How To Keep Your Romantic Expectations Under Control | Five Valuable Tips To Follow

 

Knowing What You Want In A Relationship – Keeping It All Under Control.How-to-select-a-compatible-mate

 

In the beginning:

If you are the passive partner, you are responding to someone with demonstrable ambivalence about permanent relationships. Although you may start out with serious reservations about this new partner, how to keep your romantic expectations under control is what you need to really concentrate on first. You want things to run smoothly. For example:

  • Even when this person presents sufficient evidence, either through words, deeds, or history, that he/she is commitment phobic or otherwise unavailable, you are likely to hold nothing back.
  • Even when you recognize – or others tell you – that this person is not emotionally reliable,
    Sometimes it seems as though you respond almost as if you are being tested on your ability to respond.
  • Even if you sense that your partner is not fully capable of commitment, you are inappropriately frightened of losing this fledgling relationship. A relationship you clearly want to build on.
saving-your-relationship-guide-for-those-with-passive-conflicts/
Young Couple Just Starting Out

For reasons that are illusory, you quickly become overly committed to what you perceive as the relationships potential.

This attitude leaves you vulnerable and exposed.

Your fantasies and hopes become focused on cementing a permanent relationship.

But instead of remaining focused on the current situation, you may take pride in being able to achieve this high degree of involvement and responsiveness.

You may tell yourself that your ability to trust, before trust is earned, is proof of your capacity for love and sharing.

Although it is hard to accuse you of being irresponsible to others, you are probably not being responsible to yourself.

Your tendency to cooperate with an agenda designed by someone you barely know leaves you open for disappointment and confusion. You need to be more self-protective and to behave more wisely.

Here are five suggestions for changing the course of any expectations:

  1.  

<1>KEEP YOUR FANTASIES UNDER CONTROL – 

    1. You know by now that you have a very active fantasy life and that at the beginning of a relationship you immediately adjust your fantasies to include this new person.

This can’t help but influence both your behavior and your expectations.

For example, you’re meeting someone for coffee, and in your fantasies you’re thinking about words of love and commitment.

You have a date for the movies, and in your fantasies you’re planning a wedding. You go out to dinner, and in your fantasies you’re on your honeymoon.

Even your sexual fantasies tend to be committed. The only problem with this is that it makes you too invested in a relationship that hasn’t gotten off the ground and too committed to a person who has done little or nothing to earn it.

You should always try to keep your fantasies under control. Otherwise our responses may be more influenced by your dreams than by the real flesh-and-blood human being with human failings.

<2>MAINTAIN APPROPRIATE RESPONSES – If you give too soon, you put too much pressure on the relationship. You have a responsibility to maintain appropriate boundaries.

Enjoy the pursuit, but don’t get totally caught up in it. If things don’t go your way, your emotions can spiral ‘out of control.’

Don’t treat the beginning of a relationship as though it’s already the most important relationship you’ll ever have. You don’t know what’s going to happen.

You want to be a mind reader or some type of fortune teller? Don’t start assuming or figuring things out before problems even arise. You’ll fail before you really get started.

<3>DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS – If you allow your expectations to soar early in a relationship, it leaves you vulnerable for a terrible disappointment.

Your emotions may then ‘spiral out of control’ then which could lead to a case of anxiety and depression.

If this new person’s interest is as reliable as you think it is, it’s not going to disappear overnight.

    1.  

<4>GET A NEW PARTNER’S ROMANTIC HISTORY AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU HEAR –

      1. If this person has a rocky history with others, don’t expect it to be different with you. Yes, we know that you are special.

Don’t treat the beginning of a relationship as though it’s already the most important relationship you’ll ever have. You don’t know what’s going to happen.

Always remember, when new partners tell you they have commitment conflicts, no matter how attentive or loving they may be, listen to their words, believe them, and adjust your expectations accordingly.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: If this is the romance of your lifetime, you’ll have a lifetime to enjoy it. So slow down!

    1.  

<5>PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR WORK, AND YOUR LIFE – 

      1. Lovers can come and lovers can go, but your children, your work, and the rest of your life are going to be with you for a long time.

Those things come first. Your first priority is keeping your home life together. Hopefully, you have a good relationship with your children. But if you have teenager’s that’s out of control, this will affect your job and any relationship that you try maintaining.

Children may not always except who you deal with, but this is where good communication with your kids come into play. Getting them involved with someone in your life that you’re seriously dating is a key move.

So there you have it! We would love to hear your view on this article by posting your thoughts below and giving this post ‘a like.’

Still Searching For Love? Let Us Show You The Way (Optin Form Opens In New Window)

Comments

  1. Cynthia says:

    I know someone who needs to understand this but I don’t know if she ever will and that’s the unfortunate part about a situation like this.  I feel the root cause of men or women who act this way is a lack of self-esteem.  Would you agree or do you think it’s caused by something else?  

    1. Ronald Kennedy says:

      I agree with you, but I also must add that personality and how you carry yourself in a relationship plays a big part. Respect heads the list. If you don’t have respect for one another and don’t communicate, then things will quickly go ‘down hill.’ Do I have a point here Cynthia? (Maybe you should send your friend this article)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *