‘The Love Doctor’
Published Date: May 17, 2021
Writing The Perfect Profile
In the Winkisphere, your photos and text make up your profile and are the very first impression to a match. This means that when someone views your profile, it’s often your make-or-break moment, the nano-second when the person decides whether to message you or skip to the next hopeful in his or her queue. How To Be Self-Digitized Regarding Online Dating is a growing trend you must capitalize on.
The first dating profile I ever wrote was exactly seven characters long, yet it was wildly successful (keep in mind this was back in 1996): “24/M/MA.” For those of you who didn’t partake in ‘old-school AOL’ chat rooms (Remember that?) that was my age, sex, and location (A/S/L), the digital mating call, version 1.0.
Although the famous “You’ve got mail” notification lives on in memory, profiles are now much more complex than just a few mundane characters. Rather than focusing purely on facts such as your age, you’re expected to be clever and original.
Different sites ask different questions. And some profiles get lengthy – eHarmony users must fill out a 258-question survey before they can make their profile live! But there’s a good reason for this new-school approach.
More sophisticated profiles and tools let you connect better with a match before meeting in person. And with so many people meeting online today, you need more search filters just to find the sorts of matches you seek. Of course, this is a double-edged sword.
Given that there are millions of singles online, dating can sometimes feel as competitive as The Amazing Race. Quantity rules, which of course, means that you can easily be passed over for a match with a better tagline.
What’s a single to do when all the things that take place in person – smile, intrigue, vibe, and flirt – have to be conveyed on virtual paper?
eFlirting Begins With Your Username
This is the first piece of text a match will see, so it’s important to give it some thought. You don’t want to risk someone uttering “whoa” when your username pops up in his or her search results.
This happened to my client Nina, a thirty – something Phoenix gal who was super-sweet, into the outdoors, and looking to settle down. But she was giving guys the impression “she had a wild side!” When I first saw her username was ‘Midnight Seductress,’ I thought it was a mistake.
But when I plugged it into the dating site letter for letter, there she was. If flings were on her agenda, this would have been fine, but since she was looking for a serious commitment, her username was sending out entirely the wrong message.
Don’t try to impress based on what you think others want; make sure your username reflects your own personality.
You don’t want any name that will describe you as being ‘buck wild.’ (Male or female.)
Remember, this is the name everyone will identify you with.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you’re naming your digital self:
- Combine interest. Combining hobbies or words on the same topic is an easy way to stand out from the crowd. For example, if you love travel, you might go with something like GlobalTrek or OutdoorVentures.
- Make up your own word. It’s OK if your username can’t be found in Webster’s. Taking creativity one step further, you can create a word to represent you, no definition required – for example, Gigglation or Exploration.
- Keep your virtual clothes on. Save the intimate implications for later on, usernames with sexual undertones can send the wrong impression. I know some women who won’t even open emails from guys with inappropriate terms or, ahem, “69.” For women, usernames like Nina’s can imply that you’re looking for a more casual connection, where getting nookie on the first night is acceptable.
- Don’t use your birth name. Real names and ‘nicknames’ should be nixed from digital dating. Consider your real name the virtual equivalent of whispering sweet nothings – it’s special and should be reserved for someone you’re crusin’ on. This info also makes it easy for people to search and identify details of your life before you’re ready to reveal them. Your digital footprint is essentially a portal to your past, so protect it until you’ve met someone in person and made a true first impression.
- The numbers game. Your username is not a numerology report, so stay away from numbers. This will allow you to remain unique rather than pointing out that you’re the eighteenth person to chose “citygal.” Revealing personal details through numbers is a no-no.
Your birthday reveals your are in the wrong context, your lucky number will be irrelevant to anyone but you, and the current year will quickly become dated, pointing out just how long you’ve been on the eDating scene. Needless to say, none of this adds to the conversation.
Email Education: FLIRTING THROUGH INBOXES
Winking is dead. No, not the real-life eye fluttering, but the button you’ll find next to someone’s profile that allows you to show interest in a match. Some sites call it Smiling or Flirting, but regardless it serves the same purpose: to let you gauge interest in somone before investing hours pouring over every period of a single clever email sent to their inbox.
Years ago, when dating sites first entered the scene, Winking was all the rage. But it has become an increasingly passive action. Consider this: if a Facebook “friend” you’ve never met face -to-face “liked” your status update, would it inspire you to write a detailed email in return? I think not!
Needless to say, your first interaction with a clickable mate is often your make-or-break moment and should not come by way of a generic emoticon. It’s unlikely that it will inspire any action…in your inbox or otherwise.
The truth is that women can sometimes still get away with merely clicking the Wink button – especially hotties with bodies. But if you’re truly interested in a match, you shouldn’t blow your one opportunity with a seemingly meaningless attempt.
Think about it. “Isn’t your future partner worth a few sentences?” I would hope so. But keep this in mind regarding two really good sites, where you’re sure to get email responses. Go to Christiancafe & EliteMate. and ENJOY!