checking in and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed reading my article. Thank you! Most of the time, If you follow along with any of my past writings, you’ll see I always incorporate humor into my work. I’m a comedy writer and artist ‘at heart’. This is what makes things, as I create, enjoyable to read.

    I would sit at my pc, a lot of times laughing to myself as I type. (Don’t wanna laugh to hard out loud. Being here by myself my neighbors would think I’m ‘cracking up’. LOL.

    I know the 17 rules touch home with most guys. (women will have use walking on ‘eggshells’). A lot of guys will see themselves within those rules, either through past or current relationships. Women will hold us to these standards. We will get no slack. If we screw up, then we are headed for the ‘dog house’. 

    As far as my content goes, I guess you can say it comes from a little of both. I was married for 37 years, and found myself in the ‘doghouse’ quite a few times. And as I mentioned before, I’m a writer/cartoonist and have been doing this for a number of years. I also created a humor dating book entitled; “How to Select a Compatible Mate”. (My About Page is coming) You can view a sample of my work by clicking hereThanks again L7 for stopping by. Let me know if I can assist you with anything else.

    07/31/2017 | 1:53 pm
    Reply

Hailey

Hey

Thanks for such an informative read!
I can not disagree with you on anything even if I tried!
Relationships, whether intimate or a working relationship, can not work unless there is trust, honesty, and openness!
My partner is sometimes too honest for his own good lol but that is why I am with him! We have only been talking recently about how we can talk about anything no matter what it is and I think that is why we are so strong!
I have friends that talk to me about things going on in their relationship and I always think why aren’t they just saying this to their partner?
Thanks again for the awesome read!
regards
Hailey

08/16/2017 | 6:18 am
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Hi Hailey, thank you for commenting. I’m glad you saw some value in my article. I try to be as informative and as detailed as I could be. I want to bring what I feel is the ‘truth’ to my readers. It’s up to them to take heed in what I say to make a relationship work.

    A lot of couples don’t open up to each others out of fear it may alter the status of their relationship. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” is what one party may think. (If anything it could make things worst)! If there are issues, couples must come together and address those issues.

    Sounds like you and your partner are on the right path. You mentioned him being ‘too honest.’ You have to admit that’s a good thing, right Hailey? (You’ll always expect the truth from his angle). But remember, honesty works both ways. As you stated, your relationship is like ‘Super Glue’. Congrats to you.

    I agree with you Hailey on what you said regarding your friends. Tell them DON’T talk to you, talk to Your Partner or Spouse. That make more sense to me. What even makes more sense Hailey, and this is where you can do your part; and that’s to just send them this article. Share it on your social media page with them. Let me know how it goes.

    Again, thank you my friend for checking in. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

    08/16/2017 | 1:47 pm
    Reply

Chris

This is a really thought out post and there is not a lot of people talking about relationships I feel from the womans perspective, which I think is important. Men face lots of problems with relationships but I see more dissatisfied women. Could just be me. Id love to do a collaboration some time. I recently did a YT post on this kinda field. Dunno if you’re interested. Thanks again!

08/22/2017 | 1:33 pm
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Hi Chris, sorry for the late response. Got wrapped up in stuff! I appreciate you reading my article and commenting. I’ve always said for any relationship to survive over the years, they must be honest and ‘real’ with each other. If one party puts on a ‘phony face’ figuring this misguided episode will hold up and fool the other, throughout the relationship, is wrong.

    Couples need each other’s honesty to make it all work! Good, strong, solid relationships is something that’s lacking in our society today. I agree with you when you say ‘men deal with a lot of things’ regarding relationships. 

    I feel most guys take a bad hit. Their woman won’t give them any slack! (I admit most dudes stay in trouble with their ladies). Chris, see (Let me know what you think. If some of the things listed, ‘hits home’ or not).

    As far as writing in collaboration, I never thought about it because I usually write and post alone. (….but never say never).lol. Chris, send me the link to your YT post. Love to view it.

    Again, thank you Chris for checking in. Keep in touch and let me know if I can help you with anything else.

    08/24/2017 | 11:33 pm
    Reply

Eric Chen

Hello Rjkennedy,

Thanks for sharing your content. I was just arguing with my girlfriend and needed a bit of advice. I was googling what to do and that’s when I stumbled onto your website.

Your content is very clear and really helped me to resolve my issues.

I will most definitely recommend your site to my friends who are also going through similar problems.

Thanks again,
Eric

10/24/2017 | 11:55 pm
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Hi Eric how are you? Thank you for dropping by to voice your comment. I’m very glad I was able to help you out regarding your issue. Arguments do take place among couples, and that’s just the way things go in relationships. But the number one thing is resolving them as a couple. You never wanna go to bed angry with each other.

    You didn’t say if ya’ll live together, but if you do, it’s something to keep in mind. I’m happy that my writing was clean and easy to read. I try keeping things that way, so my readers will get a good understanding of the content.

    Also, thank you Eric for passing my site along to others who you feel it my help. Really appreciate it.

    Eric, could you do me a special favor? When you were googling, saw my title page and clicked on my link, did a ‘blank’ page pop up first that said; “Hi there. You seem to be lost.”  Then you had to scroll down to see the actual page?  If this happened, could you please get back to me here, or email me at /a>

    I’ve been having this problem lately, and was working on fixing it. Just wanted to see if it was fixed. Thank you again Eric for stopping by and hope to hear back from you.

    10/25/2017 | 12:50 am
    Reply

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