When it comes to love and finding a mate for a long-term relationship, studies has shown that men need a clear set of instructions for specific actions.
That’s what I’ll be touching on here: a planned five-step process that boils everything you need to do down to the simplest possible set of facts to learn, choices to make, and actions to take. The five steps are:
These steps are simple to understand, but they’re not always easy to accomplish. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you bullshit!
I’m not offering a get-laid-quick scheme. I know that a third of the dudes reading this probably won’t take this information seriously.
Another third will skim through this post and maybe take this information into consideration.
But for the last third of the dudes, this info is really FOR YOU – the smart, hungry & horny guys who will get inspired to think, choose and act.
They’ll be eager to share this site with their single friends and others.
Those who take things into their own hands and figure they don’t need any help with finding women, will fail to change their lives or improve their mating success in any significant way.
“How can I become more confident?” is the question most struggling, single guys ask. Whether it’s about approaching women, dating them or just having sex.
For the un-confident among you, it all feels like a terrifyingly uncertain nightmare, and as a result, you worry about practically everything.
“What do I say?” “What do I do?” “Where do I take her?” “What if she doesn’t like me?” “What if she says no?”
“What if I’m not good at all?” “What if I throw up on her after too many shots?” What if, what if, what if….
Fortunately, in the last twenty years researchers have gained a lot of new insights into the origins and nature of confidence, and they allow us, finally, to explain exactly what it is:
Confidence is the realistic expectation you have of being successful at something, given (a) your competence at it and (b) the risk involved with doing it.
Take driving, for example. When you get behind the wheel now, as opposed to being a much younger inexperienced driver, you understand all the unseen risks and thus have a very high expectation of getting where you intend to go safe and sound.
Don’t think confidence is some kind of modern phenomenon through, just because people today don’t shut up about it. Confidence has been a thing for a long time.
In fact, confidence is part of your genetic makeup; it evolved over thousands of generations as a mental tool to guide our decision-making around risk.
A confident guy expects the woman to engage him in conversation when he goes up to say hi and introduce himself. He expects her to give him her number when he ask for it.
He doesn’t think he deserves it or she owes it to him (unless he is also an entitled douche bag, which is entirely possible) – he just expects that he’s going to get it, even before he says a word. Why?
Because he’s done this dozens if not hundreds of times, with enough success to accurately predict the likely outcome.
How can you realistically judge the likelihood of your success in a unique moment like that – or in any domain of life?
Your brain does it by unconsciously integrating a bunch of data from your memory and your current states.
It adds up your past training, experiences, and successes, plus your present capabilities, to guide your decisions.
Your brain is like a mushy three-pound sports book between your ears, setting the line and shifting the odds on to your immediate future.
The most annoying thing about confidence, though, is that 90% of the time it’s dormant (or at least, it should be). It should only become an issue when you’re actively facing a risky challenge, not when you’re eating dinner or sitting at home trying to chose between watching football or Netflix.
Nobody walks around all day vacillating between confident and un-confident. That would be exhausting and pointless.
When a challenge does arise-like texting a new mate from eHarmony or having sex with a woman for the first time-your confidence system immediately switches on and delivers its verdict: what confidence level you should feel in this situation, given its rewards and risks in relation to your competence level.
For example, if your game is tight and you’ve had successful dates from eHarmony, your confidence is probably high. If you’ve had a history of striking out with women and a reputation as a two-pump chump with new ones, your confidence is going to be low.
So let’s talk about building confidence. First thing’s first: there are No shortcuts! Anyone who tries to sell you their “Ten Tricks To Get Confident with Women” is selling you bullshit!
If they tell you to visualize your mating success, then the actual secret is that they’re charlatans taking your money.
The only effective strategy for gaining real confidence is to develop skills and demonstrate performance of those skills.
Developing realistic self-confidence is truly that simple. All you have to do is get good at the things you want to feel confident about and then demonstrate those skills, to yourself and others.
This means learning, practicing and then consistently performing under real-life conditions, with real stakes, when people are watching.
Once you do that, confidence in that skill is almost automatic.
So what do you think? Did you enjoy this article? If you found the information in this post interesting & useful, please share it with your friends and colleagues on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Google Plus.
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