Publish Date: April 30, 2021
A Good Managed Relationship Can Run Like A Smooth Train.
Especially if you both are ‘on the same page!’
If you want your relationship to be different, then you have to be different from Day ONE! if the set up is always the same, despite your best intentions what follows will be the same. Thinking “How can I tell if this is the right person for me?” is nothing out of the ordinary.
Change may or may not be necessary because if you’ve acted the way you’ve always acted, sending signals you’ve always sent, the odds are your relationships will always be the same.
As active partner, you will actively choreograph the “pursuit portion” of your relationships. This means you construct the setup, and how you select the “operating system” from which all future “programs” in this relationship will run like hopefully, a smooth train.
You determine the intensity, you chose the style, and you set the pace. Typically, you set it up so that you will have control and power. Regardless of how good your intentions are, the potential to abuse this power is enormous.
In the beginning your goal is seduction, be it emotional or physical, and everything you say and do is a means of accomplishing that goal. Typically, you place emphasis on information that will get a positive response and withhold or downplay information that might serve as a warning.
You want to be with this new person, and you aren’t considering any ambivalence that might follow. In addition, your seduction will be fueled by your fantasies; all of your hopes and dreams are going to be expressed through your words and your action – with no thought to the expectations these may provoke.
Given these feelings, how can you act responsibly? How can you be certain to attend to both sides of your conflict in a way that is fair to both your new partner and yourself? I urge you to follow these guidelines:
Don’t Rush In
You know that when you get yourself in too deep fast, this level of involvement makes you panic when the fantasy lifts. You have to keep reminding yourself of how badly you react when relationships start to get real. You also need to think more about how your behavior is making the other person feel.
If it doesn’t scare your love interest away, it’s so compelling, it can only provide the basis for an enormous fall.
Remember, there’s one very simple way out of this: SLOW DOWN.
Take your time. Let the intimacy develop gradually. Think before you leap. Avoid breakneck courtships and start evaluating a relationship step by step as it’s developing.
Like you may have said before,” “I’m never this attracted to anyone,” and “I can’t wait for you to meet my sister – the two of you will really get along,” are incredibly seductive.
They evoke a feeling of feeling special that encourages your partner to have high expectations as well as placing heavy pressure on you to come through with a commitment.
Sure, romance is fun. But to many people romance means love, and love mean marriage. Watch your words. If you use words that convey caring and the promise of a future, the other person may respond accordingly.
Certain phrases can cause even a first date’s attitude toward you to change totally – sometimes from casual to “overboard” in a single evening.
Don’t Misrepresent Your Romantic History Or Your Romantic Attitude
Don’t make it sound as though your previous relationships ended because your ex-partners were somehow lacking. It’s important that you accept responsibility for your participation and learn as much as you can from it.
Blaming your ex’s can also deceive your new partner, Someone who likes you is going to want to accept what you say at face value. If you tell someone, “Your different,” he/she wants to believe you. You’re angry when you are deceived. Your partner is not honest.
If you say, “I want this relationship to be different,” or, “I think this relationship can be different,” he/she wants to share that hope.
Also, keep in mind as not to blame the fact of where you met this person. Just because you met them through an online dating app, is not the reason yawl broke up.
A lot of couples today are meeting their significant other through online dating.
Don’t convey attitudes without thinking about what you are saying. For example, if you mean “We don’t know each other well enough to have sex, “don’t say, “I would never go to bed with anyone unless I was certain the relationship is going to work out.”
Otherwise, the moment you go to bed, your partner is going to assume it means a long-term commitment. Keep in mind that at this stage you have no idea how the relationship will work out. You may want it to be different, but wanting is not enough.
Until you are totally sure, avoid implying anything that can confuse your partner about your past or your intentions for the present – or the future.
Don’t Knock Yourself Out Trying To Impress A Potential Partner
When you pull out all the stops to make an impression, your actions are saying, “This relationship is very important to me; I want to make it work.”
That may be true right now, but how will you feel in six weeks or six months? Today you are overwhelmingly interested; tomorrow you may just feel overwhelmed.
Everyone has a different method of impressing dates. What are yours? Do you walk holding hands, talking about all the magnificent things you can do for your date? What it takes for developing a very sharing and exclusive relationship?
Do you spend excessively on restaurants, gifts, or trips? Do you cook wonderful meals or bring elegant gifts?
All of this makes it appear that you’re taking the relationship very seriously, and it puts a lot of pressure on you to keep delivering.
The reality is that you can’t possibly be ready for something this serious this soon. Your behavior needs to reflect this fact. If you have a history of eventually being haunted by everything you gave in the beginning, it’s time to become comfortable giving less.
Keep in mind that No one who’s interested in you, is going to walk away because you didn’t tell them your deepest, darkest secrets during your first phone call or take them to Paris on your first date.
Don’t tell everything right away. Save some things for ‘down the road’ over time, when you start feeling comfortable around each other. In progression, you’ll slowly start to loosen up.
– For Men & Women, FYI –
Feel the need to gain additional insights regarding a better relationship? Then check it out. You’ll love what this has to offer: