How To Manage Your Relationship | Guide For Those With Active Conflicts

How To Manage Your Relationship | Guide For Those With Active Conflicts Image

How To Manage Your Relationship | Guide For Those With Active Conflicts

How-to-select-a-compatible-mate

A Good Managed Relationship Can Run Like A Smooth Train.

…..As Long As Both Parties Are Chugging Down The Same Track!

If you want your relationship to be different, then you have to be different from Day ONE! if the set up is always the same, despite your best intentions what follows will be the same. Change is necessary because if you act the way you have always acted and send the signals you have always sent, the odds are your relationships will always be the same.

The Beginning – The Set Up For A Let Down

As the active partner you will actively choreograph the “pursuit portion” of your relationships. This means you construct the setup, and you select the “operating system” from which all future “programs” in this relationship will run.

You determine the intensity, you chose the style, and you set the pace. Typically you set it up so that you will have control and power. Regardless of how good your intentions are, the potential to abuse this power is enormous.

In the beginning your goal is seduction, be it emotional or physical, and everything you say and do is a means of accomplishing that goal. Typically you place emphasis on information that will get a positive response and withhold or downplay information that might serve as a warning. (Also see, saving your relationship).

You want to be with this new person, and you aren’t considering any ambivalence that might follow. In addition your seduction will be fueled by your fantasies; all of your hopes and dreams are going to be expressed through your words and your action – with no thought to the expectations these may provoke.

Given these feelings, how can you act responsibly? How can you be certain to attend to both sides of your conflict in a way that is fair to both your new partner and yourself? I urge you to follow these guidelines:

Don’t Rush In

You know that when you get yourself in too deep fast, this level of involvement makes you panic when the fantasy lifts. You have to keep reminding yourself of how badly you react when relationships start to get real. You also need to think more about how your behavior is making the other person feel.

Your breakneck pace sets up a whirlwind. If it doesn’t scare your love interest away, it’s so compelling, it can only provide the basis for an enormous fall. Remember, there’s one very simple way out of this: SLOW DOWN. Take your time. Let the intimacy develop gradually. Think before you leap. Avoid breakneck courtships and start evaluating a relationship step by step as it’s developing.

Don’t Give Partners Unrealistic Expectations

You have to understand the weight of your words. Phrases such as “I’ve never met anyone

how-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Hopeful Couple Wondering If They Have A Future

like you before,” “I’m never this attracted to anyone,” and “I can’t wait for you to meet my sister – the two of you will really get along,” are incredibly seductive.

They evoke a feeling of specialness that encourages your partner to have high expectations as well as placing heavy pressure on you to come through with a commitment.

Sure, romance is fun. But to many people romance means love, and love mean marriage. Watch your words. If you use words that convey caring and the promise of a future, the other person may respond accordingly.

Certain phrases can cause even a first date’s attitude toward you to change totally – sometimes from casual to “overboard” in a single evening.

Don’t Misrepresent Your Romantic History Or Your Romantic Attitude

Don’t make it sound as though your previous relationships ended because your ex-partners were somehow lacking. It’s important that you accept responsibility for your participation and learn as much as you can from it.

Blaming your execs can also deceive your new partner, Someone who likes you is going to want to accept what you say at face value. If you tell someone, “Your different,” he/she wants to believe you.

If you say, “I want this relationship to be different,” or, “I think this relationship can be different,” he/she wants to share that hope.

Don’t convey attitudes without thinking about what you are saying. For example, if you mean “We don’t know each other well enough to have sex, “don’t say, “I would never go to bed with anyone unless I was certain the relationship is going to work out.”

Otherwise the moment you go to bed, your partner is going to assume it means a long-term commitment. Keep in mind that at this stage you have no idea how the relationship will work out. You may want it to be different, but wanting is not enough. Until you are totally sure, avoid implying anything that can confuse your partner about your past or your intentions for the present – or the future.

Don’t Knock Yourself Out Trying To Impress A Potential Partner

When you pull out all the stops to make an impression, your actions are saying, “This relationship is very important to me; I want to make it work.” That may be true right now, but how will you feel in six weeks or six months? Today you are overwhelmingly interested; tomorrow you may just feel overwhelmed.

Everyone has a different method of impressing dates.What are yours? Do you share the most intimate details of your life right away? If you do, your partner can’t help but think you are already clear about your intentions for developing a very sharing and exclusive relationship.

Do you spend excessively on restaurants, gifts, or trips? Do you cook wonderful meals or bring elegant gifts? All of this makes it appear that you’re taking the relationship very seriously, and it puts a lot of pressure on you to keep delivering.

