34 rules regarding dating advice for men and women.
Some people are just too quick to judge others and voice their opinion way to fast. Only you can be the deciding factor when it boils down to maintaining a long and solid relationship, and who you want to be in that relationship with.
When all of life forces are in motion and individuals speak one way or another, it would be misleading to imply that everything that happens to us is a reaction to something we said or did. This is where good dating advice for men and women come into play.
Much as this goes against our beliefs in how the world should be. Sometimes others treat us in ways that have far less to do with who we are as individuals, than with their assumptions about who we are based on what we do and who we deal with. Who’s to say is our match!
Just like in our everyday workforce, we would all like to believe that we judge others and are judged by competence, performance, and hard-and-fast results, not stereotypes.
But there is overwhelming evidence from studies in many different fields that people’s judgments of others are influenced by appearance and other characteristics that cause us to see them as members of groups about which we have preexisting assumptions.
For example, seniors are viewed and placed in the ‘slowdown’ group. Everyone think just because they’re old, their sexual social life is over. I’ve always based this on the individual. Just as a younger person, it’s really based on their overall health.
If you’re too sickly to have sex, you won’t! That’s the last thing that would be on your mind. But if you’re a older person, that still have the sexual ‘fire & desire’ within, you want to be a senior that’s able to satisfy your needs and have sex.
All other things being equal, when confronted with a woman and a man they do not know in managerial positions, many people assume the man is more competent than the woman. Some may think that even in relationships, the same rule applies. But thinking this way is a recipe for disaster!
Going into any relationship, especially down the road if things lead to marriage, you should have the mindset that all is on equal grounds. If your thinking is based on anything else, then your relationship is doomed before it ever really got off the ground.
I guess sometime in your life, you have to stop playing the dating game, get serious and make that person an equal partner in your life, if things do get that far.
34 Tips You Should Take To Heart
Help offered in guiding the sexes down the right path
Here’s some ‘Do NOT’s men should take into consideration after meeting someone they find very interesting:
- Do Not say; “Wow, did you just wolf down that chicken?”
- Do Not buy her a rose in the restaurant, so she has to carry it around like a dork for the rest of the night.
- Do Not tell a girl that she should grow hair any longer than it is.
- Do Not ask her where her hot roommate is.
- Do Not take her to an expensive restaurant and then make her feel bad for ordering too much.
- Do Not go to the loudest restaurant in town and then complain that you can’t hear a word she is saying.
- Do Not pick her up with the convertible top down when it’s freezing outside, just because you think it looks cool.
- Do Not tell her to “just relax” or “go with it” when a girl gives the signals that she wants to go home.
- Do Not have your assistant call to confirm your date.
- Do Not tell her that nothing will stop you from watching the big game.
- Do Not drive too fast and act like you do it all the time.
Here are some ‘Do NOT’s women should take into consideration after meeting someone they find interesting:
- Do Not tell him that you want to have kids in the first year
- Do Not dwell on your beloved ex-boyfriend, either positively or negatively
- Do Not talk about how you recently got you manic depression under control
- Do Not brag about your sexual prowess
- Do Not look at your watch incessantly
- Do Not make a guy wait alone on your couch while you spend twenty minutes primping in the bathroom
- Do Not order the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu
- Do Not talk about the size of your ass or any other body parts
- Do Not go on and on and on about how you look. They can see
- Do Not say you get drunk from one glass of wine and then proceed to drink four Manhattans
- Do Not say you never kiss on the first date and then go home with him.
- Do Not talk about your diet and workout regimen and how much effort it is to maintain your figure. Pretend it was an accident and not a grandiose effort
Now we have tips for BOTH sexes out together on first dates. They should follow this ‘Do Not’ list:
- Do Not complain about dating.
- Do Not answer your cell phone while at dinner.
- Do Not talk about your dysfunctional family.
- Do Not talk about how hot your ex is, how good he/she was in bed, or how your date reminds you of him/her.
- Do Not go on a first date if you are sick. Reschedule.
- Do Not pass out under any condition (alcohol, drugs, sleep deprivation, etc.) unless you can prove you’re a legit narcoleptic.
- Do Not act insecure.
- Do Not ‘ogle’ other people at the bar.
- Do Not say that you feel like you have known you forever.
- Do Not talk with your mouth full.
- Do Not bounce your leg nervously while driving.
- Do Not make fun of fat people, short people, or anyone with a physical condition.
Now that all is said and done hopefully, this good dating advice for men and women will lead couples to a more peaceful and satisfying love life.
BEING HONEST IS A GOOD START
When taking into consideration that the number one problematic issue between most couples is honesty, then one must think why is this? Is the grass always greener on the other side? Does curiosity, along with lustful eyeballs, just get the best of a person?
