How To Improve On Yourself | What is Acceptable Behavior

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Improving Yourself Is Of The Utmost Importance.

Being Yourself Is ‘Key.’

Relationships are truly central to the human experience. Sound and rational human behavior is key! Building a relationship benefits and fulfills many of your fundamental needs. So how to improve on yourself, mainly your character, is of vital importance.

That same relationship also help to benefit and fulfill the other person, too, so there are mutual advantages in what you’re building together.

But at once some questions arise. Who do you let into the sacred center? And how do you decide who is safe and worthy of permission to enter? No doubt you must meet people at work, at social occasions, or at large in the world.

It’s ok to deal and mingle with others, but you also must learn how to to improve on yourself and understand what’s acceptable behavior.

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                   Thinking about what life has to offer.                                                         

That’s the external process. But what’s the internal process of making contact with others? How do you decide who is really right to let into that level of emotional and physical intimacy?

How do you decide who is right for you – and right to let into your sacred center? These are the matters which one must focus on.

Well, that’s a crucial question. On the most basic level, the person has to be someone you trust. Does he or she respect you? Listen to you with an open mind and open heart? Value your opinions? Honor your feelings?

If this person’s response to you over time justifies your trust, then he or she is probably someone you can allow into your sacred center.

He or she must be a person who hasn’t severely damaged or hurt by life, who doesn’t feel major self-esteem issues, who doesn’t have a deeply guarded sense of self-security – someone who’s not going to have a hard time letting you in.

In turn, your behavior and attitudes – your respect toward the other person, your openness, your valuing of opinions and honoring of feelings – will be the evidence that he or she can trust you and allow into his or her sacred center.

I believe that most of us make these choices carefully. Most of us spend a lot of time interacting with people before we allow them into the sacred center. Many couples will circle around each other, trying to decide.

They’re fond of each other, but they wonder, Is this my soul mate? We have good times together, we share many values.

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   Couple getting to know each other.

We think we’d both like to start a family together. But is he ( or she) the right person? (See How to Select a Compatible Mate).

There’s still a guard mode about whether to let down all the barriers and be completely vulnerable and trusting to his person.

So is it appropriate to be a little cautious about this process? If you’re going to build a relationship strong enough to last forty, fifty, sixty years, shouldn’t you be careful about whether your future spouse is honest?

Whether he or she is likely to honor the commitment to your marriage? Is that caution appropriate? It is.

If you’re going to let someone into your sacred center, you have to be sure that person has the qualities listed below that will enable him or her to meet your most fundamental needs:

  • This person shows a pattern of respecting me as a human being.
  • This person also shows a pattern of respecting others
  • This person shares my fundamental values and morals.
  • This person is authentically affectionate – not indifferent, dismissive, or abusive toward me – and the affection stems from a lasting mutual commitment, ot just a passing whim.
  • This person tries to understand me and my needs, and he or she knows that selfishness has no place in the relationship.
  • This person is honest and truthful, and he or she has a strong sense of integrity.

How do you determine whether these attributes are present? Well, there’s no fail-safe test!  It’s easy to say, “Trust your intuition,” but intuition, through certainly valuable, isn’t always adequate for judging others’ intentions or character.

It’s not uncommon, for instance, for people to get involved repeatedly with romantic partners who seem charming and well-intentioned, but turn out to be dismissive, demeaning, or even abusive. More than likely it’s the only way this person knows how to behave.

I recommend that in addition to evaluating potential mates with a mental checklist like the one above, you keep an eye out for danger signs like these:

  • Lack of respect for you, your beliefs, and your feelings.
  • Selfish behavior rather than generosity and a sense of common endeavor.
  • Lying or evasiveness
  • Manipulative behavior
  • Emotional coldness or withholding of affection
  • A pattern of impatience or dismissive attitudes or behavior toward what you value or toward you as a person
  • Verbal or physical abuse of any sort

In addition, I urge you to take the following steps to safeguard your physical, emotional, and spiritual safety:

Don’t be too busy. I’ve touched on this subject before, but I’ll mention it again. If you rush the process of getting to know the other

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              Couple pondering the future.

person, you run the risk of making snap judgments and leaving yourself vulnerable to getting hurt.

Take your time! You have little to lose and much to gain by moving thoughtfully and carefully.

Avoid wishful thinking. Out of a desire to find love, it’s tempting to overlook the other person’s shortcomings or the incompatibilities between you.

It’s also tempting to compromise on crucial issues, deceive yourself about the nature of the relationship, or view your prospective partner as someone whose habits or character you can change or reform.

Stick to your principles, values, and morals. Be honest, straightforward, and true to your deeply held beliefs. Finding love is important, but not at the expense of what you value most.

Communicate. To get to know another person – and, especially, to allow him or her into your sacred center – you need to discuss what matters to you openly and fully.

To reach an understanding of basic issues, you need to talk about them together. Again, there are no shortcuts and no easy answers in dealing with these  issues.

If you can follow these principles, however, proceeding carefully and letting each other into your sacred centers will be much more likely to work out to your satisfaction.