The reality is that you can’t possibly be ready for something this serious this soon. Your behavior needs to reflect this fact. If you have a history of eventually being haunted by everything you gave in the beginning, it’s time to become comfortable with giving less.

No one, who’s interested in you,is going to walk away because you didn’t tell them your deepest, darkest secrets during your first phone call or take them to Paris on your first date.

Don’t Mess With Someone’s Kid; Don’t Mess With Someone’s Life

What most impresses a struggling single parent? Someone who cares about the kids. It

how-to-select-a-compatible-mate

Single Mom With Her Daughter

shows that you are sensitive, caring, and well intentioned. So you try to include them in your plans. Bring them along. Bring them gifts. Why not? You probably like them – you’re not faking it. It seems harmless enough. But it’s not.

Getting someone’s children involved in the courtship is a powerful sales technique, but it isn’t fair to the kids and isn’t fair to the parent. Involving children suggests that you must be thinking long-term. The kids start to count on you. But you’re not ready to think long-term.

Right now, you need to be working on this relationship one day at a time. Besides, you know how this kind of pressure makes you feel: trapped. If you’re not absolutely certain that you will be there for these kids way down the road, this level of involvement is totally inappropriate right now.

You’re NOT a parent or step parent and you’re not their best friend. Later perhaps. But not now. What these children need is someone who is sensitive to their emotional needs and boundaries. This means you need to keep your distance!

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Author | Ronald Kennedy Comments | 8 Date | 06/23/2018

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Ruth

You made some very good points and good ways to handle what you feel when it comes to relationships.

There are so many relationships these days suffering from hardships and people just walking away from it. The divorce rate it high.
People use to work together and build strong foundations to their relationships and communicate. That’s where I believe it is. Something that it requires is trust and no-one really has that anymore either.
Great article!
-Ruth

06/25/2018 | 2:18 am
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    You said it all Ruth in that last line…trust. This is an element that’s usually missing in most relationship. As you pointed out, the divorce rate has gone through the roof; with no slowing down in sight. Some couples try staying together just for the sake of the kids and that ends up being a disastrous decision.  

    06/25/2018 | 3:07 am
    Reply

Sharon May

I’ve been in a bad relationship where I was always looked down on, spoken to very badly, his way or the highway and it wasn’t nice. I’m sure he thought he was a god, not a good one at that but evil. 18 years I was married to that prick.
Anyway, I remarried last year to a gorgeous hearted man and my children love him. He adores me and I adore him, I wished I’d met him years ago. Having been on both sides I can confidently say that if you love unconditionally, never say negative things, treat every day as though you’ve just met, be gentle and thoughtful, go out together often, love hard and work hard, differences of opinion to be dropped quickly, never expect the dinner on the table or the ironing done, then your life with them will always be beautiful. He makes feel like a queen and I make him feel like a king…it works both ways!

06/26/2018 | 9:51 am
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Wow Sharon, you guys are a ‘match made in Heaven.’ These are the type of endings that I like to hear that really make my day. You really know what it takes to hold a good relationship together. Regarding your first relationship, I’m glad you eventually got out of that situation and away from that prick. No woman deserves bad treatment like that. Congrats to you Sharon on finding new love. 

    06/27/2018 | 3:49 am
    Reply

Flex

What a very good read and you touched on some critical aspects when it comes to relationships. I am not really that experienced but i have learnt some few points i can use from your page.

I just want to touch on the format of your page. I like it and how you have added media to boost the content of the page.

06/26/2018 | 4:32 pm
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    Ronald Kennedy

    Hey Flex, thank you for stopping by and checking things out. I hope you found some value in my post and will incorporate the messages written into your own life. Thanks for the compliments on my page. I try to make the layout easy to follow and understood by most. 

    06/27/2018 | 4:01 am
    Reply

Jackie

Lots of good advice here! People entering a new relationship tend to want to go too fast too soon, especially if we’re attracted to the person. It happened to me when I was about 28. I was SURE I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a certain someone only to have the magic wear off within 3 months. Then one day i woke up and I couldn’t see what I was attracted to initially. It was over in a second, except for him. He was heartbroken. “Slow down”! is very good advice.

06/27/2018 | 1:52 pm
Reply

    Ronald Kennedy

    Yes, I agree that when folks fly into relationships at ‘the speed of sound,’ there is no way in hell the relationship will last. Barely knowing someone is guaranteed to cripple any relationship. I think most folks go through this, especially the younger generation. They don’t know what they want; now that’s confusion!   

    06/27/2018 | 4:59 pm
    Reply

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