I believe that honesty isn’t just a fundamental respect for the truth. It’s also a day-to-day expression of that respect. Your honesty – or lack of honesty – creates the context for how you respond to the world and interact with people in it.
Maybe you are just one of those who think you know all about relationships and when to be, or not to be honest.
If you believe that honesty is a noble ideal to strive for but you ignore, bend, or violate the truth, you’ll damage your relationships with other.
In particular, you’ll damage the interactions that’s most central to your life – the connection with your spouse.
I’ve ran across many couples with honesty problems. Sometimes the problems are relatively minor, such as a tendency to fib over small matters (forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning, claiming to be stuck in traffic, when you know damn well; you wasn’t).
Sometimes the problems are severe, such as committing adultery. In these, and many instances that fall between the two extremes, husbands and wives wrestle with how to be honest and stay honest with each other.
Dealing with honesty is, in fact, one of the ongoing issues that all couples face. I see couples facing two basic kinds of honesty problems. One is keeping honesty strong within a marriage. The other is dealing with specific honesty problems that develop because of jealousy, greed, and infidelity.
But lets just say, for example, you’re a single woman and past relationships have NOT been good to you. It’s not like you go through a series of guys just for the mere fact of dating someone. You’re a careful judge of character. You want a man who’ll be a good friend to start. It all begins with friendship!
You know you’re a good person and someday could be a good wife to a man, and even a mother to his children; if he has any. But you just have problems holding on to them. Relationships tend to escape your grip! They just slowly seem to evaporate!! You start thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me?” Never fear. Help is on the way!
Here are some ways to solve each of these problems and how you can strengthen your overall honesty as a couple…
Even if you’re honest on a day-to-day basis, I believe that it’s important to practice maintaining a fundamental openness to your spouse or partner. What I’m calling “openness” goes beyond the specific facts of what you say.
Openness is the quality of having an open mind and an open heart. If you’re open in this sense, you are available to your spouse – ready to hear about his or her worries, troubles, and hurts, as well as his or her interest, enthusiasms, and delights.
You’re willing to make your spouse’s concerns your own. You’re ready to cherish your husband or wife despite his or her imperfections and limitations. Or maybe even some form of suffering.
Openness of these sorts is a type of honesty because it honors what matters most: the love and warmth you share with this other person.
Here are some suggestions regarding practicing openness:
Stay mindful of each other. It’s easy for spouses to lose track of each other as the center of each other’s lives. All the daily tasks and obligations tend to blur the vividness of the other person you love – to diminish the intensity of what you feel.
If you can stay aware of each other, though, you’ve already done half the task of practicing openness.
Set aside time together. Creating a brief“ haven” for just the two of you will help you honor and focus on each other.
What I’m suggesting can be simply a quiet time together – a walk in the park, a brief interval in the backyard, or twenty minutes of sharing coffee at the kitchen table.
No matter what the setting, time together gives each partner a chance to hear what’s on the other’s mind.
Share your feelings, dreams, concerns, or needs. Raise issues you’ve had no time to discuss. Tell each other thank you for all you’re doing for each other and your family.
Express disagreements openly rather than in veiled ways. All couples experience conflicts. All couples have differences of opinion. All couples must cope with frustrations, miscues, and misunderstandings.
Something that makes a major differences in couples’ success or failure is whether they can address the issues honestly rather than through roundabout, veiled, or sneaky ways.
I’m not talking now about “telling the truth” versus “telling a lie.” What i’m referring to is the tendency of some spouses to face issues directly, while others can’t even look each other in the eye about even the most minor matters.
Resorting to sarcasm, hidden threats, or “subliminal advertising” aren’t good ways to solve problems together.
It’s more productive to put your cards on the table, sort out whatever concerns you, and stay open to possible solutions.
Learn new forms of openness. Perhaps you like the idea of openness, but you’re not sure exactly how to achieve it. Fair enough. Marriage involves lifelong, so there’s no reason for you to know everything from the start.
But you can acquire skills in a marriage just as in any other realm of life. Part of that openness is precisely this willingness to learn. Learn from whom?
Well, any number of therapists, pastoral counselors, and marriage workshop leaders can help guide you toward new insights and skills.
Eradicate Little White Lies
You’re late getting home because you stopped at a store to buy some clothes on sale – but you call your husband and say you’re stuck in traffic.
Or you forgot to buy some ingredients for dinner, but you tell your wife the store was out of stock. Why go through all this, if you don’t know how the ‘dating games in life’ are played?
It’s so easy to tell little white lies! No harm done, right? Well, I’m not sure. Maybe these lies aren’t so terrible one by one, but they’re harmful – a slippery slope that can do other kinds of damage in the long run.
