Dating and Relationships, How To Deal With Jealousy And Insecurity

How To Deal With Jealousy And Insecurity | Four Task To Help You Control Your Feelings

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TROUBLING SITUATION

All relationships aren’t perfect. You may find yourself drifting apart from one another.  This feeling of ‘drifting apart’ seem to only occur when your significant other constantly gives you the 3rd degree every time you leave the house. When you’re on your phone, they want to know who you talking to?  Are you dealing with a fearful spouse or partner in your relationship who constantly display bouts of jealousy and insecurity? If so, I recommend that you face the issue and deal with it as soon as possible by undertaking these task:

Task #1 – Identify the source of the situation

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There was an interview conducted between couples to help them identify any possible behavior that might justify this type of attitude. Just getting started is a big issue. An issue that can get well out of hand if not contained. The question was addressed to the accuser; “Do you have a reason for displaying this type of action? If so, what are those reasons?”

Many times the answer was always the same; one partner has violated the others trust. And if violations of trust have occurred, the suspecting person has a tendency to wonder, “Is he or she being truthful? Is he or she being straightforward with me?” Once burned, twice careful.

This situation means that the couple does, in fact, have issues to work through. A deeper dialogue may be important – perhaps with a therapist or a pastoral counselor present as a guide. Depending on how far out the couple is in regards to restoring calm within the relationship, a professional person still may have a hard time getting a handle on things.

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Betrayed woman wondering “what’s next?”

Without some type of guidance when problems brew, your relationship will surely suffer.

Once you identify the sources of your miss-trust, you have to move into new territory: the territory of trust. Remember, this is No dating game. This is some serious shit!

For the person who is the object of miss-trust, this means making sure that you never give your partner a new reason to be worried. You have to “walk the straight and narrow path” to reestablish trust.

For the miss-trusting person, the goal is to realize how much harm he or she is doing to the relationship by being so worried. Even though you’ve entered a relationship that is exclusive, you both still need a certain amount of freedom – a certain amount of room to grow and to develop and to be yourself.

Task #2 – Grasp the damage that ‘non-trust’ can do

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If you are coping with this suspicious behavior, you need to grasp as soon as possible that this emotion will damage your relationship in the long term. Non-trust can’t do any good for the relationship. It can even effect you mentally.

You’re dealing with a ‘demon’ – what Shakespeare called “the green-eyed monster.” This monster will destroy relationships every single time!

This monster can attack and even devour your whole relationship if you allow it to. So if you don’t deal with it head-on, this ‘green-eyed monster’ can ultimately ruin what you and your partner are trying to build together. (Going down the same track together, is a better way to put it.)

Do you realize that this attitude demonstrates that you don’t have a very mature relationship? A relationship that can become ‘unraveled’ in no time and ‘more rocky’ as time goes on.

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Live-in partners out shopping

Because when you have a mature relationship, there’s a sense of freedom, of trust, of willingness to let the other person be.

Let your spouse develop. Otherwise, you’re clinging to a rather adolescent attitude.

Here’s another important question that you should ask yourself: Does the person you’ve married belong to you as a thing you own? Or is he or she a gift you’ve received?

 Your husband or wife is autonomous – a separate person. If you perceive the other person as a thing – an object you own – it’s not only a false assumption, it also suffocates the other person.

Think back to a time when you felt that ‘a non-trusting partner or spouse‘ is Not good and expressed how you felt to person. Now answer these questions about what resulted from that situation:

  • How did your partner or spouse react?
  • What was the outcome of the situation?
  • Looking back now, did you have cause for the miss-trust?
  • What were the circumstances?
  • Can you see now how you might have misinterpreted the situation?
  • Did your expression of insecurity strengthen your relationship-or weaken it?
  • Did your expression of miss-trust deepen communication between you and your partner – or make it more likely that he or she would hold back from you?

As you think over the answers to these questions, I think you’ll probably agree that your expression of jealousy probably had the opposite effect from what you may intended or desired. Instead of fostering closeness, it probably became a wedge that drove you and your spouse apart.

Instead of encouraging your partner to confide in you, it probably prompted him or her to hold back from you. Not trusting isn’t a force that strengthens a couple’s relationship. On the contrary, it’s often a “solvent” that loosens the ties between the partners.

Task #3 – Learn to deal with jealousy

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Next, you need to face this problem head-on and deal with it. This task involves two separate actions – one for the worried and concerned partner or spouse, another for the person that is the object of miss-trust.

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Same-sex couple enjoying the Florida weather

If you are the worried or concerned spouse…Next time you feel that green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why am I feeling this way? What am I afraid of?
  • Has my partner given me a reason to fear this?
  • Could there be another explanation for his/her behavior?
  • Are there ways I can cope with my uncertainties that are better than subjecting my partner to my worries and concerns?

Answering these questions will help you widen the scope of your insights so that you don’t fall into habitual accusing. Unless it’s just in your blood, and this is some ‘form of entertainment’ for you; making others life miserable.

If you’re dealing with an accusing person… ask yourself these questions the next time you’re confronted with a series of concerned questions from your spouse or partner.

  • Why would my spouse feel this way? What is he/she afraid of?
  • Did I do anything to contribute to this fear?
  • What can I do to ease this fear in the future?
  • Are there ways we can discuss the situation so that we can diminish the risk of my partner’s habitual ‘drilling ‘ me.

Task#4 – Consider the possibility that accusing is part of a bigger problem

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 Sometime insecurities can be part of what’s called obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This disorder can be a serious mental health problem – a disorder in which obsessive thoughts and/or compulsive behaviors plague you.

An example of this would be a husband who can’t stop obsessing over his wife’s whereabouts and activities, or whose compulsively tracks her movements, phone calls, or e-mail.how to deal with jealousy and insecurities image

Think about how many times you saw on your local news station or read a news feed on your cell phone about a guy getting suspicious of his woman cheating? She may not be. She may clearly be innocent. But this dude has built up images in his mind of his lady with another guy. He mentally goes off ‘the deep end’ and takes his woman’s life. (Some even go as far as to take the children’s life as well.)

I just heard a story like this recently, on my local news station. I feel so bad and angry too when children are involved.

Now with early intervention, that situation may not ever have gotten to that point. His mental health could have been evaluated way ahead of time; thus avoiding disaster. So sad!

Sometimes OCD is the result of personal trauma in the past. There may also be a biochemical aspect to the disorder.

If you believe that you (or your spouse) may be suffering from OCD, I urge you to seek professional mental health counseling. This disorder isn’t a situation that should cause you feelings of shame; it’s a genuine health problems, not a moral failing.

It isn’t your fault. But it is a situation that you can’t ignore, and you must address it as soon as possible.

Speak with your physician or call a referral service to find a mental health professional, or else raise the issue with your pastor.

“Remember, help for your significant other is right around the corner.”

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This Is Amazing! A ‘Must Read!’ Restore Calm & The Help You Need In Your Relationship. 

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22 Comments to “How To Deal With Jealousy And Insecurity | Four Task To Help You Control Your Feelings”

  1. Farhan

    These are really insightful tips that assesses the deeper aspects of the subject of insecurity between couples. The damage that insecurity can do to a relationship is very serious, and requires both parties to fix it.

    I do feel that sometimes people get jealous of their partners for no apparent reason. They should really ask themselves the questions that you have presented in order to get a deeper understanding of the situation.

    Otherwise, the damage can be so deep until it reaches the point where it cannot be reversed.

    A very well written and insightful article!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy

      Thank you for commenting Farhan. I agree with you that jealousy and insecurities are the killers of all killers. Couples that hook up too soon trying to make things work before really knowing the other, are in trouble before the relationship gets off the ground. If one party is so insecure, they will never be able to trust their partner even if the partner is ‘true blue.’

      If more couples just follow what I advised, then maybe they’d be more normalcy in their relationships. Trust is the ‘glue’ that holds it all together. Insecurities tears it apart.

      Thanks again for commenting Farhan. Let me know if I could help you with anything else.

      Reply
  2. Rhys

    I found your advice really, really helpful. It’s made me understand a bit more of how I used to feel in my previous relationship.

    It wasn’t exactly mistrust of my previous girlfriend. It was just that I would get a little bit jealous when she talked about her guy friends and how cool some of the things they could do.

    I tried to hide it a lot but she noticed it and ended up confronting me over it. Is the jealousy I felt before technically mistrust? She and I are no longer together and I’ve tried my best to understand myself. I never mistrusted her. More like the complete opposite. I trusted her a lot but I still felt a little jealous whenever she praised her guy friends. Was I just being possessive?

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy

      Hi Rhys, thank you for commenting. I’m glad you found my article helpful and gave you more insight into the jealousy arena. With some folks, jealousy could be classified as a incurable disease. It’s a feeling most folks have no control over. Rhys, In your case with your former girlfriend, It was eating at you when she would bring up past relationships. This, in turn, bought out your jealousy. You always have trusted her, but just these things in the past would then trigger your feelings of miss-trust.

      In regards to your concern of being too possessive, I feel your jealous behavior was the wedge driven between you and your past girlfriend. Woman hate an overly-jealous guy. Trust me, they won’t stay! I don’t know If you’re dealing with anyone or not, but your past break up may have lowered your confidence a bit. But never fear Rhys, I can help you fix that.

      Rhys, here’s a program I want you to follow. It’s called “The Confident Man Project.” This program has helped many guys before and can help you to. Go here: Rhys thanks again for commenting and let me know how it goes. Lets keep in touch.

      Reply
  3. Nikolas

    damn…

    this article would´ve been really helpful back when I was still together with my ex.

    thanks for putting words on feelings that I´ve had but never could figure out

    I´ve saved your article for the next time I’m going to face this kind of problem and I hope you will expand on this kind of topic

    thank you

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      You’re welcome my friend. I try to provide as much detailed information on topics which I think would greatly help others. With couples breaking up left & right, I can guarantee that the main issues are one or the other, if not both. Seems jealousy and insecurity will kill relationships every time.