So what do you think? If you found the information in this post interesting & useful, please share it with your friends and colleagues on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on April 30, 2017 and has been completely revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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10 thoughts on “How To Improve On Yourself | What is Acceptable Behavior

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. When I dated my husband I had a really hard time to open up to him simply because it takes me a long time to trust people. I think letting him into my sacred place happened slowly over time.
    I like the safety tips you gave- all very important and easily overlooked when once is involved in a relationship!

    1. Hi Hollie and welcome. Thank you for commenting. I know Hollie that you’re NOT alone out here in this big world, where folks are trying to find their soulmate. I guess for a lot of personal reasons, many couples would ‘clam up’ and not be so open to their partner. This is a move only themselves would understand.

      You would think that, what would make a relationship whole, secure, loving and somewhat complete is communication. Communication is the foundation that holds any relationship together. You can’t build a house on weak foundation, and the same thing applies to building a relationship.

      If one party doesn’t let the other into his or her ‘space’, then we have issues right from the start. But like you mention, your ‘sacred place’ slowly opened up for you and all eventually was good.

      I want to thank you again Hollie, for checking in. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.

  2. I’m single and I can say that it is really difficult to find someone who would listen without judging you. Is it really difficult just for me or is it the same for everyone these days.
    I have just left the romantic relationships section to life and have stopped trying to date someone and just end up with one person interested in the relationship.

    1. Hi shrey, thanks again for coming into ‘my world.’ Being single can be tough out here in the world of dating. I was single for a while then got married. That’s when I was younger. Now I’m much older and back out in the single world. (My wife died in 2015)

      But shrey, I feel that regardless of age, there’s somebody for everybody. I see you are concerned about hooking up with future prospects. You don’t state your age. (you look young. Is this a current photo) But then again age is ‘only a number’. By the looks of your photo, I don’t see any issues as why you can’t attract a good man. (Hell, I’ll take you)lol. But shrey, It’s not only good looks that make the person (although it’s a Big PLUS) It’s more of a person’s personality and their heart.

      Shrey, you may find things different in your past relationships, you may want to change. Look deep within yourself! Are you a self-centered person that run guys away? Are you a ‘high-maintenance’ person that expect to much from your date? There has to be a reason why pretty shrey is still single. It could even be your location. Not sure. How long has it been since your last date?

      Maybe I can help. Shrey, I’d like you to sit down and make a list of the good points and bad points.Get back to me and we can go over it. Okay? Lets keep in touch.

  3. What a great article!!! I think this should be published everywhere. We have lost today the sense of good behavior and especially by the younger generation. I don’t want to judge but a lot of people out there need to read this and they will realize how they were off the line.
    Thank you for writing this wonderful article. I love it

    1. Hi Babacar. How are you. Thank you for visiting and commenting. I’m also glad you found some value in my article. I strongly agree with you that this article, along with many others I’ve written, should be published world wide. In every city, state and country around the globe, anyone involved in a relationship could get a lot out of what I’ve written.

      There’s a certain level of behavior etiquette that’s expected in our society. Among the many men and women involved in long-term relationships, one or the other make their own rules. (not always for the better). As you stated, the younger generation is good at this.

      The concept of couples experiencing good loving relationships along with good balance, now seems to be a ‘thing of the past.’ Everyone appears to be doing their own thing and making their own rules. Babacar, I hoped you shared this with social media. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.

  4. The topic of interpersonal relationships is tricky as you mention it because first you need to know yourself to know that type of person like in your life according to what you are your and experiences. Secondly, you must give yourself time of knowing the person in different scenarios for how you react in situations of stress, angry, sadness, etc. This way you can have a perspective more real who is the person you are starting a relationship.

    1. Hi Karol. Thank you for checking in with me. Yes, when it comes down to interpersonal relationships, people have to jump through ‘hoops and hurdles’ to make it alright. It takes time to learn and understand things about the other person you’re interested in. You want and would love to have as much in common as possible.

      Respecting each others ‘feeling and space’ plays an important part in capturing and enjoying a sound and enjoyable relationship. Seeking out and finding your ‘soulmate’ is what you’re trying to accomplish. But what’s more important is realizing you’ve got a ‘good thing’ and keeping it once you have it.

  5. I enjoyed this article and think you have some great insight on what it takes for one to improve self.

    The tricky parts with relationships is some people show you who they believe you will like. and once the attraction happens they switch up.

    I do understand that the insecure individual would be tough to start a future with. However, do you believe a person can become secure if they are treated right?

    1. Hi Shannon, thanks for dropping in. I’m really glad you enjoyed my article. I try to provide as much info as I can in regards to what it takes to make ‘love life’ improvements. Most folks look for changes in their current situation, where others may be satisfied with what’s going on now.

      I agree that many people in relationships act one way then, when they feel that they got the other hooked, they come out of their ‘true bag.’ (This take place with both sexes). They tend to think that the ‘grass looks greener on the other side.’ But in most cases, they ‘jump from the frying pan into the fire!’ (No improvements there)!

      To answer your question regarding insecurity, if you find out over time that your mate is insecure, regardless of how hard you work at it, this individual is not going to change. You can’t teach an ‘old dog new tricks.’ This person is always going to be ‘on the lookout’ for something to go wrong within the relationship.

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