Even small lies chip away at the fundamental honesty that should be central within a relationship. If you decide you’ll eradicate little white lies, what’s the best way to do so?
Be consistent. If you can avoid lying at all, you avoid the slippery slope altogether. Consistency will help you avoid the temptation to lie a little here, a little there, until the situation gets out of control.
You may not make your marriage a ” lie-free zone” overnight, but striving for consistent honesty is a crucial goal.
Work together. Sometimes a couple makes a silent pact to play loose with the truth.
“If he (or she) can fib,” one spouse may decide, “then I have a right to lie, too.” Fair enough?
Not really – because making lying an equal-opportunity habit just makes things worse. A better idea: work & play together to be honest. Make a commitment that you’ll both tell the truth.
Be supportive as you strive for honesty. Oddly, it’s tempting to punish your spouse for telling the truth. Let’s say that a husband admits that the store wasn’t really out of those ingredients – he just forgot to go shopping.
If his wife berates or belittle him (“I knew it! You can’t remember shit! You never do what I ask you to!”), he’s less likely to be honest in the future. Lying will save him the trouble of getting scolded.
If you’re supportive of each other, through, you’re more likely to encourage future honesty. However, note that both parents have to commit themselves to accepting these admissions.
You can’t use them to start a battle (“You’re always late,” “You’re so irresponsible,” and so forth).
CONFRONT RESISTANT BEHAVIOR/UTILIZE THE C.A.R.E THEORY
As you attempt to develop a relationship with someone you want, quite often they will begin to experience doubts about what they are getting into.
They will begin to have a number of extremely logical, personally convincing, secret reasons why the relationship is all wrong and will, in their hesitation to get in any deeper, begin to show distinct signs of resistant behavior towards you.
This will manifest itself in symptoms of moody behavior, guarded and unresponsive communication, disrespect towards you, and finally, outright avoidance of you.
Such behavior needs to be confronted. If the feelings underlying this type of behavior remain buried, they will ultimately destroy the relationship altogether.
But through unselfish and caring confrontation on your part, such resistance may be defused and rendered powerless. Such a method is outlined below.
Think of it as a way to show you CARE. Put the C.A.R.E theory to work! Confront, Ask, Reassure, and Empathize.
Confront the person’s uncooperative behavior. “Maybe I’m mistaken, but I sense that something’s wrong…” One of the most exhilarating experiences a person can have in life is the feeling of being understood.
We don’t want to have to tell others when we are feeling distraught. We want them to sense it on their own. We want them to read are minds!
What people don’t often realize is that they subconsciously give clues as to what they’re thinking by the way they act. Being sensitive to such unspoken acts and confronting the one you want will go a long way in satisfying their need for understanding.
This, in turn, will eliminate emotional obstacles to their becoming committed to -and loving-you.
Ask for a confirmation or denial of your observations, “Am I reading you right? Is something actually bothering you?…” By informing the one you want of the message that their behavior communicates to you, and then asking for a validation of your interpretation, they will be impelled to come to grips with the actual meaning they intended to convey.
“Hmm…I have been acting rather cold and distant…Now, what exactly have I meant by this? What have I been trying to communicate here?”
The important thing is to make the person consciously aware of their own motives in their actions toward you.
Indeed, they have already been intimating something all along which, subconsciously, they would like to be able to say to you.
All you’re doing is calling their bluff and inviting them to say what’s on their minds. In order to do that, though, they have to first decide exactly what is on their minds, and if it’s worth mentioning or not.
That requires a little bit of thinking on their part. By inviting them to put their feelings into words, you are forcing them to crystalize their feelings into defined terms that can be dealt with.
Reassure the person of your intention to merely understand (not judge) on the basis of what is admitted, especially if there seems to be a little hesitancy for them to express their feelings.”…Because I’m willing to just listen, if you’re willing to talk. I just care how you feel…”
The biggest reason for breakdowns in communication is the fear of being judged. Human experience has shown that our honest feelings will not always be accepted by others without comment or criticism.
Some encouragement from you will be necessary to assure the other person that they will not be thought less of because of their personal facts or concerns.
Finally, Empathize. Be understanding. Once the person does start to open up a little bit, don’t blow it! Just listen, like you promised you would. Don’t criticize. Don’t try to change the person’s mind or show how their reasoning is wrong.
If you do, you’ll regret it, because it will be a long, long time before the person will ever open up to you again. Let the person proceed at his or her own pace. If you’re not yet too competent at reflective listening.
Just to nod your head and say “Mm-mmm…Yes, go on…” But don’t pronounce judgment on what is being said.
Bottom line: Be cool and understanding with one another. Discuss each other’s shortcomings, instill a dose of humor into the relationship (laughter is the best medicine) and NEVER go to bed angry with your spouse. (you’ll be surprised at how far you’ll go).
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