      I feel if couples could just be honest with themselves and to each other, many relationships will skyrocket to long-term success, as opposed to ever getting off the launching pad.   

      Reply
  4. DarmiMaddie

    Jealousy might be more worse than we have taken it to be and unless we seek to address it, it might actually ruin something beautiful. What has been shared here is really great to see and I quite frankly appreciate what you shared with us. Being able to trust and just appreciate your partner would make the great difference too. Thanks here

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Yes my friend, insecurities in relationships is a recipe for disaster! No good can come from it. No matter how much one try keeping things together, if you both are not on the ‘same page’ then nothing will work. You said the right word DarmiMaddie…’Trust.’ Please share my site with others.

      Reply
  5. Sophie

    Hello there! Thank you very much for dropping this article on how to deal with jealousy and insecurity. Jealousy and insecurity is a moral decadence that have been eating us up. Most times, you don’t feel it’s jealousy or insecurity. For me, I feel they work together, your insecurities makes you jealous which is exactly the reason you become overly protective. Thank you for sharing this, it will help a lot of persons to understand their emotions more and work towards been a better person 

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Hi Sophie, thanks for dropping in. This condition takes over many couple’s home situation with no cure in site (unless help is voiced and those concerns are met). Some folks need help but don’t reach out to receive it, when offered. Jealousy will kill any relationship, if early communication isn’t met head on. Share this post with your downline.

      Reply
  6. Jackie

    Jealousy and insecurity is a real thing and for many relationships, it can be very troubling as it can also be the reason for that relationship to end. All the same, it is very nice for you to bring up this issue and also to talk about how to deal with this type of issue through different steps. Nice one to deal with this topic.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      You’re right, Jackie. Jealousy and insecurities is definitely a ‘real thing.’ This can disrupt any families well-being. Whatever peace in the household was there up to that point, is now disrupted by built up jealousy. Now coupled with insecurities, there is more issues to deal with. Please share my post with others. 

      Reply
  7. philebur

    Hello there thanks for sharing this interesting piece of review it was really helpful. For me I think or strongly believe jealousy is a normal thing for we as humans because we all have feels to feel. But it become bad when we act negatively on that jealousy. If only we could channel that jealousy to something positive I think we would go a long way 

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you for commenting. yes, jealousy is a ‘killer.’ We all have some jealousy in us, but must learn to keep it under control. Like you said we we act in a negative way regarding our actions, then that’s when we asking for a lot of trouble. So to all you wild folks out there, lets keep it ‘under control.’ Please share my site with others. Thanks.

      Reply
  8. Jbryce

    It’s a good thing to come across this kind of information, it is very important in the sense that it helps you get through relationships that are toxic and filled with insecurities, many times people endanger their lives by staying put without seeking help. This article will be a great help to a lot of people, jealousy can be so disastrous.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      I agree that jealousy can get disastrously out of whack, if one party don’t be the first to sort things out. It’s always the clear thinking one in the relationship to make the first move. Professional help might have to come into play. Please share my post.  

      Reply
  9. ReeceMichael

    There are lots of reasons why people get jealous and insecurity, on the other hand, can be triggered by so many factors. With jealousy, you’ll first have to check yourself on why you are actually jealous and if you get the right answer you’ll know to deal with it. If it’s in a relationship then insecurity should be treated well by talking with your partner’s and clearing your doubts about things.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Some relationships totally fall to pieces because the parties involved just don’t know how to sort things out. Their response time is slow. They just try dealing with whatever comes their way. Then after so long, they get fed up. But by then, it’s too late. A lot of valuable response time has gone by. Please share this post.

      Reply
  10. Adyns68

    Jealousy is a normal feeling that we all have and it is not only in a couple but it is present in our daily life. It is part of our character and we need to learn how to live with it. But it mostly translates the fears we have. So, dealing with those fears will help a lot. Learning how to be content with what we have, what we can control, and accept that there are things that we can’t control but they will not harm us and if it does it will not break us.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      Thank you for commenting my friend Adyns68. In regards to relationships, we all know jealousy can kill it! Big Time!! You and your spouse must find some middle ground, communicate and try working things out. Bottom line: find the root of the problem and work on it. Please share my post with others.

      Reply
  11. Aluko kolawole

    Hi,

    From my online studies jealousy and insecurity work hand in hand, this are ways to deal with jealousy and insecurity in relationship as follows, observe your jealous thoughts and behaviors, just because you have these thoughts doesn’t make them true, don’t act on your feelings all the time, communicate, watch his / her behaviors and body language, don’t keep a tight rope on him/her, take action If something Is really fishy, stop comparing yourself. Jealousy is not a good thing in a relationship. It shows that you are not secure in the hand of your partner.

    Thank you.

    Aluko.

    Reply
    1. Ronald Kennedy Author

      I agree that jealousy and insecurity do go hand in hand. Can’t have one, it seems, without the other. You hit it right on the head, when you mention communication. Without it, situations will never be solved and relationships will soon disintegrate. Couples must put forth the effort to restore things. Thank you. Please share my post. 

      Reply

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